Pajarito

I am right there with you detachme9. I have read your story with interest, because it's similar to mine in that I am separated from my AH. He left me thinking I would realize what a great guy he is and want him back. Well, I don't, and the distance he created has given me the sight I needed to realize life with him was one crazy ride. I was indeed as sick as he is. I am now getting healthy everyday, but I am like you in that some days are easier than others. Today I feel like crap, so I come here and I also just called my mom for a little "tune up." I am finding that it's so much easier to go forward full steam when I am angry-but I get that out in productive ways- organize, clean, walk the dog, journal. . . On days when I am sad, it's much harder. My mind plays tricks on me. That's when I need my friends, family, al-anon, and SR to get back to the reality of this situation. My AH has had two "emotional" affairs, which is devastating. The first was 9 years ago. How I got through it, I don't know. I was a different person then. The most recent one is with a co-worker. I have decided I can't live with it. Yes- trust is a HUGE issue. I love my H, but I can't trust him. How do I live with that? I try in every way I can to remember I deserve something better. My H- like yours- is not really "getting it." He thinks he quit drinking, so everything should be fine. There is no such thing as alcoholic behavior. Ok- so if that were true- you take "alcoholic" out of the equation and the behavior is still appalling- call it what you want. I've heard you take the alcohol out of the alcoholic and all you have left is the ick. That sums it up for me. Quitting the bottle is where the work BEGINS. Unfortunately my H doesn't get that. So- I take it one day at a time. I am learning to let go. I am feeling my crappy feelings and picking myself up to get on with another day, and hoping that one day I will look back and see that my husband leaving me was his gift to me. As for your husbands son- very sad. Perhaps you can take him to al-ateen? You can always be there for him- to listen and support him. Just be honest with him- especially at his age. He needs that. Take care. I am thinking of you.

DetachMe9

!!! That is THE biggest laugh I've had in weeks...."take the alcohol out of the alcoholic, and all that's left is 'ick'". That is freaking hilarious, and I've been sober 14 years myself. I'll be taking that one to my meeting tomorrow morning.

Yes, the affair issue is huge. This is the second such event for us, although the first was by far the worst. Two years ago my AH relapsed after I told him I wanted a divorce (didn't mean it, said it to hurt/control him in a codep fit), and he started an emotional affair with a coworker. This lasted 10 months total, and did include some physical acting-out before it was finally over. We were in therapy a year after that, and actually did some amazing work resolving it on both our parts. Fast-forward to now, and it's as if this new drinking episode has started the whole deal over again. Very, very hard. Thanks very much for responding, Pajarito.