2many2count

Today started off as usual he was snoring still at 12 noon and I had 5 kids in the house. My daughters friend spent the night. We had a really rough night last night and I was so exhausted from that. My daughter was on her computer (on the internet) and my baby(2) cut the phone line with something...I still don't know what really happened. Anyhow, I rode to Wal-Mart to get another phone line and when I got back he was trashed. It just went through me like a rocket. I was so angry that I didn't speak to him. He kept trying to talk and I ignored. I'm really tired of kissing his A$$. Anyhow, he got mad and turned our kitchen table over and food went everywhere. I went for the phone and he came after me. My daughter ran down the hallway and said Let go of my mother, Quit it. Leave her alone, I mean it! So he turned to her and pushed her across the room so hard and I decked him! Then he threw a plate up against the wall and punched the deep freezer. I called his Dad and told him to come and get him or I was gonna have his BUTT arrested which I still may. This only happened about an hour ago and its not totally sinking in yet.
His father came and got him and that was the end of that. I do not feel upset right now. I know he's not gone for good but I'm calling his psychiatrist in the morning and I may have him committed for a few days. I just can't take much more stress. It's feels like I am the mother of 5 kids instead of 4. I'm 31 and I'm starting to feel way older than that. I have dark circles under my eyes from no sleep and I feel like a zombie.

Thanks for letting me share. It good therapy for me.

2many2count0

liddy

(((2many)))

I'm so sorry babe, the rotten side of this rotten disease.
you handled it well and he's out of the house.
you can rest tonight and know that the one who doesn't sleep
is watching over you,offering quiet and solitude.
love
liddy

2many2count

Thank you liddy.. You are right. Sometimes I forget when I feel so alone that he's right there always by my side. Thanks for the reminder.

love,
2manycount

2stop

2many,

I am so sorry to hear you going through this. I will say a prayer tonight for you and your family. Take good care of YOU tonight.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

Dottie

I feel your pain. I have that same kind of stress except my husband is a crack addict. I kicked him out several times in the past but this time I haven't let him back in. I have learned from this web site and from other spouses of addicts that you need to worry about you and those children first. He is a grown man let him worry about himself. I use to be like you, worring all the time. Well it played so much with my actions that I started thinking about killing myself. My mom noticed how stressed out I was and she suggested that I go to a doctor. I went to the doctor for my stress and he has put me on anti-depresents so that I can function without crying or worrying. It has helped alot but the key to it is to not worry about a grown man and worry about you and those kids. If something would happen to you who will take care of your kids the way you want them to. The only answer to that is "YOU". Don't let this distroy you like it has me. Please try to calm down and take a deep breath. You can do it if you set your mind to it. Don't feel guilty for what you did because he brought it on himself. I wish you the best of luck and I hope me telling you about me will help you open your eyes and realize that in the long run you are slowly hurting yourself. Don't do that because your kids need you.

love and kisses
keep your head held high

2many2count

Thanks for your advice. I love my kids more than anything on this earth and that is why he is gone. That is why I knocked the heck out of him protecting her. That is why I'm debating on calling the police and pressing charges against him. Everyone must be held accountable for their actions. I'm tired of his crap and this is about all I can take right now. I'm more upset for my daughter right now than anything else. I could really give a #^$% that he's gone. At least I don't have to hear his snoring A$$ tonight. But be rest assured that my daughter will be right beside me tonight with my arms wrapped tightly around her. Because I love her sooooooo much! She was my first true love. My first born.


2many2count

spongebob

Oh my god, I am so sorry! That must have been so scary. My husband has never gotten physical, just verbal, and that's bad enough. Are the kids OK? Are you OK? Of course you are not, but you did the right thing. You can't have him around if he's going to be violent. Good luck 2 many. I will be thinking of you and your family! I am so very sorry.
Maria

2many2count

Maria,
My kids are actually being very calm right now. The tension is gone. My son is watching Ace Ventura and my daughters are dancing in the bedroom. I think they realize whats going on and are staying out of my way and remaining calm for my sake. Or God has brought me some peace. Me? I'm falling apart at the seams. Scared to death. My husband has never gotten physical either he was a tongue lasher and this has floored me. I'm here picking up broken dishes and picking up broken hearts. Its awful but I know I'll make it. I just have to.

Thanks,
2many2count

spongebob

I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!
Maria

Debbie

************{2many}}}}}}}

I hope you are okay. Sounds like your kids are enjoying the peace and I am so glad your daughter wasn't hurt. I hope you can relax a little and try to put things out of your mind for now - I know easier said than done. You sound like one strong lady and I know things will work out for you - you said it yourself, you will make it.

You take care of you, sending you a ton of hugs!!

Take care.
Love,
Debbie

lyn_blossom78

So sorry this happened for you! I'm soooo glad you are all ok. My prayers are with you this evening.

Lyn

Ann

****{2 many}}}

Now would be a good time to take some space and regain your balance. Getting him out of there was the best thing to do and I am glad that you are all safe now.

Just keep praying and know that the answer will come.

JT

My thought is that he could press charges too. Ya know I stopped that kind of stuff a long time ago when I got sick of the violence. Amazingly enough, when I (yeah me) stopped going off, things calmed down.

Believe me I have done things I am not proud of. I broke a set of dishes once. I kicked a door in. I never hit my husband, mostly because I knew what I would get back. My attitude on many occasions started the violence. My drunk was doing what drunks do. I on the other hand I was losing it...and quickly. It is said that the children see the drunk as sick and the codependent as nuts.

