aspiring

I think I have taken a hundred steps backwards today... I am so overwhelmed. Around 11 this morning I looked out and my woods was on fire. Had 4 fire companies and forestry commission her. Worst part.... they said it was arson.
I am exhausted , shaking and just want to cave in. I called the XA to let him know since he still has an investment in all this too and he was so nasty. I just broke down and cried.
Now I am supposed to somehow sleep tonight, even though they said it will probably flare up over the next couple days. My lungs hurt from all the smoke and I just feel beat up.... and so alone.

FormerDoormat

Can you spend the night with a relative or friend or perhaps a local hotel?

chero

So sorry, Aspiring! That's awful!!

Sending hugs and prayers your way!!
(((((A)))))

Janitw

OMG Aspring !!!!!!!!! I have woods attached to my property also and OMG I don't know what I would do in a situation like this.....are you okay??? Were there any buildings involved? Stay strong hun....be on the watch for the flare ups....thats all you can do at this point...I would just like to kick your A in his rear for not being there and supportive for you...let me at him...just let me at him.

Janitw

ichabod

Yipes! I don't blame you one bit for being overwhelmed. I agree that you should try to spend the night or a few nights away from home, just to calm down and also to allow the air to recover a little bit.

Sorry about your A being a butt.

gns

I am sorry aspiring, we are thinking about you and sending you prayers.

aspiring

Thank you all so much for your prayers and concern. It appears the little flare ups are done and I actually got a night's sleep !! Sometimes it's the basics that head our gratitude lists !! lolol

Prior to the firemen arriving was about the scariest thing I have ever been through !!! I must have looked like a brave little warrior out there armed with a garden house spraying ahead of a wall of flames... I can laugh now at the image that must have been to them !!! lololol

XA's attitude and response to it all shouldn't have surprised me ... kind of why we split up 2 months ago. I was just in such a weak moment and he never misses a chance to kick me when I'm down. And not surprisingly he never called yesterday to see if things were ok.. not with me but with the charred remains of the woods and flare ups.
His behavior was a good reminder to me, that although 'maybe' sober.. without recovery, without working any thing for 2 years... nothing changes for him. Me... I was writing away making a gratitude list as soon as I could !!! lolol Didn't want to fall back into that negative thinking !!!

So thanks again all !!!! I needed a safe place to vent.... and ya'll let me.

Mary