It really IS all my fault.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 7
It really IS all my fault.
People say it's the addict's fault, but I really feel it is my fault my daughter is on drugs.
I am in a co dependent relationship. My husband, to all outward appearances, is the nicest, most easy going, successful man on earth, but in reality he is WAY codependent and also has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a SEVERE disorder, much worse than it sounds. And the thing is, he doesn't even acknowledge either of these problems.
I freely acknowledge that I am one of the co dependents in the relationship, and that the thought of ever leaving him fills me with absolute terror and an irrational certainty that I simply would stop breathing.
His over-controlling of every little thing the kids ever did when growing up, the fact that he works from home and was around them nearly all the time, his emotional manipulation and emotional vampiricism, my (in hindsight) blind failure to protect the children from all this because he duped me into believing all his actions were 'for the best', all this has caused my darling daughter's spiral into addiction.
2003, the year she started using, (again in hindsight) was the year he spent unmercifully criticising her for every thing she did, while I, to make up for his criticism, tried to be as loving and tender as possible.
The perfect recipe for a drug addict child.
It is my fault for being blind, it is my fault for taking the easy way out and not leaving him when I realised what kind of person he really was. It is my fault for wanting an easy life with a man who takes care of my emotional and physical needs, all at the expense of my darling's well being.
I have done it, I have caused it. I have made my worst nightmare real, and now I have not even got the guts to leave my husband.
I am in a co dependent relationship. My husband, to all outward appearances, is the nicest, most easy going, successful man on earth, but in reality he is WAY codependent and also has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a SEVERE disorder, much worse than it sounds. And the thing is, he doesn't even acknowledge either of these problems.
I freely acknowledge that I am one of the co dependents in the relationship, and that the thought of ever leaving him fills me with absolute terror and an irrational certainty that I simply would stop breathing.
His over-controlling of every little thing the kids ever did when growing up, the fact that he works from home and was around them nearly all the time, his emotional manipulation and emotional vampiricism, my (in hindsight) blind failure to protect the children from all this because he duped me into believing all his actions were 'for the best', all this has caused my darling daughter's spiral into addiction.
2003, the year she started using, (again in hindsight) was the year he spent unmercifully criticising her for every thing she did, while I, to make up for his criticism, tried to be as loving and tender as possible.
The perfect recipe for a drug addict child.
It is my fault for being blind, it is my fault for taking the easy way out and not leaving him when I realised what kind of person he really was. It is my fault for wanting an easy life with a man who takes care of my emotional and physical needs, all at the expense of my darling's well being.
I have done it, I have caused it. I have made my worst nightmare real, and now I have not even got the guts to leave my husband.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((tears))
Just wanted you to know that we care, others will be along shortly. Don't blame yourself, no matter what you did, even if you had left, he would have still been in her life. You couldn't control him or his actions. How do you know what the end result would have been if you had left? How do you know weather or not it would have maybe been even worse? You are putting a whole lot of mis-placed blame on yourself, maybe because you are searching for a reason for all of this, when in reality, we never know why people become addicts, so we tend to turn everything on ourselves. It's almost like the small child that believes they cause a divorce, they don't understand why it is all happening, so they place "blame" on themselves so that they feel like they might have some control to change it.
Be kind to yourself, be gental with yourself, you did not cause this, you can't control it (or them), and you can't cure it, only they can.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Just wanted you to know that we care, others will be along shortly. Don't blame yourself, no matter what you did, even if you had left, he would have still been in her life. You couldn't control him or his actions. How do you know what the end result would have been if you had left? How do you know weather or not it would have maybe been even worse? You are putting a whole lot of mis-placed blame on yourself, maybe because you are searching for a reason for all of this, when in reality, we never know why people become addicts, so we tend to turn everything on ourselves. It's almost like the small child that believes they cause a divorce, they don't understand why it is all happening, so they place "blame" on themselves so that they feel like they might have some control to change it.
Be kind to yourself, be gental with yourself, you did not cause this, you can't control it (or them), and you can't cure it, only they can.
Hugs and Prayers
B
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
No its not your fault. No matter what the circumstances are it is always the choice of the addict to pick up and use. It could be an abused person,someone in poverty or someone who had everything. It's always the choice of the addict and not the cause of anyone elses behavior towards them.