There is a moment of time before we react that we still have a choice. We can walk away or escalate the situation. If you cannot walk away, then for the sake of your children, your husband and yourself you DO need to separate. There is no reason your children need to witness what they witnessed. There are no winners when violence breaks out.

Hugs,
JT

antreeta

I am so glad you and your family is okay for the moment and have a bit of peace. Remember one day at a time.

spedteach

2many2count~
Oh sweetie, I am SO sorry that you are going through all of this!! You ARE NOT ALONE!!! Please keep the faith and keep taking care of you and those beautiful babies! Everyone is here for you! I know completely what you mean about needing peace and not taking any more bs! You sound like you have hit YOUR bottom but remember, he won't change until he's hit HIS bottom!! You did the right thing to remove him, even if it's only temporarily...give yourself this time to think and sort things through in your mind and enjoy your kids

I'll keep thinking of you!! TONS of hugs to you and those kiddies

Jill

margo

Hi 2many - what I'm about to say may come off as harsh, but please understand that I say this with love and concern for you and your children. I had to read your post twice before replying, and I'm feeling quite disturbed. I grew up in a violent household and I can tell you that children never, ever forget these incidents. I know that witnessing violence like this as a child changed who I was. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and the behaviour that goes along with it is progressive too. Your husband has now progressed to violence towards not just you, but your daughter as well. The same goes for co-dependency - it's progressive also. You say that the provocation for this was the fact that you would not speak to him, but I've heard it said that 90% of communication is nonverbal - i.e. body language and attitude. It is clear that you are completely disgusted with your husband's alcoholism, and I understand that, but it is likely that it was more than your silence that pushed him over the edge. I know you have said that what happened hasn't sunk in yet, but when it does there should be some very big red flags waving. You say that everyone has to be accountable for their actions, and that includes the way you react to his drinking. As JT said, if you cannot take the choice of walking away, then it's time to take some action before something like this happens again. Children aren't just affected by violence, they are also affected by parental attitude and they will suffer the most in the end.

2many2count

I really do feel awful for hitting him but it was a reflex. When he pushed her he said to her" Why didn't you do this to your Dad when he beat the crap out of your mother? As the tears rolled down her face and she responded with " Because I was only a baby" I lost it. I haven't figured out whether I really regret it or not. I don't believe in violence but I don't believe in beating down an 11 year old who is very innocent. I don't know how I feel.
I am so angry and my night last night was terrible. He called the house about every 10 minutes after 1 a.m. until I took it off the hook. I talked to his father today and I told him not to bring him back here for now because I'm not ready to face him. I don't know if I want him here ever. Our house has never been violent physically until now and I'm scared to death. He has always been abusive with his mouth but that was the extent of it. It hurts just as bad. I'm shocked right now and very confused about what path I'm gonna take. I'm glad I found this place because I really don't have anyone that I can talk to about this today. Thanks for listening to everything I have said and I really appreciate your honesty.


Love,
2many2count

Sarah2003

(((((((((((2many)))))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that all of this happened to you and your daughter. I'm praying for you all.

Margo really said something that hit home for me.......

"Children aren't just affected by violence, they are also affected by parental attitude and they will suffer the most in the end."

I cried after reading about what you went through and cried even more after reading Margo's reply.

I can only offer my thoughts and prayers for you. I've read a lot of your posts during the last couple of months and have always learned from you. You have a great head on your shoulders, you're a fabulous Mom and you're always there to support others.

Is there a Crisis hotline in your area that you can call to talk to someone? I think that the Red Cross has local crisis hotlines in all areas of the country.

Please take care of yourself and your babies.

Sarah

2many2count

Thank you Sarah!
I always try to be very strong and I've now been hit with a big problem I wasn't prepared to face. Children are our little miracles and in the process of raising them you must always do your best for them. This isn't my best but that will change. I'm trying to hold my head high and keep trodding along even though I feel lost. I realize now that I have to make some major changes in my life now and not later because later may be too late. I love my children and I guess I'm a little worried about raising the 4 of them alone but if that is what I have to do I WILL DO IT. That is how much I love them.


Thanks for your prayers.....I need them.

Hugs,
2many2count

Sarah2003

I do know the fear of the thought of doing it all alone. AH and I separated for the first time in our 20 year marriage four months ago. I finally hit MY bottom and chose to make a drastic change in MY life.

He MAY have finally hit his bottom when I kicked him out. He's now active in AA, has a sponsor, and is on a more spiritual path. He's four months sober today.

And although I do see changes in him and his behavior, his temperment......I still don't trust it. I have to tell myself over and over again.....I need to see sustained changes over a long period of time before we can even BEGIN to work on our relationship.

We have three beautiful children and AH has always been a fairly good father. I can't say "great" because even though we both kept his alcoholism a secret from them, they knew something was just not right with some of his behaviors.

It's a scary and sometimes lonely road right now, but I am soooo proud of myself for making the decision to separate. It is for the best. At the beginning of our separation, I was as messed up as he. I had repressed so many alcohol-related incidents and felt that I was always giving, giving, giving to maintain.

I've learned a lot about myself and can actually feel myself getting stronger. I still stuggle with my boundaries at times, but I'm working on them.

A couple of great books that I'd recommend to you are "Setting Boundaries" and "Safe People" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They, along with the Melody Beattie books, have really helped me.

Take care of yourself, 2many. You are strong and you can do it.

Sarah