tollbooth

Clueless, I could tell you of a few nights when I couldnt get ahold of my xagf by phone. And she lived too far away to just hop in a car and drive over, not that it would matter because if she wasnt answering the phone, she wasnt about to answer her door either. Usual story a couple days later when she popped up would always be she went to sleep early, "unplugged her phone" (who does that, really?), and got a "good nights rest".

Yeah, okay.

And call me old fashioned and sentimental, but might I also point out that your AA/NA has gone missing during Thanksgiving?

Barbara52

Welcome. You will find lots of good folks in here.

Nothing you do or don't do will prompt him to drink again. If he uses again, it will be because he chooses to do so. Do not let him or anyone else tell you or imply you control his behaviors and choices.

Barbara52

That would be me now and then.

Seriously, if I don't want to be bothered by phone calls, I turn off the ringers.

wraybear

read what I just wrote on this post. WHY would you want to be with someone who is treating you with disrespect? WHY? Truly think about it. Addicts are known for taking care of their needs first and foremost. He can TELL you whatever, but his ACTIONS are what will tell you the truth. Trust his actions, not his words.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-possable.html

GiveLove

I have to agree, clueless. (you DO have a clue though! )
I know that quite a lot of us have learned a great deal about ourselves through the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I was among the millions who, when she read the book, though the book had been written about ME. I worried about 'him' even when he told me not to. I suffered whenever he was out of contact for a time, convinced something was wrong -- with him? with me? Life was out of control because I had wrapped my life around his, and anything he did affected me...even though I couldn't control what he did!!

Step away from him for a time, if you can. That has been the first empowering step for many of us who were dealing with a disrespectful relationship.

Consider why you continue to attach yourself so tightly to someone who dishonors you.

Consider the possibility that you can take a deep breath, let him do whatever he's going to do, and get on with building your own happiness.

Hugs and strength to you

GL

cdk1972

Oh my gosh, this is so familiar, givelove-his actions CONTROLLED my world. I was obsessed (still am to some extent) to what he was/is thinking. This is quite possibly the most damaging thing and the hardest to get over. I imagine once you do, there will never be a freer (sp) feeling!

cdk1972

OH, and by the way, Clueless, Givelove is right-you DO have a clue-otherwise you wouldn't be feeling uneasy about things. Go with your intuition...always....its telling you something.