oh my god
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: california
Posts: 8
oh my god
I just wrote out this long, really thought out post. Before posting it, I proofread, and proofread it again and again. Made sure it was what I wanted to say.....
It didn't work. It didn't get posted for whatever reason. I'm drained.............I can't retype that whole thing again. I'm scared and I'm drinking and I'm worn out!!!!!!!!!!
It didn't work. It didn't get posted for whatever reason. I'm drained.............I can't retype that whole thing again. I'm scared and I'm drinking and I'm worn out!!!!!!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
Could it be that you weren't logged on? You have to log in before you can post. I am sorry you lost your post, but we're here to offer support. You can stop drinking and find peace in your life.
Could it be that you weren't logged on? You have to log in before you can post. I am sorry you lost your post, but we're here to offer support. You can stop drinking and find peace in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: california
Posts: 8
I don't know. I was logged on. Maybe I took too long in my post and it timed me out? I don't know.
I'm just tired. I wake up every morning and the first thing that I think is 'I don't want to drink today' but I know...I just know that I will. I drink every.single.day.
But it doesn't take as much now and I'm blacking out ALOT. I used to be able to drink anyone under the table. I used to be proud of that when I was young. Lovely eh?
I have made a few attempts to stop. But I just can't. I am tired of waking up with a headache. I'm tired of not sleeping well. I'm tired and embarrassed about all the bottles of wine that go into my garbage each week.
I'm just plain old tired.
i have a boyfriend who is a recovering alcoholic/addict. He hasn't had alcohol in something like 10 years. Hasn't had heroin in a long time either. The heroin thing really still scares me when I think about it. So I try not to think about it. I think he doesn't take my drinking seriously. Enabler??? I don't know. I honestly don't think that he knows how much I black out. I pretend like I remember the night before alot. Now it only take 3/4 a bottle to black out. I'm worried about what I'm doing to my body. I'm worried about myself. But I'm scared. Scared to try to stop. Crazy. I tried and went to some meetings, but not really 'tried'.
sigh....I'm so tired......as I'm sitting here drinking.........
I'm just tired. I wake up every morning and the first thing that I think is 'I don't want to drink today' but I know...I just know that I will. I drink every.single.day.
But it doesn't take as much now and I'm blacking out ALOT. I used to be able to drink anyone under the table. I used to be proud of that when I was young. Lovely eh?
I have made a few attempts to stop. But I just can't. I am tired of waking up with a headache. I'm tired of not sleeping well. I'm tired and embarrassed about all the bottles of wine that go into my garbage each week.
I'm just plain old tired.
i have a boyfriend who is a recovering alcoholic/addict. He hasn't had alcohol in something like 10 years. Hasn't had heroin in a long time either. The heroin thing really still scares me when I think about it. So I try not to think about it. I think he doesn't take my drinking seriously. Enabler??? I don't know. I honestly don't think that he knows how much I black out. I pretend like I remember the night before alot. Now it only take 3/4 a bottle to black out. I'm worried about what I'm doing to my body. I'm worried about myself. But I'm scared. Scared to try to stop. Crazy. I tried and went to some meetings, but not really 'tried'.
sigh....I'm so tired......as I'm sitting here drinking.........
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR....
I too once drank alcohol excessively
and I am now a sober alcoholic.
This can be true for you too!
There is hope and healing and health.
Glad you found us...
I too once drank alcohol excessively
and I am now a sober alcoholic.
This can be true for you too!
There is hope and healing and health.
Glad you found us...
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Parismom, I'm in a similar situation. Not the same, but similar. I'm sitting here with an open can next to me, thinking "what the f*ck am I doing, I don't want to do this to myself!" So I don't have a lot of advice.
One thing I can say, though: I can almost guarantee you, he knows when you black out. Maybe try leveling with him, letting him know how you feel. I'm willing to bet he can help you, if you let him.
One thing I can say, though: I can almost guarantee you, he knows when you black out. Maybe try leveling with him, letting him know how you feel. I'm willing to bet he can help you, if you let him.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
You can start by making a choice to not drink tonight and then deal with tomorrow when it comes. You can do this and there is no easy way, but to stop. Force yourself to do something else and take your mind off things for a few minutes. Just get through the minutes and hours and you will start to feel better in every way.
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Well, make that your goal, then. Tomorrow you don't have to do anything more than open up to him. When I decided I wanted to kick this, that's what I did--my big goal for the day was "call Mom, tell her you want to get better." (Mom's not an alcoholic, but she is the person I'm closest to.) Less than a month later, I've got an amazing support group in SR and I've got my IOP eval appointment on Monday.
Tomorrow you don't have to do anything more than open up to him. When I decided I wanted to kick this, that's what I did--my big goal for the day was "call Mom, tell her you want to get better." (Mom's not an alcoholic, but she is the person I'm closest to.) Less than a month later, I've got an amazing support group in SR and I've got my IOP eval appointment on Monday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: california
Posts: 8
Anna... too late...already drinking tonight.
Tomorrow I will wake up and think.....not today.
I am really getting tired of this.
Posting here really just to get it out and hope to shake some sense into myself..........
Tomorrow I will wake up and think.....not today.
I am really getting tired of this.
Posting here really just to get it out and hope to shake some sense into myself..........
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
You'll get there, Paris!
4 months ago I was searching for "health issues of alcoholics" when I accidentally stumbled on SR. I feel now that I was guided here... I spent the first month just reading & crying, drinking the whole time. I didn't really intend to stop, was afraid to make that commitment and fail, wasn't ready... The more I read on here & even started to post a bit (I'm really shy) the stronger I became. I now had a family, people who understood exactly where I'd been - no judging or criticizing. It was a miracle to me. Gradually I gained the strength & courage to go for it. I'm doing well - many stumbles along the way, but I know I'm ready this time. And you will be too. Love & caring going up there to you! Joanie
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