Alive

i wrote this to a friend...

"I owe you an apology. I made the same mistake i did with you with a person that means everything to me. Had i learn the first time i wouldn't be now in a place of danger of losing the best thing i know.

Everyday i try to explain how depression got ahead of me in my relations. Almost like a different person makes these mistakes and doesn't learn. I guess i only learned the hard way.

I lost a friend, now i might lose the one, all because i repeat the same mistakes over and over. I didn't do it with a bad intention, it was what i knew how to do at that time....I pushed away people so i could prove i was worthless.

I am not worthless, it's too bad that it took this situation to make me finally learn to give people space and most of all, to give myself some space and personal power over my life.

I live today with the hope that the love of my life will give me a second chance. I believe in second chances. I know they're rare in love. But it's all i got. And i live with it. It's all i got right now...And i pray to God that if this person is my love then depression shall not win, if you are my friend, one day maybe we might talk.

Most of all...I have to hold on to my second chance. I chose not to die, because i really love living. I just hope, since this life is unique, that i didn't ruin the chance to be with the one that i was meant to be.

Sometimes it takes a lot of a pain, for a stubborn Nuno to learn...


God bless..."

Alive

Monday, 26th November
I will use this thread as my journal. I need to write down what i am going through. And i need to make a mental note that i can never be too good or to happy. I will never forget the lesson i learned today. the biggest one of my life.

I live everyday getting better and praying for a second chance

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Alive

He said i am going to have to work a lot to get him back..Thanks To the Almighty Christ...Thank You..
He also said he would never want me to do one of those scenes again..Let me explain..I had several panic attacks and nervous breakdowns that put a strain in this relation..I started the new meds today..


I told him i would get him back...He said i would have to work a lot..It probably will take a lot of time. But to have a chance means i get to fight for him...

Just when i had no hope. God shines on me...