LauraSFO1

Good advice- thank you

discoveringme

Oh my gosh Laura...I feel exactly the same way. My first attempt at recovery lasted 5 years, and about 2 1/2 years into it, I left my husband and moved into an apartment. I thought I was in love with an old highschool friend who was single. He didnt love me. My husband and I got back together after about 7 months.

When I married my husband...I think I was "settling". I am still unsure about how I feel about him, but we have been married for 21 years. He is a very good man and deserves much better than I have given him. If I step outside and look at him...A woman could not ask for more. I'd be a darn fool to give that up. I am trying to change my thinking through cognitive behavioral therapy.

My gut tells me that I do need to work on me first....and deep down..I truely do love him.

Hang in there and dont rush to conclusions. Alcoholism changes our thinking and we are not thinking rationally when we are using. If you look at other couples and their relationships...who have been together for a while, you see that nothing is perfect, and no person is perfect either. We certainly are not perfect. Our partners are not perfect.

I am hopeful that I will learn how to love him the way he deserves.

I hope this helps you a bit!

Angie

stellaloella

Laura, I'm with you there. I have recently sobered up (VERY recently, I should add). While I'm not married, I've been living with the man whom I have a child with for 3 years now. I have definitely not given him what he needs, and I know he's a good, deserving man. We've had our tough times for sure, but unfortunately, my way of dealing with relationship stress has been -- SURPRISE -- alcohol. Now that that's hit a point where I can no longer do it, he questions all the time if I even love him since I've been pushing him away with my anger for so long. I do love him. But I don't know what feelings to believe in anymore. Sobriety is very confusing because it seems it was alcohol that let me feel things. And obviously, that got to the point of extreme anger and depression.

I hope that you can find a point in understanding in your relationship. I am struggling to see what it is that I feel, because it seems I have not known for a very long time. I am seeing a counselor on a regular basis now, and I hope that will help.

stellaloella

accidental duplicate

Jersey Nonny

It may turn out to be the case...but, my advice would be to wait the suggested year for no major changes. I didn't, and wish I had. I went to court on my 90 days with my sponsor for support. In retrospect...it probably would have happened eventually, but I wish I had waited. I think I would have been better equipped emotionally to handle it.