Set yourself free of this, we all have blamed ourselves at one time or another.
good luck
Set yourself free of this, we all have blamed ourselves at one time or another.
good luck
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
One of the chief symptoms of codependency is hyper-responsibility. Taking on all blame for the destruction of self and family.
That being the case, and that you admit you have codependency tells me your *disease* is flaring up big time.
So, the reason your thinking in this distorted manner is because the codie disease is TELLING you this bull. In other words...your thinker has gone haywire.
To get my thinker back to reality, I practice a 12 step program called Alanon. Its the only known source for recovery from codependency I know of. And it works. (Also does nar-anon).
Honey....you DIDNT cause it, you cane CURE it and you cannot CONTROL or CHANGE it.
Get help for you and your thinker, and things will improve. This is a PROMISE!
That being the case, and that you admit you have codependency tells me your *disease* is flaring up big time.
So, the reason your thinking in this distorted manner is because the codie disease is TELLING you this bull. In other words...your thinker has gone haywire.
To get my thinker back to reality, I practice a 12 step program called Alanon. Its the only known source for recovery from codependency I know of. And it works. (Also does nar-anon).
Honey....you DIDNT cause it, you cane CURE it and you cannot CONTROL or CHANGE it.
Get help for you and your thinker, and things will improve. This is a PROMISE!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Tears At first I blamed my daughters addition on me. I think it was an easy solution. Sure, I did some things that were not the best for her while growing up (although at the time I thought it wa the best thing). I DID leave my husband - and she still became an addict. My other daughter did not. I think addicts are "wired" a bit different. They are the ones who pick up the drug and use. You did not give it to her.
Keep reading more about addition. See if there are any AA or Naranon meetings near you. I will pray for your daughter as I pray for all of the addicts I read about here at SR.
Mom hugs to you. It will get better.
Keep reading more about addition. See if there are any AA or Naranon meetings near you. I will pray for your daughter as I pray for all of the addicts I read about here at SR.
Mom hugs to you. It will get better.
Truth Seeker
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Somewhere in the Midwest
Posts: 14
If in spite of it all - IF your daughter grew into a mature, responsible, loving, well adjusted adult would you have taken all of the credit too? Not likely.
While it is OK to acknowledge our parenting mistakes and shortcomings - it is not OK to say that our children's poor choices are OUR faults. I have two kids. I parented them to the best of my ability. One has done amazingly well. One has struggled for many, many years. They are both the product of our parenting, our home environment, their unique biological makeup and their own personal choices.
While it is OK to acknowledge our parenting mistakes and shortcomings - it is not OK to say that our children's poor choices are OUR faults. I have two kids. I parented them to the best of my ability. One has done amazingly well. One has struggled for many, many years. They are both the product of our parenting, our home environment, their unique biological makeup and their own personal choices.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I To me the above quote is the meat and potatoes of your post. At least you are focusing on your self. Try to minus the guilt. Accepting the blame is one thing that codies do so well. It's not your fault it is not their's. You did not choose the easier way by a long shot.
To me when dealing with a loved ones addiction or affliction there are no easy choices. The best(not the easy one) choice for us codies is to keep the focus on ourselves and it doesn't hurt to be gentle with ourselves either.((((((BIGHUG))))) to you!!
Originally Posted by tears_i_cry
t is my fault for being blind, it is my fault for taking the easy way out and not leaving him when I realised what kind of person he really was. It is my fault for wanting an easy life with a man who takes care of my emotional and physical needs, all at the expense of my darling's well being.
I have done it, I have caused it. I have made my worst nightmare real, and now I have not even got the guts to leave my husband.
I have done it, I have caused it. I have made my worst nightmare real, and now I have not even got the guts to leave my husband.
