parent

Hi Everyone,

My son and GF's housewarming went great. I followed all your advice and relaxed, enjoyed the day and was supportive. The GF's grandma was a sweetie as I thought she would be. The mom and dad were pleasant and mingled. And they stayed for a nice while...gf thought they would only stay an hour. I guess they relaxed once they could see we weren't going to give them dirty looks or something. Everyone was really relaxed and enjoyed the day. A family friend did a beautiful blessing for their new home. I made them a scrapbook and everyone wrote their warm wishes to them. My son and GF were so excited and nervous but they did a great job hosting their first gathering.

After the party, my son and gf said they were so happy everything worked out so great. They admitted they were going
try to keep THE PARENTS at a distance, just incase! And they were glad they didn't. They really wanted a first gathering to break the ice...so there is hope for future gatherings.

Now, back to reality. I am still concerned that my son is using. I am starting to see signs that make me nervous. The GF seems to be watching him closely. I am trying not to stress myself over this. He was clean at the party and the days he has come over but he is using my phone and I don't know why.

I am concerned about how they are going to pay for this apartment and living when they seem to go through money like wild fire. I know I had to encourage them to find their own place even though I was scared. I like that they are not living with me anymore. But the expenses of moving into apartment and all....I don't want to be helping them financial forever!

This just seems to be another chapter that could go wrong. It seems that they have alot of growing up to make it go right. Especially in the finance department.

Always,
Parent

margo

Hi Parent - I'm glad to hear that the housewarming went so well, and as I'm not far from you I know that the weather was HOT!!!

Your son and his girlfriend are now in control of their own apartment. If they have a tendency to go through their money that fast, they will have a rude wake-up call very soon. So often, the only way to learn is by our own mistakes, so if they don't plan properly, financial responsibility should be a lesson that they will learn very quickly. I know how hard it is to let go of the worry, but try to do it anyway to the best of your ability. My daughter and boyfriend just moved into their own place at the beginning of this month and they too have been really irresponsible with their money in the past. However, this is a place that they got themselves with money they had worked for, and I hope that they will do whatever is necessary to keep their heads above water. It's a big step to be in a place of their own, but we all know that people tend to put more value on the things they have to work for themselves.

Hopefully your son is not using again. This is something that you're not going to stop worrying about overnight. However, try to detach as best as you can and continue to work your programme and look after you - all the worrying in the world won't make any difference, and will only drive you nuts. I know this is easier said than done, Parent.

Love and hugs.

parent

Hi Margo,

Thank you for your reply. I am getting edgy and it is showing today. I have been on the site most of the day. I could be cleaning up my house..but I feel slightly uneasy.

Maybe because...I am so use to after something positive happens...something negative follows. Like everyone was on good behaviour to prepare for the housewarming. And now that it is behind us...what will happen next. We have no way of knowing but the fear is there. The calm before the storm?

It is tough knowing the addiction plays such a heavy role in their lives. That every moment the uncertainty is there...in the back of my mind.

It is nice to know you are close by...somehow that is comforting.

Always,
Parent

alyx

Hi Parent,

I really related to your "feeling edgy". My son has been back home since last Tuesday, clean and sober. He is making changes in his lifestyle, he is attending meetings everyday. But there is still this edgyness in the back of our minds, can we trust him at all?

A few nights ago some of his friends came over and I freaked. I realize in retrospect that when he was "using" he would sit in his friends cars outside and use. There he was talking, sitting in his friend's car. It looked like drug behavior to me. The next day I gave him a drug test and we talked. I asked him to invite his friends into our home if they wanted to visit. Knowing that he is willing to take a test at anytime is a relief to me. There isn't a question of using, I just test him and know.

I am glad he is back home. He's gained 20 lbs and started exercising again. He looks good, he looks rested. We are taking it one day at a time. I hope the same for you.

parent

Hi Alyx,

Yes, I know I have to stuggle to keep positive. As it turned out all was fine today.
It started in the morning when my son came over and borrowed some money for gas. Later he used the mobile phone outside and then left. This is a trigger for me.
Anyways, he phoned later this evening and was out of milk. When they moved out, I told them that I wasn't willing to just hand over money for food, rather I would buy it and give it to them on the "occasions" they were short. Also, I asked if this was going to be a "normal" visit. He laughed and said Yes, I won't be asking for anything but the milk. And so it was. Plus, he was just fine. All that worrying and edginess I felt today and all was well. I am so grateful that he phoned for milk!!!!!

So, tomorrow is yet to come but I am feeling confident I will be okay. I will try to ready myself for what may come...good or not so good...

Always,
Parent

Morning Glory

Hi Parent,

I got the food call the other day too. I was so relieved that he only needed food and it wasn't something else. We just take it as it comes and try not to worry in the inbetween times. Use that time to enjoy yourself somehow.

I just have to ask. Whatever happened to their rats?

Hugs,
MG

parent

Hi Morning Glory!

How I laughed when you mentioned those rats! How wonderful of you to remember! The rat saga ended one day when my son came home from the recovery house that didn't accept methadon clients and to top his day off...he discovery his rat died that day. My son was grateful he got a chance to see him before that...as you may remember I carted that rat in a shoebox to visit my son. God...what we do for our kids! Shortly after, GF put her rat to sleep because that rat had tumors. They kept her rat alive with medication until his rat died. It was going to cost over $100 to operate on her rat! I couldn't believe it! So the rat saga ended peacefully! My comment to both of them....Please, don't get another rat! Thank goodness their apartment doesn't allow pets of any kind! How long ago that seems!

This actually gets me wondering...is there a way to bring up my past postings. Just curious to read my past thoughts.

Always,
Parent

Morning Glory

That's sad about the rats. You can bring up your old posts by going into your profile and clicking on a little link at the top that says Search for all posts by this user. Just click on the profile button right at the top of your post above this one.

Hugs,
MG

Here is the link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...searchid=42524

alyx

I am with you on the food thing.... I don't mind buying food my struggling son or daughter.. at least they are eating.