That "washed-out", "run-down" feeling...
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
That "washed-out", "run-down" feeling...
Hi everyone
The subject line pretty much say's it all. I usually drink about 10 beers every other day and end up with a hangover the following day (big suprise there). Today however, I felt so crappy that at about 2:00PM I just "automatically" went to the fridge and grabbed a beer...and another...and another, etc.
Well, I ran out of beer and stopped drinking for a few hours while my friend went shopping and so I started to sober up just a bit earlier than I normally do and suddenly realized how washed out and run down I felt. I bent down to do something and when I stood up again it took a few extra seconds and I got sore in the legs and felt like a 90 year old man. I'd like to think this was because I just switched to a very cheap (and skunky-tasting) beer because I've not felt this way before but perhaps it was just the earlier hangover (which I usually sleep through/off).
The thing is, I've blown my chance of waking up tommorow morning without the usual hangover and feeling good but if I didn't drink anything all day tommorow, the next morning I would wake up feeling like I was 20 again.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels washed out and run down (as I've described it) while hungover.
The other thing is, I don't understand is how someone can be fed beer out of a baby bottle as an infant, grow up an alcoholic, drink 2 5th's of gin every day for 30 years and still be alive and kicking today and yet I feel like crap after only a lousy year of drinking beer every other day. Oh yes, I also smoke when I drink. Oh joy!.
Need4Change
The subject line pretty much say's it all. I usually drink about 10 beers every other day and end up with a hangover the following day (big suprise there). Today however, I felt so crappy that at about 2:00PM I just "automatically" went to the fridge and grabbed a beer...and another...and another, etc.
Well, I ran out of beer and stopped drinking for a few hours while my friend went shopping and so I started to sober up just a bit earlier than I normally do and suddenly realized how washed out and run down I felt. I bent down to do something and when I stood up again it took a few extra seconds and I got sore in the legs and felt like a 90 year old man. I'd like to think this was because I just switched to a very cheap (and skunky-tasting) beer because I've not felt this way before but perhaps it was just the earlier hangover (which I usually sleep through/off).
The thing is, I've blown my chance of waking up tommorow morning without the usual hangover and feeling good but if I didn't drink anything all day tommorow, the next morning I would wake up feeling like I was 20 again.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels washed out and run down (as I've described it) while hungover.
The other thing is, I don't understand is how someone can be fed beer out of a baby bottle as an infant, grow up an alcoholic, drink 2 5th's of gin every day for 30 years and still be alive and kicking today and yet I feel like crap after only a lousy year of drinking beer every other day. Oh yes, I also smoke when I drink. Oh joy!.
Need4Change
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Like D said, Need4 - your body is crying out for a break...please do whatever it takes to give yourself the rest you need and deserve...I wish I had a magic solution for you, I truly do. Prayers out to you - J
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I know Dee and Jomey. You and everyone else here are absolutely right but honestly, I really DO feel hopeless as far as my drinking is concerned and my apparent inability to remain sober. I've tried many different meds, sincere prayers, AA (sorry, it did'nt work for me) and now I hear that my uncle just came out of rehab and went right back to drinking again (although according to him, he does'nt drink "as much"). How totally discouraging )-:
I've heard people (not necessarily anyone here) say "if you really want to quit, just quit" or "you just don't want to quit" as if it was that easy and I could just "wish" this horrible disease away. It it were that easy, I'm sure AIDS patients could simply "quit" having AIDS...cancer patients could just "speak" thier cancer out of existance and diabetics could simply snap thier fingers and be magically healed. Unfortunately, in the REAL world we live in, it just is'nt that easy and I truly feel like I have run out of options and so I have been doing a lot of research lately desperately trying to find the magic cure that will keep me sober and meanwhile, I am trying to "manage" my drinking (which I know is a controversial subject).
Need4Change
I've heard people (not necessarily anyone here) say "if you really want to quit, just quit" or "you just don't want to quit" as if it was that easy and I could just "wish" this horrible disease away. It it were that easy, I'm sure AIDS patients could simply "quit" having AIDS...cancer patients could just "speak" thier cancer out of existance and diabetics could simply snap thier fingers and be magically healed. Unfortunately, in the REAL world we live in, it just is'nt that easy and I truly feel like I have run out of options and so I have been doing a lot of research lately desperately trying to find the magic cure that will keep me sober and meanwhile, I am trying to "manage" my drinking (which I know is a controversial subject).