To me when dealing with a loved ones addiction or affliction there are no easy choices. The best(not the easy one) choice for us codies is to keep the focus on ourselves and it doesn't hurt to be gentle with ourselves either.((((((BIGHUG))))) to you!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I made many parenting mistakes, but I did not make my daughter an addict. She chose to numb whatever pain she felt by using drugs. And that is why she continues to use. She likes that sleepy, numbed out feeling. She told me recently that her addiction has nothing to do with me. I believe that addicts are born that way. And since 95% of young people experiment with some substances, those that are addicts will become addicted. The only thing that I have found that feeling guilty serves is to keep me enmeshed with my daughter trying to fix her problems. I always say to not let guilt be your guide. You did the best you could and you can't change what happened in the past, but you can learn from it and move forward and get yourself healthy. Hugs, Marle
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Wise words ahead of me...It isn't your fault at all. And laying blame on yourself does nothing for either of you...In all probability it will make it easier for her to maintain her active addiction because you will probably shelther and enable her due to your feelings of guilt. And it will make you very, very sick so two people will be cuaght up in a horrible disease cycle.
Admitting your codependency is a start. Have you tried Alanon or Naranon meetings? Have you thought about speaking with a counselor who specializes in codependency? have you read Codependent No More? These are all things that I have found helpful, especially Naranon. It has truly helped me move from despair to serenity
Admitting your codependency is a start. Have you tried Alanon or Naranon meetings? Have you thought about speaking with a counselor who specializes in codependency? have you read Codependent No More? These are all things that I have found helpful, especially Naranon. It has truly helped me move from despair to serenity
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Tears,
Please don't blame yourself for your daughter's drug use. There are many people who have very bad and dysfunctional childhoods and they didn't become drug addicts or alcoholics. They in turn became pillars of strength. There is a book about Miss America who was sexually abused by her father for years and when her story came out her mother turned against her and never believed her. She never let that take her down.....instead success was her way of dealing with it.
You see, there are choices to make in any situation. Just as you did not make her use drugs......you cannot make her not use drugs. If we all had that kind of power we could make all of our kids stop using drugs. No one has that power. It is only up to the individual who made that choice.
My daughter was a drug user for 6 yrs. I only found out recently that her father sexually abused her when she was 13 yrs. old. How horrific that was for her and for me to hear. He died 6 yrs. ago so we are being haunted from the grave. At first I blamed myself big time because I didn't protect her. I didn't protect her because I didn't know and she never told. Her recovery began when she shared her secret with me. It was Marle who told me not to blame myself because a lot of people have been sexually abused and they did not become addicts. After some therapy and keeping those words in my head I no longer blame myself for her decision to use drugs. My daughter has told me that her drug use had nothing to do with me. She said I was always a good mother to her and it wasn't my fault. I no longer feel guilty.
Please get help for yourself so you can let go of the guilt. Things will start to change when you start to change.
Hugs...........Lo
Please don't blame yourself for your daughter's drug use. There are many people who have very bad and dysfunctional childhoods and they didn't become drug addicts or alcoholics. They in turn became pillars of strength. There is a book about Miss America who was sexually abused by her father for years and when her story came out her mother turned against her and never believed her. She never let that take her down.....instead success was her way of dealing with it.
You see, there are choices to make in any situation. Just as you did not make her use drugs......you cannot make her not use drugs. If we all had that kind of power we could make all of our kids stop using drugs. No one has that power. It is only up to the individual who made that choice.
My daughter was a drug user for 6 yrs. I only found out recently that her father sexually abused her when she was 13 yrs. old. How horrific that was for her and for me to hear. He died 6 yrs. ago so we are being haunted from the grave. At first I blamed myself big time because I didn't protect her. I didn't protect her because I didn't know and she never told. Her recovery began when she shared her secret with me. It was Marle who told me not to blame myself because a lot of people have been sexually abused and they did not become addicts. After some therapy and keeping those words in my head I no longer blame myself for her decision to use drugs. My daughter has told me that her drug use had nothing to do with me. She said I was always a good mother to her and it wasn't my fault. I no longer feel guilty.
Please get help for yourself so you can let go of the guilt. Things will start to change when you start to change.
Hugs...........Lo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
you did not CAUSE it, you can not Control it & you can not CURE it. they make there own choices in life. i used to think it was my fault my son was an addict because of his father but today the 3'c's has helped me with this.also i see children that have grown up with perfect lifes that are addicts today. do not take the blame for this.it is not your fault.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
tears_i_cry,
NO NO NO....this has NOTHING to do with you.
Don't believe it for a minute!
You did the best you could at the time with what you had.
