sleepygoat

Fear, that is. It's been about a week or 10 days since I've heard from my daughter. Her phone has the "this nextel customer cannot be reached" message, which means she's run out of minutes (or it could mean she lost her phone again, or it could mean she's lying in a dumpster somewhere and.....)

Truly, I don't know how the hell I got thru all those months when she was missing. But that little edge of fear is rearing its ugly head again.

Given her "lifestyle" of crack, heroin, and 'dancing' in clubs, my mind can really run wild with the lovely possiblities. When I hear her voice, I'm OK for 5 or 6 days. then it starts again.

So I remind myself that i have a Higher Power who is loving, caring, and greater than the disease of addiction - but sometimes it just feels like a bandaid instead of a healing force.

mjpaao

(( sleepygoat ))
I think all of us know how you're feeling all too well. All I can tell you is to try to keep the focus on yourself, and pray to your hp to take care of the rest.
I'll pray that your daughter is safe tonight, and you can find some peace. Hugs to you.

marle

I totally understand the feeling. I used to beg my daughter to just text me a message that she is okay. And then I realized that even with that message, I was not okay. Because at any moment she could still take that drug that will end her life. Things with her will never be okay as long as she continues to use. That part of addiction will always hurt, but I have had to find a way to be okay with that. Now I take life one day at a time. Some days the pain is still almost unbearable. But I tell myself that I can make it today. Other days are good and some days are even joyous. It is a long process and one that I must consciously work on every day. You are not alone. We are here to help. Hugs, Marle

Lobo

I understand the feeling of not knowing where they are. My RAD lived 3000 miles away from home and There were times I didn't know if she was dead or alive. There was nothing I could do but pray.
Now my daughter is sober, living with me and doing well. She lived a very bad life out in Calif. I don't know how I survived it, but by the grace of God I did without going crazy.
Something that helped me was I used to ask God to cradle her in His arms and walk beside her and never leave her side. I used to picture God doing that for her because she was His child and He was her heavenly Father. I took comfort in that.

I'm praying that you AD is safe and God is taking care of her.

Hugs..........Lo

bookmiser

(((((((Sleepygoat))))))))


Thinking of you and praying your daughter contacts you soon with
a good update. Repeat the serenity prayer often and take it one day
at a time.
Hugs,

outonalimb

((((((((((sleepygoat))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you and all of you moms who have to wonder where your child is and if they are doing okay.

I can only imagine how hard it must be sometimes.

I think it was Big Sis who said that God doesn't have any grandchildren. I really liked this saying. Its a good way of saying that your daughter's HP is ALWAYS with her. She might be ignoring her HP right now but her HP is there with her nevertheless.

Big hugs to you sleepygoat...:ghug3
I hope you find some peace today...
:praying

hope213

sending prayers up for the both of you. i know the feeling of fear,say a prayer & try to turn her over to your H.P. hugs,

sleepygoat

Should I call her boyfriend (they live together but have separate cells) to a)find out that she's OK and b)ask him to tell her to call me?

She recently told me he finds my phone calls "annoying". I only call him when I can't reach her on her own cell phone. It would give me peace of mind if he said, "Yeah, she's alright" and I'd have a better day - but i also suspect i should just hang in there until either she calls me or until she puts some minutes on her phone and I can call her.

I hate the underlying anxiety all the time - even when I'm working, or going to a meeting, or cooking, or doing anything - its always there just under the surface.

Lobo

Sleepygoat,
I think if you have a way of finding out if she is okay then I would go for it. Why should you suffer just because he thinks your phone calls are annoying.
That is just too bad......what about how this situation is annoying you. The worst thing that can happen is he won't answer the phone. I might even block my number. You have a right to know if your daughter is dead or alive.
I say if you have a connection.....go for it and don't worry about what they think.

caileesnana

Those feelings are the worst, I also know the pain. I pray God will protect her until she decides to change her life.
susan
:praying

mooselips

sleepygoat,
I've had those times too, worrying about my oldest son...just hearing a siren would set me off...

IMO, if you can call someone and ease your anxiety, I say make the call.

I'm praying for your daughter, that she is safe, and her H.P. is watching over her....