sjr

so my kid sneaks out of the house around 11:30 tonight. i actually heard her leave. i was in bed by 9:00...how's that for a great friday night! she came home around 1:30 this morning and i got up. she was hammered! standing there wobbly and speech impaired and is going to tell me she not drunk or on anything!!! how big of an idiot does she think i am?????

so i go to walgreens and buy an alcohol breathlizer test, and a drug test, she blew.... an amazing 2.0 ....wow....she tested positive for two drugs, but this stupid test doesn't tell you what the drugs are! you have to send it off. i didn't realize that when i bought it.

OHHH....here's the good part....when she peed in the cup...i stood and watched her, as i always do...she did pee, but not in the cup. she dipped the cup in the toilet water!! haha...again, how big of an idiot does she think i am???????? so i got her out of bed and made her pee again, this time standing directly in front of her.....

so of course i say the meaningless words..."YOU ARE SO GROUNDED". i say meaningless because really they are. she looks at me and says...no...i am not! i have to work in a few hours now, and i am sure when i get home she won't be here. so i will again report her as a runaway. the police told me to do this everytime she leaves the house without permission and i don't know where she is. this at least covers my butt,if she goes and does something totally stupid and gets into trouble. hopefully after enough times it will get her into the jeuvenille system. i hate to say it but that is one of my last options.

i realize she is so young. at 16 you think you know it all. but, i honestly am at my wits end!!! i don't know how to get help. everytime i try, i hit a brick wall. i just don't know how much more of this sh*t i can take. i know she is 16, she is my only child, and i love her more than anything. but i have never felt so disappointed, and lost and heartbroken and frustrated and down right mad in my life!!! why because she is 16 do I have to put up with the crap day in and day out!!! i swear the addict has more rights than the parent!! i've worked hard my whole life, since i was 14. when i had her at 21 i busted my butt so that i wouldn't be a statistic. i went to school, i have a good job and she has never lacked in things. i have always done without, so she wouldn't have to. you know, i wear walmart pants so she can wear abercrombie pants. the thing is i don't mind doing that. but right now i feel like it wasn't even worth it, cause no matter how hard i have tried, and still do, i feel like it isn't enough.
i know i didn't do everything right..but dang it i didn't do everything wrong either!!! and i just don't deserve to be cussed at and treated like the dirt on the bottom of her 80.00 dollar shoe!!!! ..........whew......that was a vent

Taking5

She blew a 2.0? You mean a .20 I am sure. Unconsciousness occurs at .30 and Death occurs at approximately .45 for most people. It is important to have these facts straight if you ever end up in court over it.

I don't know what else to tell you about helping your daughter. Good luck.

sjr

yes you are right...it was .20

i was typing to fast for my own good

Ann

I can't imagine how exhausting all this is for you and she is so desparately in need of help. Can you go to the juvenile system people (I don't know what they are called) and see if they can help you do something?

She is so young and so out of control. I wish I had a magic answer, but all I can offer are hugs and sincerely prayers.

Hugs

hope213

make an appointment with a court juivinille councilor. talk to him about it.maybe there is something he can do. try taking to someone in your county mental health office. there are ways to get her in an impatient recovery house. this is got to be hard on you & it takes away from your health.prays, hope

CarolD

Double Hugs ...one for each of you


Blessings

pjbs55

sjr,
This is a moms worst nightmare. She is 16 so you have to protect yourself, so they can't come after you later. Call the police and let them take her if need be. Go and bug as many people in the state, county and local offices you have to, to get the help you and her need.
You love your daughter but hate the addiction, it took me awhile to figure that out myself. I love my son, but don't like who he became when he was doing drugs.
Take a few minutes for you each day, treat yourself to 5 minutes to read, have a nice hot drink, or to take a nice hot bath. Little things add up and make you feel better for a few minutes.
Talk to your HP, and ask him to help you at this time.
Hugs coming to you from another mom

Lobo

Awwww Sjr I am so sorry for all that she is putting you through. I went through those very same scenarios but my daughter was 20 yrs. old. My hands were tied then because all the police would say was, "let her go". In her case I couldn't get help for her if she refused it. I am shocked that there isn't any help for a parent of a 16 yr. old. You can't just let her go. Number one you are still responsible for her and number 2 she is still a child. If you can't get help for her, maybe get help for yourself so you can cope. I understand how difficult this is.......and her age just makes it more difficult.

