Dad arrested last night - DUI
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
Dad arrested last night - DUI
Well, my dad never came home last night and this morning I found out why. He was arrested for a DUI. Cops pulled him over for swerving in and out of lanes. He was let go this morning.
Court costs are going to be 1,500 dollars about....and my parents are broke.....and thier insurence is going to skyrocket....is all I keep hearing from my mother. About how her life is ruined from his choices (well she CHOSE to stay married to him didin't she) exc exc exc. Sigh it will only be a matter of time before I am hit up for money. I have almost 2,000 dollars saved up. God I just hope it happens AFTER I sign my lease tomorrow - that way I won't have any money to give them.....and I won't let guilt and doubt twist me all around until I finially cave in.
Court costs are going to be 1,500 dollars about....and my parents are broke.....and thier insurence is going to skyrocket....is all I keep hearing from my mother. About how her life is ruined from his choices (well she CHOSE to stay married to him didin't she) exc exc exc. Sigh it will only be a matter of time before I am hit up for money. I have almost 2,000 dollars saved up. God I just hope it happens AFTER I sign my lease tomorrow - that way I won't have any money to give them.....and I won't let guilt and doubt twist me all around until I finially cave in.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sign your lease today. Call them and tell them you'll be busy tomorrow and can you come early?
You WILL get drawn into this drama if you let yourself. It's magnetic pull is powerful. I know this from experience.
If you don't think you can say No, then leave the house and don't come back until your lease is signed and your check is written and gone.
Seriously.
If you truly want to get well, consider doing this.
This is not your crisis. It is theirs. YOU are doing the hard work of healing.
You WILL get drawn into this drama if you let yourself. It's magnetic pull is powerful. I know this from experience.
If you don't think you can say No, then leave the house and don't come back until your lease is signed and your check is written and gone.
Seriously.
If you truly want to get well, consider doing this.
This is not your crisis. It is theirs. YOU are doing the hard work of healing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: oz
Posts: 92
I second GiveLove! Do it now so you can't make a choice that isn't good for you. I know I have a steadfast no bail out/pay court costs rule. It was one of my early set and stood by boundaries. Mother doesn't even ask. I can't wait to hear about the move though. Your own place!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
You can choose to not let guilt twist you round til you pay, you know.
Even if you have the money in the bank, or even in your pocket!
It's always your choice to give in or stand strong.
'No' is a complete sentence. Even Miss Manners says you don't have to explain when you say No! Just, 'No I'm sorry, that won't be possible. No I'm sorry, I can't. No I'm sorry, that won't be possible. No I'm sorry, I can't.'
Stay strong!
Even if you have the money in the bank, or even in your pocket!
It's always your choice to give in or stand strong.
'No' is a complete sentence. Even Miss Manners says you don't have to explain when you say No! Just, 'No I'm sorry, that won't be possible. No I'm sorry, I can't. No I'm sorry, that won't be possible. No I'm sorry, I can't.'
Stay strong!
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Tell them you have already signed the lease and given over the money.
When people commit crimes, they don't ever learn their lesson when we keep handing over money and enabling them to do it again.
Protect yourself and your money at all costs.
You're right. Your mother allowed everything that happened to her. Now it's up to her to change her own ways. It shouldn't be dumped on you.
I am sorry you have to deal with this, but just a little while and you will be distant from it, and believe me, you'll finally be able to have some peace.
When people commit crimes, they don't ever learn their lesson when we keep handing over money and enabling them to do it again.
Protect yourself and your money at all costs.
You're right. Your mother allowed everything that happened to her. Now it's up to her to change her own ways. It shouldn't be dumped on you.
I am sorry you have to deal with this, but just a little while and you will be distant from it, and believe me, you'll finally be able to have some peace.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Your money is yours to do with as you please. Your parents have no claim over that which you earned and did not squander, any more than they have claim over your kidney or your little finger.
You can *choose* to give it to them, but whatever decision you make, ensure that it is a choice you make because you WANT to, not because some other thing drives you to it. ACT on your life, do not allow this episode to throw you back into the cycle of REacting constantly.
You can *choose* to give it to them, but whatever decision you make, ensure that it is a choice you make because you WANT to, not because some other thing drives you to it. ACT on your life, do not allow this episode to throw you back into the cycle of REacting constantly.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Mountain West
Posts: 96
I agree with EVERYONE!! Do with your money what you feel you want to do with it (which doesn't include guilt-trips). also, congrats on the new place...enjoy all that peace and quiet, I hope it helps you on your recovery-road. Living apart from all that madness has done WONDERS for me. 
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
I second Wabbit.
It is your duty NOT to give over your hard earned cash.
How else will they ever hit their "bottom"?
It may take several similar instances, but you stay strong.
They best thing that could happen is that they get sick of their own messes.
It is your duty NOT to give over your hard earned cash.
How else will they ever hit their "bottom"?
It may take several similar instances, but you stay strong.
They best thing that could happen is that they get sick of their own messes.
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Even if you help them out this time, there is hope that you can detach next time.
There is always hope!
It doesn't matter how long it takes to start saying, "No" just so long as it does happen.
There is always hope!
It doesn't matter how long it takes to start saying, "No" just so long as it does happen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 30
Suggest to your father that he drop himself off the car insurance and begin riding a bicycle. That would save loads of money on insurance and gas. Plus it's a good workout and he may improve his health, be happier, and not drink as much.
2 cents.
2 cents.
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