lostnfound1961

Well, last night my ah came home with a case of beer AND a six pack of 24oz cans of beer. He said one of his buddys was comming over and started drinking. As it turned out another friend showed up with his own six pack of 24oz cans of beer. Not long after he showed up my husband was tipsy. They call the missing friend who is at a bar and tell me they plan to go and see him for a while. I told ah to be careful and not get in trouble. (DUI) He has not had one yet and is sooooooo due.

So at 7:30 I call his cell to tell him dinner is ready. He said he is on his way, and he was this time. So he brings his buddy back with him and they are eating dinner. My husband who drove a good 2 miles home could not stand up without holding on to something and even then he was having trouble. All I could think was, how on earth did you manage to get home without hitting someone (like a parked car)

So they eat and I go to bed. He then comes to bed and passes out. His breath is super sweet again. My sister says thats because of the diabetes and that his suger is spiking. My sence of smell if not working right so I'm not sure what I smell. But.... It's smelling a bit like Gin to me. He rarely drinks anything but beer but I think he was drinking Gin last night.

I can't sleep. I take a pill to calm me down because I am wide a wake and on edge. I start to fall asleep but now he is calling the dogs onto the bed and moving around and taking up most of the bed. He is facing me and that breath is killing me. I ask him to turn over because he is now snoring loudly. (he only snors when he is drunk) I start to fall asleep again but now he is getting up and goes down stairs. I am telling my self to go to sleep but no my brain is running tapes of what I should say or what he will say or what I will write to you today. It has now been another hour or so and I am still awake. I went to bed at 8:30 and it is now 10:30. I take another pill and at last I start to slipp off. THEN........ I hear this patting sound and it wakes me. I think about it for a moment and then look over to see my husband sitting up on the edge of the bed peeing like a rase horse all over the carpet. He has never done that before but there he is doing it! I shake him and yell at him for peeing on the floor but he insists he is peeing into a jug. OH, the jug thats on the floor??

It is now 11:30 and I am wide awake again. He went and got a towl to put over the pee. How Nice. I am livid and can't sleep. I turn the TV back on and fined a show I like that I know he doesn't. Not like that woke him up.

So hid alarm went off at 4:30 and he left just before I got up at 5:00. I am betting he is still drunk and feels like ****. (I HOPE SO) The first think I did was check the computer to see what he has been up to and then I went to the aa site and made sure it was on the history. He likes to check up on me and he can see that.

When I got to work this morning I checked the checking account (the one I messed the card up on) Well he took nothing out of that account. Aaaaaaa he had to spend money out of his own checking account, the money the district gave him in a settlement.

Funny thing is I wanted to tell you all this and I was so upset lat night but today.... I am calm and know it's all his not my issue. He is never going to get better and the sooner I realize that the better.
Have a great holiday everyone!
D

Pick-a-name

Thanks for the memories..I needed to remember those nights today!

Sorry you didn't get much sleep last night;I remember that,too.

lostnfound1961

There is part of me that wants him to get a DUI. Part of me that would love to have the cops and the court system get in his face and tell him (Well sir as a matter of fact your drinking does affect other people)

The only good thing about his drinking is rather than making me want to drink..... It makes me so sick and reinstills in me why I can't drink.
D

GiveLove

Thanks for the reminder of what living with an alcoholic was like.

That's a really disgusting story.

Sorry you couldn't sleep. That's my worst scenario...if I can't sleep, I can't deal. Have you considered giving him his own bedroom? Maybe with linoleum on the floor? Plastic sheets?

I'm sorry but......a husband who's eventually going to kill an innocent person with his car, not getting any sleep, and living ankle-deep in urine would definitely be my issue.

But that's just me.

Techie1701

This is why I sleep lightly when DH drinks, if I tell him to go to the bathroom he will, otherwise he will look for a corner of the bedroom. It's pretty common, there's been a thread on it here before.

Barbara52

So lostandfound, what are you going to do for yourself?

Lilyflower

Some things in your post stuck out to me...

Why are you at home cooking him a meal when he is out boozing and then calling him up to come and get it? IMHO that is acting like his mommy ''AH darling, time for dinner!''

Hmmm, perhaps a little of an issue there if you still feel you need to check up on him???

Not meaning to offend here, just my observation

Lily xxxxxx

Lilyflower

I sympathise with the 'our carpet is a toilet' issue. I've been through that myself, I found a good smack on the a** was enough to wake him up to go the REAL loo!!

Seriously though... my abf put it down to sleep walking, yeah ok then! I woke up one evening to him kneeling on the bed urinating on his own pillows/blankets, only to lay back on them and sleep. Disgusting. I started sleeping in another room where my sleep wouldn't get disturbed and I wouldn't feel the need to vomit.

lostnfound1961

A couple things. I was cooking dinner when he left and do every night. Our agreement was that I would call and let him know it was ready. I don't think thats an issue. I cooked it for my self too.

As for checking up on him..... I only do that because he is doing it to me. I cheeted on him about a year ago and he still has trust issues. (don't we all) Anyway I just do it to do it. I rarely fined him doing anything but checking his email, and besides it's not like I feel the NEED to do it or that I do it a lot. Just when it pops in my mined to do so.

No offence taken.
D

ARealLady

a husband who's eventually going to kill an innocent person with his car, not getting any sleep, and living ankle-deep in urine

I wouldn't stay either....for even ONE of those three but that's me.

Lost....although I don't condone cheating, maybe I can understand WHY you would do such a thing living in this situation. I hope you can talk about this through AlAnon. Please take care of yourself and what is yours.

