I Hate Drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 68
I Hate Drinking
But I still pick up the bottle.
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink. When it has brought so much problems in my life. I've gone to meetings many meetings but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. I go to church, I go to recovery church meetings and still nothing. I still want to go home and drink. I just worthless, I hate myself. I hate drinking. I don't know what to do at this point.
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink. When it has brought so much problems in my life. I've gone to meetings many meetings but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. I go to church, I go to recovery church meetings and still nothing. I still want to go home and drink. I just worthless, I hate myself. I hate drinking. I don't know what to do at this point.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi,
You mention that you don't seem to connect with anyone. Have you made an effort in this area? Do you show up early and help set up chairs? Do you stay afterwards and introduce yourself as new? Do you have a sponsor?
If I went to meetings but didn't participate and didn't go early or stay after I wouldn't connect either.
Why not focus on the solution instead of the problem, and tell yourself you're going to try to put more effort into this area of your recovery. Recovery IS possible, no matter what. You're not worthless, but I do understand that you feel that way.
I'm glad that you're posting and sharing here.
You mention that you don't seem to connect with anyone. Have you made an effort in this area? Do you show up early and help set up chairs? Do you stay afterwards and introduce yourself as new? Do you have a sponsor?
If I went to meetings but didn't participate and didn't go early or stay after I wouldn't connect either.
Why not focus on the solution instead of the problem, and tell yourself you're going to try to put more effort into this area of your recovery. Recovery IS possible, no matter what. You're not worthless, but I do understand that you feel that way.
I'm glad that you're posting and sharing here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 68
That's another problem I have. I don't seem to LIKE people. I married early in life and my ex-husband who I was married to for 12 years had affairs after affairs after affairs and my mom told me when I got married that men are going to do what men do. I didn't understand what she meant by that until I experienced it myself. And so I was the nice wife, raising my children, working my butt off while he went off and had affairs and because of that, I don't trust anyone. I don't even have friends because my ex-husband went after ALL of them. So now I isolate myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
There is no logical sense to alcoholism because it's an addiction. Try to not beat yourself up for that, but look for ways to move forward into recovery.
Before I drank and while I was drinking, I didn't really have friends either. I would become the person I thought others wanted me to be and no friendships could be built on that. Since I stopped drinking, I have found friends and understand what friendship is. It's necessary to like and love yourself before others can like you. When you start into recovery and learn to like yourself, you will likely find that others will see you differently and you will see them differently.
There is no logical sense to alcoholism because it's an addiction. Try to not beat yourself up for that, but look for ways to move forward into recovery.
Before I drank and while I was drinking, I didn't really have friends either. I would become the person I thought others wanted me to be and no friendships could be built on that. Since I stopped drinking, I have found friends and understand what friendship is. It's necessary to like and love yourself before others can like you. When you start into recovery and learn to like yourself, you will likely find that others will see you differently and you will see them differently.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
It's all about who you choose to be in your life.
My relationships with friends were dismal until I began to like myself.
Then, I choose different people as friends and different people came into my life, as if by chance... but of course it wasn't an accident.
When you change, your relationships will change.
My relationships with friends were dismal until I began to like myself.
Then, I choose different people as friends and different people came into my life, as if by chance... but of course it wasn't an accident.
When you change, your relationships will change.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi there Want2
Whoa - you have some super resentments going there. I had them too. SR helped me at the beginning and I grew some friendships. Doing the steps with someone in AA you feel you could talk to took away the resentments (or taught me how to cope with them). Meetings on their own didn't stop me from drinking. I am still learning but now, when I think of how I was betrayed, I don't have to drink. I have changed. Steps!
No one can wave a magic wand and get friends. I still don't really have any friends in AA even though I have been going since March. But when it's tough, I am never alone. I can ring someone and talk. Also, the one friend I had who I had hurt, I made amends to and now we are going to see a movie together tomorrow. Yay!!
Whoa - you have some super resentments going there. I had them too. SR helped me at the beginning and I grew some friendships. Doing the steps with someone in AA you feel you could talk to took away the resentments (or taught me how to cope with them). Meetings on their own didn't stop me from drinking. I am still learning but now, when I think of how I was betrayed, I don't have to drink. I have changed. Steps!