You did not cause this to happen to your daughter.
For a long time, I believed that I must have caused my sons to be addicts...and lucky me, my ONLY 2 children turned out to be addicts...but it was NOT something I caused......
Go to Naranon, or Alanon, and get some face to face support...
NO NO NO....this has NOTHING to do with you.
Don't believe it for a minute!
You did the best you could at the time with what you had.
You did not cause this to happen to your daughter.
For a long time, I believed that I must have caused my sons to be addicts...and lucky me, my ONLY 2 children turned out to be addicts...but it was NOT something I caused......
Go to Naranon, or Alanon, and get some face to face support...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ellensburg, WA
Posts: 12
Hi.....you are not alone!!!! And it is MY belief that you just wrote a "first step" in the start of recovery from being co-dependent. I also don't think it is ALL your fault. Yes, you have a part in it, but there are two other people involved with you.
I am in a situation in my own life where it is easy to pick up the bat and beat myself up (figure of speech of course
). I can blame myself for all of the situations I have in my life, OR I can make some changes to better my future.
Try to be easy on yourself, I know right now that is probably hard to do, but if only for a moment say to yourself that you are who you are and that is ok today. You are willing to make changes and that is good!!!!
David D
I am in a situation in my own life where it is easy to pick up the bat and beat myself up (figure of speech of course
). I can blame myself for all of the situations I have in my life, OR I can make some changes to better my future. Try to be easy on yourself, I know right now that is probably hard to do, but if only for a moment say to yourself that you are who you are and that is ok today. You are willing to make changes and that is good!!!!
David D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Control + husband + daughter + drugs???
Hi tears, :praying
You are not responsible for what has happened in your family. I did the same thing. I was married to a retired military man and he did control our family like the army would a platoon. I hated it. I had one son and we had a daughter together. My other three children were with their Dad and one of those three was in college.
I stayed even though I was very unhappy. I did not want another divorce. I knew he was psychologically abusing my son as well as me. But what I didn't know was that he was sexually abusing our six year old daughter. This was happening before she went to school after I was already at work.
I blamed myself for not being more aware...I could look back and see things that I should have been suspicious of...but did not put it all together.
When my daughter told her daycare teacher(she went there before & after school until I got off work) she called the school and then the Sheriff's Office sent their special team to come interview her at school. I was called at work just as I was getting off..to go to the prosecutor's office & CPS was there with a file with my daughter's name on it.
I was in so much shock...I didn't know what to do next...but I was told to take Kathy to a friend's home to stay overnight, not to ask her questions but listen if she wants to tell me and she did. Then I went home to confront my husband because if I could get him to admit it there wouldn't have to be a trial with our daughter having to testify in court.
He was arrested the next morning in our kitchen and boy that was hard. To hear him say how long he had been doing it and then I was interviewed to be sure I hadn't known what was going on. I looked like a walking and talking ghost.
Anyway, by this time my 14 year old son had moved back with his Dad so I had to call him and my oldest daughter to see if he had done anything with them. My oldest daughter stayed with us her last two years of highschool and then went on to college. She knew how to handle my husband and put him in his place. My son is a different story
because he denied being molested by my husband but he was six years old when we met so I had my doubts. Then as the years went by my son told me he had been molested when he was drinking one night.
So, of all five of my children, my son is the one that turned to alcohol while he was in the Navy and continued on with alcohol and drugs with his highschool buddies when he was discharged from the Navy.
He tried to go for help...had alcohol counseling and treatment...had treatment and medication for his depression but he didn't stick with any of it. I am an alcoholic in recovery and also have depression...a pre-existing factor in our family background. He eventually tried suicide and failed and now is quadraplegic living in his own place with caregivers coming to help him with everything.
After this happened in 2002, I went into a deeper depression and went back for counseling to just be able to accept this without blaming myself. I had tried to help him when he asked me and his dad to help him. He even went with me to AA Meetings.
I still haven't cried over this. I have no more tears left...I feel like it really isn't true until I go to see him. He gives me so much love and understanding and tries to do the best he is able. I had to let him do as much as possible on his own so I wouldn't make him dependent on me and me dependent on caring for him. It was hard because I would feel guilty. If he needed to call someone, I would look the phone number up and give it to him to call. He is 38 years old now & has two teenage sons.