I wish I could offer you some answers. Just sending hugs and support. Come and vent here anytime you feel like it. We are hear to listen.

marle

sjr, My daughter and I were talking about the sacrifices that I made for her. Thanksgiving night I went up into the attic and brought down about 10 bags of clothes that she had left her when she moved. In those bags were abercrombie, holister, etc. Thousands of dollars of clothes. What did I wear. JCpenny. My point is that I wanted my daughter to have the perfect life, I wanted her to never have to struggle or feel pain. I wanted her to be happy. And then I discovered that none of that is in my control. And by doing the things that I did, I helped to create a person who just wanted more and more. My daughter now realizes that having the best of everything did not make her happy. And I have told her that I can't fix her. I do believe that a lot of addicts, esp young ones, use as a way to numb their pain. I know that you can't force your daughter to want recovery, but being as young as she is, you can do those things that will give her a chance to maybe get it someday. Kind of like planting a seed. You can start to take care of you. You can enforce consequences (reporting her missing, looking into options to get her placed elsewhere, etc.) Hugs, Marle

krhea75

Oh, as i read your post, the memories came back. My son started using at the ripe old age of 14. He has been through rehab 5 times, and is now at a recovery home. He is just one step away from using again though. My advice? Get her into a rehab. She needs help. It is an illness and she needs people to help her that are trained to deal with this. You are her mom but you are not God. You cannot make everything allright. Get her help while you still can. Even though my son has been to rehab so many times and you might think what a waste, it was never wasted. Each time he was there he began his journey towards sobriety. Each time he was there I could rest and learn about me. I love my son so much as I know you love your daughter. Get her help. You are not alone in this. We are here for you.
krhea

CatsPajamas

((( SJR))) ((AD)))

I pray that just the right person will show up in your life who can lead you to some answers.

Cats

Impurrfect

(((((sjr)))))

so sorry you're still going through this. I've read your posts and it sounds like you have tried every option I could even suggest. I'm hoping, too, that the cops get tired of being called every time she runs away and put her in juvey. I don't think you're wrong for feeling that way...at least then you'd KNOW where she was.

The next time you have to call the cops, ask them if there is anything they can do when she comes home "under the influence". With the legal system today, who knows, but she IS underage and it is illegal.

Keep taking care of you, and keep calling the cops on her. I wish I knew of another option you could try, but I'm out of ideas.

Hugs and prayers!!

Amy

Bobby12

About Wal Mart... They have drug testing kits? Are they realible? How would you force a teen to pee in a cup? Mine would nerver do that because he would know he was busted!

Thanks
Bobby12

mooselips

(((sjr)))
Hugs to you, this is so hard for you....

I think what I would do, is sit down and start calling rehabs in your area, and see what they suggest.
I'm pretty sure since she's underage, you can have her placed in one.
(don't know if it would help...but perhaps an option)

And I agree with Marle, start planting that little seed now...


Hugs,

havehope

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Just sending some mom hugs your way.
Looking back on things I did and didn't do with my daughter, I would probably call the police on her too.
I also think she will need to realize that she needs help before she takes it.
Take care of you.

Steele

If you really think she is out of control, I agree with those that suggest rehab. Juvenile hall will only make them do what we cannot ... do as they are told. If alcohol and drugs are the root problem, they will do nothing to address this issue. I would suggest asking her to make the choice but forced rehab might be the answer if she is not able to make choiced at this time in her life.

