He's recovered
anamaria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: texas
Posts: 36
He's recovered
At least that's what it appears to be.
It's been an ongoing cycle since July 2006 when I caught him with cocaine...on coke/off coke...swore he'd quit for our family...but I continued to find him using. On top of it, he was drinking so heavily, I'd discovered he'd be sneaking out to his truck to binge on vodka. Well, that's a long story short.
Things came to a head about 2 months ago when we were on vacation visiting family putting on our "front" or perfect family faces. He'd been traveling for work and was strung out from the night before. We'd had an arguement about the kids and he pushed and shoved me all around the den. I left my in-laws with the kids and stayed with friends and for the next week, even talked to a lawyer and filed for divorce b/c I'd 'had enough' of, well , everything. He went back to our home and I stayed on vacation pursuing not to come home. He fell into a depression and cried to me for about 1 whole week. I broke down and told his parents EVERYTTHING as before I was denying, and protecting him and what others told me enabling him. His mom spoke to him and told him he was destroying his family. Finally, I decided to go home and prepare my leave from him. When we came home and he swore to me that he would do anything to make things work. I was hesitant and skeptical, however, my soul told me something was sincere and different. I warned him, No more drugs or alcohol or we are leaving again.
It's been 2 months without any occurrance and he's, I swear, a changed man. THis may sound naive of me, but our relationship is BETTER than it's ever been. He's a better Dad, husband, and more satisfied with himself.
My question is this: How long will this last. Is this it? Is this the turnaround? Once an addict, always an addict, right? What should I expect? What have you experienced? I am hopeful and positive and he is too.
It's been an ongoing cycle since July 2006 when I caught him with cocaine...on coke/off coke...swore he'd quit for our family...but I continued to find him using. On top of it, he was drinking so heavily, I'd discovered he'd be sneaking out to his truck to binge on vodka. Well, that's a long story short.
Things came to a head about 2 months ago when we were on vacation visiting family putting on our "front" or perfect family faces. He'd been traveling for work and was strung out from the night before. We'd had an arguement about the kids and he pushed and shoved me all around the den. I left my in-laws with the kids and stayed with friends and for the next week, even talked to a lawyer and filed for divorce b/c I'd 'had enough' of, well , everything. He went back to our home and I stayed on vacation pursuing not to come home. He fell into a depression and cried to me for about 1 whole week. I broke down and told his parents EVERYTTHING as before I was denying, and protecting him and what others told me enabling him. His mom spoke to him and told him he was destroying his family. Finally, I decided to go home and prepare my leave from him. When we came home and he swore to me that he would do anything to make things work. I was hesitant and skeptical, however, my soul told me something was sincere and different. I warned him, No more drugs or alcohol or we are leaving again.
It's been 2 months without any occurrance and he's, I swear, a changed man. THis may sound naive of me, but our relationship is BETTER than it's ever been. He's a better Dad, husband, and more satisfied with himself.
My question is this: How long will this last. Is this it? Is this the turnaround? Once an addict, always an addict, right? What should I expect? What have you experienced? I am hopeful and positive and he is too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
That's wonderful news to read, anamaria, and I hope, for your sake and the sake of your children, that things get better and better.
Since you have no control over what he does (or doesn't do), what are you doing for you? Al Anon or another 12 step programme?
"Hopeful and positive" is a good attitude but might not be enough in a crisis to carry you both through. JMO!
ARL
Since you have no control over what he does (or doesn't do), what are you doing for you? Al Anon or another 12 step programme?
"Hopeful and positive" is a good attitude but might not be enough in a crisis to carry you both through. JMO!
ARL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I too hope you husband truly is dealing with his addictions. How long will it last? There's no way to predict. But somethings will help. Is he in a recovery program?
Take care ofyourself and do what you need to do to help and protect yourself and your children. Counseling or AlAnon may be a good idea.
Take care ofyourself and do what you need to do to help and protect yourself and your children. Counseling or AlAnon may be a good idea.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
It's wonderful that he is making such strides. As you know, that's no assurance that it's forever, but it's great to hear and gosh, some people never get there at all. I'm hoping that he is able and willing to do what it takes to continue. I also hope you continue on YOUR path to recovery and healing, so that no matter what he chooses to do, you will still be okay.
Hugs,
GL
Hugs,
GL
anamaria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: texas
Posts: 36
The problem is he's never been to any meetings. I think he realized he had a problem when we left, I filed for divorce, he pushed and shoved me. Maybe this was his wake up call? I wish he would go to meetings. We go to church now. I guess time will tell.
He tells me he likes beer and wants one at dinner....but I refuse to let him have one in front of me. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't when he's away on business. I do know that when he comes home, he's not strung out or looking really worn, like he used to . I'm worried that the 1 beer will turn into 6 or more! He hates me to bring it up to him, but I have to be firm.
He tells me he likes beer and wants one at dinner....but I refuse to let him have one in front of me. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't when he's away on business. I do know that when he comes home, he's not strung out or looking really worn, like he used to . I'm worried that the 1 beer will turn into 6 or more! He hates me to bring it up to him, but I have to be firm.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
He tells me he likes beer and wants one at dinner
That's the beginning of the downhill slope.
I'm worried that the 1 beer will turn into 6 or more!
That was my experience with XABF.
I have to be firm
With your AH? You aren't the police or his mommy. He can make choices provided he is aware of the consequences. Will you be able to maintain your boundaries if he decides he is going to drink?
ARL
That's the beginning of the downhill slope.
I'm worried that the 1 beer will turn into 6 or more!
That was my experience with XABF.
I have to be firm
With your AH? You aren't the police or his mommy. He can make choices provided he is aware of the consequences. Will you be able to maintain your boundaries if he decides he is going to drink?
ARL
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
anamaria, addicts to recover. My AH, also a narcotics addict was an active addict for 25 years. He has been clean and sober for more than 2 years now. He is very active in AA, and knows people that are 10, 15, 20, 25+ years sober. It CAN and DOES happen.
I know that my AH could not have just one beer. He knows he can not have just one beer. It has happened too many times over the years. he would be sober for 3-4 months, and then WAM, right back into the throws of his addiction. One beer causes the mental obsession to kick in.
That is great that you seem to be a family again. I know in my case, it was a miracle. I hope he can do this on his own. My husband could not. He tried for ten years. For him, it took totally embracing the AA program and total trust in his higher power, God.
Hope his sobriety continues!
I know that my AH could not have just one beer. He knows he can not have just one beer. It has happened too many times over the years. he would be sober for 3-4 months, and then WAM, right back into the throws of his addiction. One beer causes the mental obsession to kick in.
That is great that you seem to be a family again. I know in my case, it was a miracle. I hope he can do this on his own. My husband could not. He tried for ten years. For him, it took totally embracing the AA program and total trust in his higher power, God.
Hope his sobriety continues!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
