ralphie

Hi all, I'm new.

I'm familiar with AA, and the 12 steps. I have thought often about this in the past whether I needed to join. I don't have an issue craving a drink daily, weekly or even monthly. It's when I do drink, I don't know when to stop.

I think back to being 16, and drinking. It started then, my reckless and dangerous behviour...not to others but to myself. More often than not, I'd wake the next morning and not remember stuff, or feeling completely embarrassed by something I had done or said. That has never changed. I am 43 now, and I still wake after a night out and feel totally ashamed of something.

I'm tired of being miserable, tired of hiding in myself, of avoiding people. I want to take the steps necessary to be normal.

That's always been one of my issues, I've never felt normal. The whole egg and chicken thing.

Pinkcuda

I can understand the inability to control it once started, but I'm stumped at the lack of craving. Why do you do it when you know this is going to happen?

mike_mass

Welcome. It sounds like you belong.

Rowan

Hi Ralphie and welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us.

I can identify with waking up the morning after and feeling completely ashamed.

I've never felt normal, either. And I like it that way!

Stick around and keep posting. BTW I am just north of Toronto

ralphie

I suppose it's being surrounded by drinkers my entire life, it's what I know.

Family gatherings - spent playing cards and drinking. I personally believe my entire family belongs in AA.

Friends, most often when we go out, it's to clubs to see bands, concerts etc.

Even going north for a long weekend, drinking becomes the focal point at night.

hope3

Hi and a big welcome to the rest of

your life................hope and love..

desire and attendance....

hope3

Aysha

Hi Ralphie...Glad you are here.
Boy..I wish I didnt have cravings. I wouldnt even get started if I didnt.
But I am an addict.
I dont know how different it is.
Anyway. Hope you stick around.

Justme57

Hi Ralphie , and welcome !

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable"

When I saw that on the wall at my first meeting, it was a relief to actually admit it , and I became willing to change it .

It is such a freedom to live without that shame , and self hate

IF you are willing to go to any lengths to achieve this, you to can be free

I achieved this thru Regular attendance at AA meetings

You can too

I wish you well on your journey !

HUGX
Leigh

lostmdboy

Alcholism is a progressive disease. If I where you I would abstain from drinking, and maybe hit a meeting or two. See what you think.

Rowan

Keep posting ,Ralphie. It's safe here.

CarolD

Those lost memory spaces are called Blackouts.
They are explained here...#34

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Welcome to sR

Pinkcuda

Here, check this out!
http://aa.org/en_is_aa_for_you.cfm?PageID=71
It's a small questionaire that will give you an idea if A.A. is what you want or need.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Ralphie,

Boy, your post hit a chord with me. Thank you for it.

I was where you are now. Now, I'm in a totally different place, one of calm and peace and no more shame and I got there through the support here at SR and the rooms of AA. Things aren't perfect, but at least I now respect myself.

Welcome and please keep posting!

Karen

ccirider

Hi Ralphie:

Is it not possible that you are unaware of the craving? I would try quitting for 30 days and see if you don't experience cravings.

Peace.

ralphie

Thank you all.

It was mentioned in this thread about cravings, maybe I don't notice the cravings. I suppose that is possible, instead of being excited about going out to clubs or concerts, maybe it was excitement about having a drink. I never looked at it that way.

I will attend AA, I'll attend my first one Saturday. Right now, I'm not ready to tell my family that I won't be sharing drinks with them

ralphie

3 weeks, no drinking and I'm fine.

I think there are other issues that probably require attention.

capergirl770

Oh my , don't even talk about feeling ashamed, read my post called today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a good girl(on the outside) with a once good reputation at work..(notice the word once)..Now I'm up on assault charges on a guy who was lieing and cheating on me and was a total dirtbag..And I work with him..and everyone knows.. All because I was on one of my big benders...I have never felt so ashamed but the only good thing that has come out of it is my true and real disire now to completely change my life around. I crave alcohol like a cigarette. I can make it through Monday to Wed usually. But by Thursday I can almost taste it before it hits my mouth. And not to mention, I have driven so s**tfaced so many times that I am lucky that I have never killed anyone. If you feel ashamed and want things to change you are in the right place..I am new to this too but I feel such support. Its not the mistakes that we make its how we fix them that counts...Welcome and hang in there