Need4Change
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Need4 - I am so sorry you are discouraged and feel hopeless...I am (to quote a good friend of mine from SR) "just a poor, dumb hillbilly" 
and I really don't know what to tell you other than no one's experiences are the same when it comes to this disease, so please don't compare what might happen to you if you tried rehab with what your uncle has experienced. I just wish peace for you my friend, like I said, I wish I knew what to tell you...Not everyone can "just quit", you're right, but in my opinion you have to be willing to go to the ends of the earth to heal if you really want to. If you had a rare cancer that could only be treated by a month's stay in a hospital in Timbuktu, would you go, at any risk and any cost, even if there was a possibility that the procedure may not be a total success,but you would surely die without it? If the answer to that is "yes"...then you have your answer on what it takes to quit...you gotta do anything, be ready to go anywhere, to try to find that "Timbuktu". Love ya, friend
and I really don't know what to tell you other than no one's experiences are the same when it comes to this disease, so please don't compare what might happen to you if you tried rehab with what your uncle has experienced. I just wish peace for you my friend, like I said, I wish I knew what to tell you...Not everyone can "just quit", you're right, but in my opinion you have to be willing to go to the ends of the earth to heal if you really want to. If you had a rare cancer that could only be treated by a month's stay in a hospital in Timbuktu, would you go, at any risk and any cost, even if there was a possibility that the procedure may not be a total success,but you would surely die without it? If the answer to that is "yes"...then you have your answer on what it takes to quit...you gotta do anything, be ready to go anywhere, to try to find that "Timbuktu". Love ya, friend
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
I am sorry, Need 4, I am having trouble recalling all your details...have you ever tried a one-on-one counselor who might be able to take in all your info. on what you have tried in terms of quitting and give you an action plan?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I've heard people (not necessarily anyone here) say "if you really want to quit, just quit" as if it was that easy and I could just "wish" this horrible disease away. It it were that easy, I'm sure AIDS patients could simply "quit" having AIDS...cancer patients could just "speak" thier cancer out of existance and diabetics could simply snap thier fingers and be magically healed.
You've had many helpful suggestions here, N4C - what *are* you going to do ?
Picking up another beer is not effective, it's short term, and it's drawing you closer to a dark place.
Please - do some serious thinking.
You've not even come close to exhausting all your options yet.
D
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I guess what I was thinking was that while we are in control of picking up that next drink, it is still classified as a disease and it is the disease that causes us to pick up in the first place even though it is our arm/hand reaching into the fridge to grab that 10'th frosty but your point is well taken and respected. I hope you are right Dee. I want more options. I need more options. I don't ever want to run out of hope. I don't ever want to quit trying. I will keep posting and trying to escape this pit...
Need4Change
Need4Change
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The one problem I have with the disease model is - this is not a fait accompli. We're not helpless, we do have a part to play in that we actually keep choosing to make ourselves ill. It's not easy - but we can do something about it.
You've had many helpful suggestions here, N4C - what *are* you going to do ?
Picking up another beer is not effective, it's short term, and it's drawing you closer to a dark place.
Please - do some serious thinking.
You've not even come close to exhausting all your options yet.
D
You've had many helpful suggestions here, N4C - what *are* you going to do ?
Picking up another beer is not effective, it's short term, and it's drawing you closer to a dark place.
Please - do some serious thinking.
You've not even come close to exhausting all your options yet.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
We're glad you are here, Need4. We need you as much as you need us. I know it's lame to say "do whatever it takes" without a more concrete definition of "what it takes"...sorry, please, just don't lose hope..J
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Thank you so much Jomey!!! . I don't think what you said was lame at all. In fact you hit it right on the head because all of us need to do whatever it takes, keep trying and NEVER give up hope. I swear, I would probably be in a psych ward by now without the support of you and other people on this forum.
Need4Change
. I don't think what you said was lame at all. In fact you hit it right on the head because all of us need to do whatever it takes, keep trying and NEVER give up hope. I swear, I would probably be in a psych ward by now without the support of you and other people on this forum.Need4Change
Originally Posted by Jomey
We're glad you are here, Need4. We need you as much as you need us. I know it's lame to say "do whatever it takes" without a more concrete definition of "what it takes"...sorry, please, just don't lose hope..J
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I just meant...don't go thinking that because this is a disease we can't do anything about it...we might be powerless in terms of drink, but we're not helpless - we just have to find the tools that work for us to stop ourselves from taking that first drink.
anybody with a serious lifethreatening illness will find they will, likely as not, have to change their lifestyles to maximise chance of recovery.