Good luck.

sjr

i just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers

to bobby12~i actually buy the tests at walgreens. they have a twelve panel test that runs around 40.00 dollars. it is clear to read with almost immediate results.~~i don't know why my daughter will take the test. there has been occasions that she has refused. she has never passed a test. but of course she always says they are wrong.i think she just wants to try and make me look like an idiot anyway she can. and aruging with me that the test is wrong makes her feel good somehow?????

~~~i will say i spent 85.00 dollars last night trying to prove what i already knew to be true. that was stupid. i didn't sleep last night because i stayed up thinking what i could do next with her addiction. i was tired all day at work. that was stupid. my friends say i am obcessed and starting to go crazy. yep, i am starting to believe them. that 85 dollars could of paid my lightbill, but instead i spent it on proving my daughter is on drugs. no freakin' kiddin' self!!! you know this!!!

my goal next week is to find a meeting. i know you all have advised me to dothis a ton of times. quite honestly, i am a little pig-headed and find it hard to ask for help. that is one of the reasons i like this forum so much. you don't know me and i can sit here and tell my story. here i find compassion and wisdom....strength and undestanding...respect and a sort of freedom. i know if we passed on the street you wouldn't know who i was on the outside, but you do know me on the inside.
~~~so i will swallow my pride, suck up my shyness and get my booty to a meeting next week....reality sucks!

I WILL NOT spend more money to prove my addicted daughter is an addict. this i know. i will TRY NOT to stay up all night and worry. no promises, but it is a start. i will be here for her when she wants help. and i will continue to fight to find a way to help her. against the odds and the "system".

she is on the wrong path, and i have been trying to steer her to point of desperation. the harder i try, the more she doesn't. she isn't here tonight. she left a note saying don't me mad but i am going out. aaaggghhhh...i know she is young and out of control. and i have tried all of the suggestions i have heard to the point of exhaustion. without a boat load of money in my pocket, i am at a loss for options. i am going to do what i can when i can.~~but i have lost sight of myself, my health, my friendships, and my relationships with my family and others. i can't continue to let her addiction be my only focus. nothing good is coming of this. not for her and not for me. i know i can't help her if i am unhealthy, and right now i don't know how to not be obcessed! sooooo...narcanon here i come....i hope it helps, and i hope somebody is standing behind me and pushes me through the door!

BigSis

(((Sjr))))


Yeah, I went through the drug kit phase - she would try to dilute them, once she peed in a cup, then the cup disappeared before I could get the test kit. Once I slept with her pee so it wouldn't disappear. But it didn't matter if the DRUGS were in her system, or not. The thing I HATED was the behavior.

So my boundaries started being around behavior I didn't want. Make a list of privleges - food, clothing, transportation, movies, extras. Each of those are a lever to use to get what YOU want.

I was on my own at 17 - I know it is hard, but totally "doable". I kept forgetting that when my kids developed addiction. But when they couldn't make curfew, weren't where they said they would be, ended up going where they shouldn't be, raged, punched holes in the walls, called me names... THOSE were the things around which I put boundaries.

It didn't take long. I had to ask both kids to leave not long after I finally got to the point where I realized my life was totally in the toilet with trying to deal with the kids.

They both ended up going to rehab on court order. Son for being caught with drug paraphernalia, daughter for getting caught shoplifting. I was SO fearful of them getting a "record", that I kept protecting them. Sheesh! It was when I stopped trying to keep the inevitable from happening that they each finally got some help!


But I couldn't do it until I was ready mentally and emotionally. Face to face meetings helped get me there and held me up while I was walking through it. Posting here (DAILY!!) helped me, too. I wish you the best and send lots of prayers for strength, comfort and wisdom.

((hugs))

sjr

~~Once I slept with her pee so it wouldn't disappear~~



that made me laugh, cause i actually 'tasted' my daughter's pee the other night 'cause i didn't think it was really pee....thankfully it wasn't..it was when she dipped the cup into the toilet...it made perfect sence to do so at the time..the next day however i was like....holy crap self...u tasted pee!!! what the heck??? yep...i would be goin' craaaazzzzy over here!

Cindi R

My kid refused to go to school, so I called the school truancy officer who came and got him.
I knew about some alcohol use and suspected drug use so I made him go to the hospital that day and be tested.
I also signed him up for drug counseling, which ended up being a few weeks of out patient visits.
It put the fear of I was going to do "something" about "it"...
he was 14 at the time and we didn't have any further problems...
he's now a very nice 18 y/o young man, who doesn't do drugs...
I do think that he occasionally drinks when he thinks that I don't know about it.
But it's never gotten him into any trouble since then and we still have a good relationship.