odaat

Hi Otis.

I'm an alcoholic, and I've been sober for just over a year. I'm 20.

I get the voice in my head that tells me I'm giving up for the wrong reasons. It also tells me that I've surely got a few more years of drinking left in me, that I should have one last blow out, that I'm not a real alcoholic, that I'm a fake etc. I've learnt that this is my 'alcoholic voice'. Its my disease trying to get me to drink. Its pretty crafty, but easier to ignore when I recognise it for what it is.

I've also learnt that my recovery has to come before anything else. Without my recovery, I won't have any friends or family left. Sometimes we do have to let relationships go so we can get better. Its sad, but not as sad as where we'd end up if we carried on.

Here is a quote from the story "My chance to live" from the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous):

"No one who drank as I did wakes up on the edge of the abyss one morning and says: Things look pretty scary; I think I'd better stop drinking before I fall in. I was convinced I could go as far as I wanted, and then climb back out when it wasn't fun anymore. What happened was, I found myself at the bottom of the canyon thinking I'd never see the sun again."

Someone once said to me "If you have to ask if you've got a problem, then you probably do". Why not go along to an AA meeting and listen? You might find some of the answers to your questions.

windsurfer33

Hi Otis,
You`ve come to the right place, I gave up drinking 4 weeks tommorrow and it is difficult to know if you are doing the right thing. I guess what you have got to ask yourself is would I be a better person without drinking in my life. You have got you whole life ahead of you and many people on here including me would say that you don`t want to waste it. You say a few things that sort of make me think that you know yourself that something is wrong
"I become a different person. I hate it. I wake up feeling ashamed and embarrassed."
"but there’s something different about the way I drink. I can feel it. I’ve started changing completely."
Only you can decide if you need to completly stop or cut down, But either way there is people here who will support and help you.
take care :comfort

tellus

Hi, Otis. Welcome to SR. It's a really supportive community.

I don't have much advice, as I'm still working towards sobriety. But I'm a young woman like you (I'm 22), and if you ever want to talk feel free to IM me.

Good luck!

parentrecovers

nice to meet you , otis. i have a 23 year old daughter who has been struggling with cocaine and alcohol addiction since her late teens. please keep reaching out. we're listening. blessings, k

Jes23

Hey, I know exactly what you are talking about! I am young and realized I had a problem while I was in college. I know that now it feels like everybody is drinking, but its probably not the case.

I would suggest getting out and going to university sponsored events..those saved my life. I felt awkward at first, like I was a loner and everyone was looking at me and thinking "why is that girl just standing there! creepy..." But they weren't.

After a while I started to make friends....it wasn't easy since I am not really a social person, but I learned. You could also try AA...I did that for a while and it really did help me overcome my shyness.

I hope you are having an okay day and welcome to SR...I find it really helpful for me to check in here once a day, as a way to keep myself in check!

Anna

These links might help:

Teen Links
http://www.12stepforums.net/teens.html
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42762
http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom4.html

Otis7

thanks everyone, its obvious that this is a very supportive community and I'm glad I stumbled upon it I didn't drink today, and I'm going to do my best to avoid the temptation tonight. I'm going to try and contain my drinking to the weekends here at school, but I know that the real struggle will began back home...where drinking is what we do day in and day out, and we've constructed a family around alcoholism. It hurts to know I may have to give those people up. If I really do quit, at least they will have someone that will support them if they make the same decision. Thanks again for the encouragement, I'll be around here more for sure

Captain Kirk

Hi!
I quit for the first time when I was about 20 too.
I then started again (probably the biggest mistake of my life) when I was 26, only to give up again 70 days ago.

ccirider

Hi Otis:

Very nice post and congratulations on your sobriety. What I hear in your post is clear, level-headed thinking, and you really should be proud of yourself for having made it to where you are today.

Peace.

User_Name

I can relate, I'm 23 and considered myself an alcoholic for years now but I never wanted to do anything about it until my life started to really fall apart. I found that AA works pretty well for me and I have made some new sober friends who I feel care about me. Good luck!

PS- I'm still new but I wanted to say Hi!

Autopathography

Hi Otis. I'm 28 and have been in recovery for a year and a half. I was 18 or 19 when I first wondered if I had a problem and 20 or so when I knew I did. I didn't stop drinking then because I thought there was I way I could be more "successful" at it. I tried a lot of things- drinking on a full stomach, only drinking beer, not drinking when I was in a bad mood, etc..- but never seemed to be able to 1) drink and not get drunk or 2) get drunk and not be a mess. Looking back, I realize that the very worst consequences of my drinking came about in the period of time when I knew I had a problem but wasn't ready to stop. I also drank after a period of sobriety and that was the most miserable drinking ever; it was hard for me to enjoy drinking when I knew for sure what the (bad) results would be. I am not regularly active in AA, but I got a lot out of "In Our Own Words: Stories of Young AAs in Recovery." The personal experiences of younger people were more relatable to me than some of the other literature. Best wishes.

Tazman53

Otis the younger an alcoholic is when they quit the easier it is to quit, the hardest part is staying stopped. I quit no problem for a year and a half in my early 20s, when I decided to strart drinking again within a week it was as if I had never quit, I was drinking just as much if not more before I quit.

I am an alcoholic, one drink is to many and 1,000 is not enough, I drank alcoholically until I reached the point I had to drink, there was no mental or physical choice for me, I had to drink!!! I was 52 and had drank away so many years of my life when I finally put myself into detox to get sober and am now in AA to stay sober.

If you are an alcoholic then I can tell you that not drinking at all is much easier then trying to control your drinking, the only thing I accomplished by trying to control my drinking was to become a daily drinker and a drunk.

The easier softer way for an alcoholic is to just not drink at all one day at a time.

Otis7

Your responses have been very helpful in telling myself that the only "easy" way out of this is to stop now. I know that my disease isn't as progressed as it could be, but when I look back at the past three years its only gotten worse. Every month I drink more, every time I get drunk I change more... I really felt how hard this was going to be this morning. A couple of friends were standing in my room comparing weed to alcohol, saying weed was so much better, and after being quiet and ignoring the for awhile I burst out with "God I love to drink." The though of drinking right then and there made my mouth water and put a smile on my face, I didn't even feel guilty. 2 days of not drinking have been alright, I've had so much to think about. Today will seem nearly impossible, as it is a huge drinking night on campus and my temptation to drink is already at an all time high anyway. I feel very shakey and weak-willed today. But I'm gonna try.

Otis7

Well, I'm at day one again. I had a date with a couple colt 45's last night and have been sick in bed all day. Its 3:30 and I just went outside for the first time. The sky is blue, the air is crisp, and I'm ready to take the next step. I truely feel like I can do it this time. I found this song some of my friends wrote, those alcoholics I grew up with. Its called "Sick and Tired." Basically, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't post the link yet because I haven't made enough posts, but I'll share it when I have.

thank you again for your stories and encouragement.

mae164

Maybe the idea that you can drink normally is hopefully smashed( if your an alcoholic) that is the first thing to realize and nobody can do that for you.You sholud not have to ask if you have a problem...an alcoholic knows but thinks he can fix it! It does not matter how old you are, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic

TO KNOW THAT ONCE YOU START DRINKING YOU END UP DRUNK,BLACKED OUT,ETC.. EVERYTIME AND EVERYTIME YOU SAY YOU ARE DONE FOR GOOD YOU END UP PICKING BACK UP!(STEP ONE)
THE SOLUTION IS IN THE BOOK we recover by the steps we take not the meeetings we make