We're no different.
You've avoided my other question, but I'm not letting go here - we've all spoken about rehab with you, Jomey's mentioned one on counselling, I mentioned seeing your doctor for help with withdrawal - all these things are things you can do now, instead of that 1Oth frosty
they're way harder to do, they're scary, there's way less immediate gratification - but the choice is yours.
D
anybody with a serious lifethreatening illness will find they will, likely as not, have to change their lifestyles to maximise chance of recovery.
We're no different.
You've avoided my other question, but I'm not letting go here - we've all spoken about rehab with you, Jomey's mentioned one on counselling, I mentioned seeing your doctor for help with withdrawal - all these things are things you can do now, instead of that 1Oth frosty
they're way harder to do, they're scary, there's way less immediate gratification - but the choice is yours.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
I know how you feel...I owe my recovery to my friends at SR...of which I count you as one. Just keep on trying...and keep in touch...guess it's the mother hen in me that worries when I don't hear from my little "chicks" that are going through a hard time...don't be a stranger! Hugs my hillbilly buddy, J
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I agree with you Dee but I really feel from my own personal experience and from various articles (and other personal experiences) I have read that not everyone is able to use these tools. Long-term alcohol use actually damages the same part of the brain responsible for the will to quit according to one study I read which would seem to negate the ability to stop at that 10'th frosty...
http://news.*****.com/s/livescience/...lternativetoaa
In reading this I want you to absolutely know that I am not out to create a controversy (that's the very LAST thing I want) and that I realize your good intentions and they are greatly appreciated. I think what we have here is simply a difference of opinion and it is a good thing when people can come together and share different views so please don't take offense, ok?
Need4Change
http://news.*****.com/s/livescience/...lternativetoaa
In reading this I want you to absolutely know that I am not out to create a controversy (that's the very LAST thing I want) and that I realize your good intentions and they are greatly appreciated. I think what we have here is simply a difference of opinion and it is a good thing when people can come together and share different views so please don't take offense, ok?
Need4Change
Originally Posted by Dee74
I just meant...don't go thinking that because this is a disease we can't do anything about it...we might be powerless in terms of drink, but we're not helpless - we just have to find the tools that work for us to stop ourselves from taking that first drink.
anybody with a serious lifethreatening illness will find they will, likely as not, have to change their lifestyles to maximise chance of recovery.
We're no different.
You've avoided my other question, but I'm not letting go here - we've all spoken about rehab with you, Jomey's mentioned one on counselling, I mentioned seeing your doctor for help with withdrawal - all these things are things you can do now, instead of that 1Oth frosty
they're way harder to do, they're scary, there's way less immediate gratification - but the choice is yours.
D
anybody with a serious lifethreatening illness will find they will, likely as not, have to change their lifestyles to maximise chance of recovery.
We're no different.
You've avoided my other question, but I'm not letting go here - we've all spoken about rehab with you, Jomey's mentioned one on counselling, I mentioned seeing your doctor for help with withdrawal - all these things are things you can do now, instead of that 1Oth frosty
they're way harder to do, they're scary, there's way less immediate gratification - but the choice is yours.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I drank, daily, all day, for that last 5 years N4C....and I'm brain damaged before that (cerebral palsy)
I didn't use anything but a very real fear of dying, posting on SR, and a lot of hard work in never, no matter how I felt, never picking up a drink.
today - this very day - I'm 8 months sober. Go figure.
No offense at all but straight talk time - there are a lot of ppl here who drank a lot more than 10 or so beers every other day, and for a lot longer than you've been N4C. To suggest you're beyond help is an insult to yourself and to a lot of other people here. And, believe me I'm pulling my punches there.
Stop making excuses, man.
You can quote me all the studies you like - if you think you're licked you will be.
I didn't use anything but a very real fear of dying, posting on SR, and a lot of hard work in never, no matter how I felt, never picking up a drink.
today - this very day - I'm 8 months sober. Go figure.
No offense at all but straight talk time - there are a lot of ppl here who drank a lot more than 10 or so beers every other day, and for a lot longer than you've been N4C. To suggest you're beyond help is an insult to yourself and to a lot of other people here. And, believe me I'm pulling my punches there.