No one can wave a magic wand and get friends. I still don't really have any friends in AA even though I have been going since March. But when it's tough, I am never alone. I can ring someone and talk. Also, the one friend I had who I had hurt, I made amends to and now we are going to see a movie together tomorrow. Yay!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
We can learn a lot from our dogs and cats. My cats remind me a lot of Alcoholics. They claw and howl at the door to get in or out. When the door is opened for them, they just sit there. Does that sound familiar to any of us?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi Want2,
Early in sobriety I belonged to a very large and active AA group. One day at the break I looked out at the parking lot that had at least 200 people, turned to the guy next to me, and said, "I don't even want to look at these clowns, never mind talk to any of them.' He invited me to a step meeting. It changed my life. Now I'm one of the clowns... and loving it. Hang in there. Try to put down the drink... try a step meeting, and things will get better.
Mike
Early in sobriety I belonged to a very large and active AA group. One day at the break I looked out at the parking lot that had at least 200 people, turned to the guy next to me, and said, "I don't even want to look at these clowns, never mind talk to any of them.' He invited me to a step meeting. It changed my life. Now I'm one of the clowns... and loving it. Hang in there. Try to put down the drink... try a step meeting, and things will get better.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by want2stopnow 
But I still pick up the bottle.
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink?
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink?
Originally Posted by want2stopnow
I've gone to meetings many meetings but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. I go to church, I go to recovery church meetings and still nothing. I still want to go home and drink. I just worthless, I hate myself. I hate drinking. I don't know what to do at this point.
Unfortunately, your addiction and your anger has blinded you to the good that I see in you. You are angry at your best friend for fooling around with your ex-husband behind your back, so you have 2 things, rather than 1, that are preventing you from obtaining serenity in your life: anger and addiction. Your anger is making you miserable and so you fall back on your addiction to pleasure yourself, but in the end you are just adding to your misery, are you not? LET GO OF YOUR ANGER!!! I guarantee you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if you do not let go of your anger, you will not be able to let go of your addiction. Forgive your best friend and forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself.
Mercy and forgiveness is what heals these wounds that we suffer on the battlefield of life. And when we heal these wounds a wonderful thing starts to happen in our lives: we stop being so hypersensitive to everything anybody has to say about us. If you have a physical wound on your body and somebody brushes up against it, what are you going to do? What happens if that same wound heals, and then somebody brushes up against it? You are not even going to feel the pain. Remember, mercy and forgiveness heals these wounds so that they become scars. I can live with scars, but I can't live with open wounds. How about you?
As I said to you before, you have a strong undertow in your life that is carrying you out to sea without a life preserver. You are going to drown. I am throwing you a life preserver here, which might not fix the undertow problem, but at least it will keep you from drowning. You don't just have an alcohol problem. You have an anger problem, too.
Peace.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi....
Please check out this link from the book
that convinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
All my fun bottles were long empty
Good to see you here again
Please check out this link from the book
that convinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
All my fun bottles were long empty
Good to see you here again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Originally Posted by want2stopnow
But I still pick up the bottle.
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink. When it has brought so much problems in my life. I've gone to meetings many meetings but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. I go to church, I go to recovery church meetings and still nothing. I still want to go home and drink. I just worthless, I hate myself. I hate drinking. I don't know what to do at this point.
What is wrong with me. It's ruining my life. I act like a jerk and look so stupid. I say meaningful things and hurt people's feelings. Why Why do I still drink. When it has brought so much problems in my life. I've gone to meetings many meetings but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. I go to church, I go to recovery church meetings and still nothing. I still want to go home and drink. I just worthless, I hate myself. I hate drinking. I don't know what to do at this point.
I spent 37 years feeling like this, my only reprieve came by just accepting that i am an Alcoholic , going to AA, and doing ALL the suggested things to the best of my ability .
That included daily meetings, ringing people BEFORE I picked up a drink
and not picking up 1 drink for 1 day , one day at a time . pray for the willingness to do this, then act , you will see a change
Good Luck
HUGX
Leigh
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Originally Posted by want2stopnow
I need alot of help. My best friend right now is a DOG. And I don't mean a guy a real DOG
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