So I have written a lot of heart ache here but I have stayed sober for 19 years and have continued treatment for my depression for 19 years. I won't say all is well because it isn't but I am not blaming myself any more. My daughter is 30 years old, married, and has a six year old son. She never drank or did drugs but had lots of counseling right from the beginning and through her teen years where she had troubling thoughts and dreams.
I just pray that you do as suggested...go to naranon or even alanon to find yourself and realize that you are the strong Mom that perservered through all the years of psychological abuse from your husband. :comfort
kelsh
You are not responsible for what has happened in your family. I did the same thing. I was married to a retired military man and he did control our family like the army would a platoon. I hated it. I had one son and we had a daughter together. My other three children were with their Dad and one of those three was in college.
I stayed even though I was very unhappy. I did not want another divorce. I knew he was psychologically abusing my son as well as me. But what I didn't know was that he was sexually abusing our six year old daughter. This was happening before she went to school after I was already at work.
I blamed myself for not being more aware...I could look back and see things that I should have been suspicious of...but did not put it all together.
When my daughter told her daycare teacher(she went there before & after school until I got off work) she called the school and then the Sheriff's Office sent their special team to come interview her at school. I was called at work just as I was getting off..to go to the prosecutor's office & CPS was there with a file with my daughter's name on it.
I was in so much shock...I didn't know what to do next...but I was told to take Kathy to a friend's home to stay overnight, not to ask her questions but listen if she wants to tell me and she did. Then I went home to confront my husband because if I could get him to admit it there wouldn't have to be a trial with our daughter having to testify in court.
He was arrested the next morning in our kitchen and boy that was hard. To hear him say how long he had been doing it and then I was interviewed to be sure I hadn't known what was going on. I looked like a walking and talking ghost.
Anyway, by this time my 14 year old son had moved back with his Dad so I had to call him and my oldest daughter to see if he had done anything with them. My oldest daughter stayed with us her last two years of highschool and then went on to college. She knew how to handle my husband and put him in his place. My son is a different story
because he denied being molested by my husband but he was six years old when we met so I had my doubts. Then as the years went by my son told me he had been molested when he was drinking one night.
So, of all five of my children, my son is the one that turned to alcohol while he was in the Navy and continued on with alcohol and drugs with his highschool buddies when he was discharged from the Navy.
He tried to go for help...had alcohol counseling and treatment...had treatment and medication for his depression but he didn't stick with any of it. I am an alcoholic in recovery and also have depression...a pre-existing factor in our family background. He eventually tried suicide and failed and now is quadraplegic living in his own place with caregivers coming to help him with everything.
After this happened in 2002, I went into a deeper depression and went back for counseling to just be able to accept this without blaming myself. I had tried to help him when he asked me and his dad to help him. He even went with me to AA Meetings.
I still haven't cried over this. I have no more tears left...I feel like it really isn't true until I go to see him. He gives me so much love and understanding and tries to do the best he is able. I had to let him do as much as possible on his own so I wouldn't make him dependent on me and me dependent on caring for him. It was hard because I would feel guilty. If he needed to call someone, I would look the phone number up and give it to him to call. He is 38 years old now & has two teenage sons.
So I have written a lot of heart ache here but I have stayed sober for 19 years and have continued treatment for my depression for 19 years. I won't say all is well because it isn't but I am not blaming myself any more. My daughter is 30 years old, married, and has a six year old son. She never drank or did drugs but had lots of counseling right from the beginning and through her teen years where she had troubling thoughts and dreams.
I just pray that you do as suggested...go to naranon or even alanon to find yourself and realize that you are the strong Mom that perservered through all the years of psychological abuse from your husband. :comfort
kelsh
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((Tears))))))))
My mom was married to my dad for 25 years. She wasn't allowed to drive, work outside the home, wear pants, cut her hair, ect.
She divorced him when I was 9 and my brother was 8.
We had older siblings that were already gone from the house.
2 brothers in the army (deceased now 1 alcohol and heart attack, the other drugs and drowned)
1 sister married with kids.
My mother became an alcoholic and married an alcoholic.
Neither my brother, my sister, or I drink/drugs.
