I have not called!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
I have not called!!!
Since my AD left Sunday night I have not called, which I have wanted to but there is really nothing left to say until she wants to change.I did text her Monday night, just told her that I loved her no matter what she was doing or where she was, she texted back yesterday afternoon and it simply said love you too, so I don't know!!! I went last night and looked at a house and talked to the person I would be sharing it with and think it will be ok, my mother said what about her??? I have put my life on hold for her for 2 years and it is not making a difference so I am really torn but I know that there is a chance that in 10 years I may very well be sitting right here still waiting, on life still centered around her wanting help!!! I really don't have the desire to date or anything because I don't think it is fair to put anybody else in the pack of wolves and I have chose her more than one time and I know at this point I will continue to drop what or whoever when she needs me but I realize it is not fair to me!!! I have been living with my 84 year old grandmother since May since my husband and I divorced over her and she knows I will go to work and come right home....she might come home, she might decide that she wants to change her life and I feel really guilty for thinking of moving out but I am 38 years old and I need a little space!!! I don't want to wake up in 10 years and still be waiting....it is not fair to me but always in the back of my mind, I think what about her but right now I know I am not a factor in her decision!!! Sorry I am whining!!!!! Just had to get it off my chest!! I really want to move out and try to get a life started again for me!!! Not continue to live in this limbo... I have lived for her in this and I think it is time for me to face what everyone has been telling me...Live my life, let her live hers but it is still hard!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Layton, Utah
Posts: 60
I can relate to what you are going through. My addict is my 26 year old daughter.
I started reading here 3 months ago but this is my first post.
I think what you are feeling is fear. I was there for so long.
I am now getting non with my life. I havent given up on her just not going to let it control me anymore.
And big surprise she is learning and growing on her own, by having to fix her own mistakes.
I was loving her to death.
So if a move is what is best for you do it. It won't be easy, I still don't go one day and sometime one hour not thinking about her stuff, but am working on my life.
Best of wishes to you.
I started reading here 3 months ago but this is my first post.
I think what you are feeling is fear. I was there for so long.
I am now getting non with my life. I havent given up on her just not going to let it control me anymore.
And big surprise she is learning and growing on her own, by having to fix her own mistakes.
I was loving her to death.
So if a move is what is best for you do it. It won't be easy, I still don't go one day and sometime one hour not thinking about her stuff, but am working on my life.
Best of wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
She does love you, but right now the drugs are winning. It is good that you are thinking about yourself. If you wait for her to get better before you change your life, you very well could be waiting for a long time. But if you get on with your life and fill you days with things that are about you, it makes the waiting easier and you will find that happiness is possible for you whether she is active or not. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
It's hard to not think of them first. Sometimes I feel almost superstitious about it (If I stop worrying too much, that's when something really bad will happen)....
But its true, her decisions (if you can even call them decisions) are not based on my interests but only on what's good for her disease to continue running her life. Get the house! You aren't abandoning hope and you aren't abandoning her.
But its true, her decisions (if you can even call them decisions) are not based on my interests but only on what's good for her disease to continue running her life. Get the house! You aren't abandoning hope and you aren't abandoning her.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
It always helps me when I start feeling that kind of guilt to remember that all the time my life centered around "being there" even when my daughters were not, it did absolutely nothing to help them move forward. It was only when I gave them the respect and dignity to make their own decisions and either reap the rewards or pay the consequences that they made progress. As Lynette said, we can love them to death by protecting them from life.
You are doing the right thing for you and I bet it is the right thing for your daughter too. Hugs
You are doing the right thing for you and I bet it is the right thing for your daughter too. Hugs
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
obsessed,
I think, even without you realizing it, that this move will help your daughter. She will have to rely on herself, she won't have a soft place to fall, and she will have to face the consequences of her actions.
IMO, it's time to move forward with YOUR life.
Hugs,
I think, even without you realizing it, that this move will help your daughter. She will have to rely on herself, she won't have a soft place to fall, and she will have to face the consequences of her actions.
IMO, it's time to move forward with YOUR life.
Hugs,
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