Stop making excuses, man.
You can quote me all the studies you like - if you think you're licked you will be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Need4 - I have never found it easy to be very direct with people (something I am working towards in my recovery ) but I have to say I agree with 'Cuda and D. We're all here for you and want the best for you...you can win this fight and we want to help you do it! Hugs, J
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Dee...I know you are trying to help and I accept and appreciate your help (as I do everyone's here) and I know (as I stated earlier) that there are people who have been drinking far more and far longer than myself but I also realize that everyone is different and that everyone is going to have a different experience getting (and staying) sober and that not everyone is going to succeed 100% of the time (as with anything).
I also realize that there are tons of studies out there and, of course, I was not placing the one I cited above or beneath any of the other studies, articles or posts I've read over the past months. I am simply searching for answers...absorbing information...trying to find a way out of this pit I am in right now. That is all. Nothing more. Nothing less. No insulting anyone (including myself)...simply a lot of heavy-duty soul searching...and I have a laundry list of health probs (and other probs) myself so I've been there (big time). Alcoholism is just one more piece of "baggage" for me and I hav'nt been able to find my own way out yet but I hav'nt given up hope either(that would be fatal). It's a tough fight. Straight talk.
Need4Change
I also realize that there are tons of studies out there and, of course, I was not placing the one I cited above or beneath any of the other studies, articles or posts I've read over the past months. I am simply searching for answers...absorbing information...trying to find a way out of this pit I am in right now. That is all. Nothing more. Nothing less. No insulting anyone (including myself)...simply a lot of heavy-duty soul searching...and I have a laundry list of health probs (and other probs) myself so I've been there (big time). Alcoholism is just one more piece of "baggage" for me and I hav'nt been able to find my own way out yet but I hav'nt given up hope either(that would be fatal). It's a tough fight. Straight talk.
Need4Change
Originally Posted by Dee74
I drank, daily, all day, for that last 5 years N4C....and I'm brain damaged before that (cerebral palsy)
I didn't use anything but a very real fear of dying, posting on SR, and a lot of hard work in never, no matter how I felt, never picking up a drink.
today - this very day - I'm 8 months sober. Go figure.
No offense at all but straight talk time - there are a lot of ppl here who drank a lot more than 10 or so beers every other day, and for a lot longer than you've been N4C. To suggest you're beyond help is an insult to yourself and to a lot of other people here. And, believe me I'm pulling my punches there.
Stop making excuses, man.
You can quote me all the studies you like - if you think you're licked you will be.
I didn't use anything but a very real fear of dying, posting on SR, and a lot of hard work in never, no matter how I felt, never picking up a drink.
today - this very day - I'm 8 months sober. Go figure.
No offense at all but straight talk time - there are a lot of ppl here who drank a lot more than 10 or so beers every other day, and for a lot longer than you've been N4C. To suggest you're beyond help is an insult to yourself and to a lot of other people here. And, believe me I'm pulling my punches there.
Stop making excuses, man.
You can quote me all the studies you like - if you think you're licked you will be.
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I feel like something has "happened" here and it troubles me deeply because I have devoted a lot of time recently on this forum, made what I consider a lot of friends and now somehow, I feel like...well...I just can't put my finger on it at the moment. Perhaps it's just the state of mind I'm in right now (drunk and severely depressed/an emotional wreck). Maybe it was a mistake creating this thread while drinking )-:
Need4Change
Need4Change
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hiya Need,
Seems that your feelings were hurt. Mine have been a few times here as well, but anything shared with you is someone's ESH, and sometimes it gets tough. It's not pleasant to hear, but if you want straight talk, if you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired, take all the ESH in. Those folks who are being hard on you, will be the first ones to celebrate with you when you get some sober time.
Getting sober wasn't easy for any of us here. Not a one. It SUCKS. It's HARD.
You CAN do this. Do you want too?
And STOP buying the beer hon!!
big hugs,
Karen
Seems that your feelings were hurt. Mine have been a few times here as well, but anything shared with you is someone's ESH, and sometimes it gets tough. It's not pleasant to hear, but if you want straight talk, if you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired, take all the ESH in. Those folks who are being hard on you, will be the first ones to celebrate with you when you get some sober time.
Getting sober wasn't easy for any of us here. Not a one. It SUCKS. It's HARD.
You CAN do this. Do you want too?
And STOP buying the beer hon!!
big hugs,
Karen
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