ARL

FormerDoormat

Every action I take fulfills a need. When I claim otherwise, I'm only fooling myself.

Lilyflower

For myself, I would want to rise above the situation instead of getting on their level.

Counselling together may help this?

Lily xxxxxxxxxx

NoChoice

Wow! you brought back so many memories for me that I must remember. I never want to forget where I came from. Your story is just like mine. I am particularly nostalgic today because it is right around this time that I made the decision to pack up and move out. I remember laying there hearing my heart beat, so angry, so upset, concerned whether or not he was going to come home. I will never forget that stench of sleeping down wind of his stinky Jack Daniels or Heiniken (Sp) breath. UGHHH...I had an added benefit with my x AH, he dipped Coppenhagen and would pass out with it in his mouth and the dutiful wife that I was would try to get his tobacco stains out of the linens....I too would move into the guest room, that didn't help me sleep, tylenol PM couldn't help me sleep. I needed to leave so I could sleep. WOW! You took me back. My divorce will be final on the 30th. Have not heard from him--not a peep. He chose alcohol. I respect that he made the best decision that he could at the time. It hurt but it is what is meant to be.

Happy Thanksgiving.

mamaplus2kids

Let me ask you one thing... how will you feel if he does kill someone after leaving your house and you could have tried to stop him driving? Yes, he may be bigger and stronger... you can always call the cops on him. I wish I had done that!

Oh those sleepless nights... don't miss those one bit. Oh that boiling rage... I remember that too! Oh how I wanted to kick that ******* in the face. Now that he's out of my house, I am SO HAPPY!

lostnfound1961

OK, the drinking and driving thing..... That is another question I guess I need to ask everyone here. I am trying to detach, I can't stop him from doing anything he wants to do. Is it my responsability to get into it with him when he wants to leave the house or drive home drunk?

See the last response sort of hurt me because it is like you are telling me that I will be to blame if I don't take responsability for him. I thought the point was to stop taking responsability for him. If I were to walk out today and he got in his car tonight would that be my fault? No none of what he does is truly my fault. I don't want him to get hurt or hurt anyone else but I can not stop him from doing anything.

NoChoice

OOOHHHHH Lost! I don't have the answers but I do know how it was for me. My exAH totaled his car, broke his c-2 vertibrae and should have died, next he dented his jeep up, not sure what he hit but tore his jeep up, finally he laid down his Harley. That is why I couldn't sleep at night. I was worried if he was going to make it home or if the call was going to come from the police. I thought long and hard about wanting to call the police to tell them where exAh was and let them know that he was going to drive drunk probably but I realized that was too controlling. That wasn't my job, that is God's job, I think I will let him do it. As for trying to save the people out there on the road, well I am just not that powerful either. I know that may sound harsh. Those are choices and consequences he is making. I may have some insider info on what he does from living the hell with him but I can't save the world.
I could only take care of me, that is all I had the strength to do and give him to God.

mamaplus2kids

I'm sorry lostnfound. I didn't imply that you are responsible for what he does. I am only saying that you are responsible for your actions (and inactions) and what you can accept in your life.

I just know that if you serve a guest too much alcohol in your house and then allow him or her to get in car drunk and that guest ends up killing somebody, the laws are such in some places that you could be liable. The family of the victim could come after you if they could prove that you served the guest and allowed him to get in a car drunk. If your husband kills somebody... you are also liable in the sense that it will cost your family financially and maybe emotionally. Is that a burden you want to share?

By cooking for him while he's out getting drunk, by allowing him to booze it up in your house, by allowing him to sleep in your bedroom in such a state, and by not confronting about drinking and driving... then you are enabling him.

I am paying dearly for all those years that I did not confront my AH about a myriad of things, including drinking and driving. As it is... my tolerance level for people who drink to excess has dropped. I now realize that to sleep in my bed, my bedroom, my house is a privilege. My AH was not worthy of my cooking, my clean house and my time. Plus why should you be sleep deprived? I remember those sleepless nights, and I wouldn't take them back for all the money in the world.

In the end, what are your boundaries? What can you accept in your life?

Engawa

If you don't want to be "responsible" for him, then don't put yourself in the position. If he leaves the house drunk and you know he is off to drive, and you don't stop him, and he kills someone --are you legally responsible? Depends on where you live and a lot of circumstances. But, you sound like the sort that would hold yourself morally responsible because you care about others.

If you don't want that burden --I wouldn't!-- then the answer is not to enable him by offering him the safe haven of your home as a drinking place. If you're not in the middle of his drinking/driving cycle, then you're not the one who will be the witness who should warn others.

Hope that makes sense. My brother crashed my car when he was drunk and he could have killed someone. My mother drove drunk with my son when my son was a baby. It took me a while, but I learned. If you don't want to have partial moral responsibility --get out.

:praying

Mr. Christian

Well now.
I guess I really have to ask.
Why live like this?

lostnfound1961

Well thats a good question Mr. C and I don't know why. I keep telling my self to leave then things get better for a while and then worse and around and around and around. It is real hard to give up a 20 year relationship. He never used to be this person and I guess I keep hoping in the back of my pea breain that he will go back to being the person he was. I keep thinking, If I can do it, he can do it. It's messy and complicated. I love him and I hate him and I feel sorry for him and I'm scared. I can see where the road is realy headed and I know that it's not the same road he will be on, I'm aproching that fork in the road but Yet I hesatate.