On the other hand, my sister has 2 sons that are addicts and my son is an addict.
My sister's daughter is not, my daughter is not.
There is no reason to blame or feel guilty.
It's not your fault.
People experiment when they're young. We drank, tried pot, ect.
It didn't take with us.
Yet my son experimented and it took almost instantly.
It's pre-destined. imo
Keep coming back. This is a great place for support.
:praying
My mom was married to my dad for 25 years. She wasn't allowed to drive, work outside the home, wear pants, cut her hair, ect.
She divorced him when I was 9 and my brother was 8.
We had older siblings that were already gone from the house.
2 brothers in the army (deceased now 1 alcohol and heart attack, the other drugs and drowned)
1 sister married with kids.
My mother became an alcoholic and married an alcoholic.
Neither my brother, my sister, or I drink/drugs.
On the other hand, my sister has 2 sons that are addicts and my son is an addict.
My sister's daughter is not, my daughter is not.
There is no reason to blame or feel guilty.
It's not your fault.
People experiment when they're young. We drank, tried pot, ect.
It didn't take with us.
Yet my son experimented and it took almost instantly.
It's pre-destined. imo
Keep coming back. This is a great place for support.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
It all goes to choices, their choice! I used to think I'd seen people crawl out from under rocks that acted better than my AD, she had it ALL. But SHE CHOSE drugs and alcohol, I didn't. It's hard to understand and accept, but I have learned it is the whole truth!
sorry you are hurting, you're in my prayers,
susan
:praying
sorry you are hurting, you're in my prayers,
susan
:praying
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
(((Tears)))
Just wanted to say welcome to SR!!!! I haven't met you, but this is a wonderful place for support and advice and just someone to lean on!!
Those of us with addicted children all at some points in our lives blame ourselves. But you know what...if it were circumstances that created addicts, what about all those survivors from the holocaust. They had reason to become addicts. The more I read about addiction, the more I believe it is a genetic thing, I've seen families that on the outside look perfect. And yet they have addiction in their families as well.
A friend of mine, married a man who sexually abused her older daughter, and when she found out.....she divorced him, but the older daughter is doing wonderful, and the youngest one, whom had nothing happen to her...is the one with the addiction. Explain that one to me!!
Stop beating yourself up about this.....start reading and researching addiction. You will learn this is your daughters road to travel. And you know what...My daughter is on the road to recovery now....we're not sure why it happened...my daughter was a nurse with her son, a car, a wonderful apt...etc., etc....And we both say...perhaps there was a lesson, either for her, for me, or for her son. Really, we don't know!!! But we feel, there has to have been a reason for all this to happen. Truthfully....I think this experience has made me a better person. Would I chose to go through this again. Please, God NOOOOO!!!
I really had thought we had lost her. She was homeless, prostituting....Shooting up anything and everything, weighed 98 lbs just 1 short year ago. But there is hope!!!
Hang in there...
NSW
Just wanted to say welcome to SR!!!! I haven't met you, but this is a wonderful place for support and advice and just someone to lean on!!
Those of us with addicted children all at some points in our lives blame ourselves. But you know what...if it were circumstances that created addicts, what about all those survivors from the holocaust. They had reason to become addicts. The more I read about addiction, the more I believe it is a genetic thing, I've seen families that on the outside look perfect. And yet they have addiction in their families as well.
A friend of mine, married a man who sexually abused her older daughter, and when she found out.....she divorced him, but the older daughter is doing wonderful, and the youngest one, whom had nothing happen to her...is the one with the addiction. Explain that one to me!!
Stop beating yourself up about this.....start reading and researching addiction. You will learn this is your daughters road to travel. And you know what...My daughter is on the road to recovery now....we're not sure why it happened...my daughter was a nurse with her son, a car, a wonderful apt...etc., etc....And we both say...perhaps there was a lesson, either for her, for me, or for her son. Really, we don't know!!! But we feel, there has to have been a reason for all this to happen. Truthfully....I think this experience has made me a better person. Would I chose to go through this again. Please, God NOOOOO!!!
I really had thought we had lost her. She was homeless, prostituting....Shooting up anything and everything, weighed 98 lbs just 1 short year ago. But there is hope!!!
Hang in there...
NSW
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