Surviving The Holidays
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Surviving The Holidays
To steal from Dickens...."They were the best of times, they were the worst of time..."
Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, they are a time to be thankful for all our blessings and a time to celebrate with joy with our families and friends. Until my son's addiction, I always loved the holidays, and today I love them again, but there were many in between that were simply sad days filled with darkness and fear, even more so than normal days.
I thought I'd just share how I got from "there" (the dark place) to "here" (the good place I am in today, even though my son is still missing).
I learned that it was okay to just have a quiet day, to be alone if I wanted or with just a few friends. I didn't have to do the grand celebration with all the trimmings that everyone else was doing...and it was okay. I didn't even decorate or have a tree the first year, it just seemed too much work and a reminder of days when my son would go with me to choose just the right tree and then help decorate it lopsided and crooked as it might have been. It was okay to isolate, but not the greatest idea I ever had.
So I decided to try harder next time, keeping my limits and an "escape plan" ready. For years, until I moved, I volunteered at a Women's Home, where abused women and their children came all days of the year. I became what I call "The World's Oldest Elf" and helped Santa share toys and candy and special treats with the kids there, and this Old Elf brought a few goodies for the moms and ladies too, some bubble bath and small cosmetic treats and a gift certificate so each could get their hair done and feel pretty for a while (a friend hairdresser shared the cost with me on that one). It made me feel good to get out of myself and see that there were so many people worse off than I was and to try to bring a little joy into their sad lives.
And I visited some elderly neighbours and took home baked cookies that I bought at a church bazaar because my baked cookies are about the worst in the world. But I wrapped those cookies in Christmas Paper and attached a nice card telling them how special they were to me, and it made them smile...and that made me smile too.
My husband and I delivered some baskets for the Salvation Army, to those who would never have even a good Christmas dinner unless the Salvation Army remembered them and provided. Sometimes I snuck in something special from us too, just to make it personal.
No...I am not the Christmas Angel, just a sad codie trying to get out of her problems for a while and give back something to the universe. It helped me to do this and it helped me to create some new Holiday traditions, which helped me forget that the old traditions may never be again.
One year, I found myself humming along with the Christmas Carols, and decorating again, small at first then adding. I began joining family celebrations and appreciating all the other family in my life who had been there all along for me, if I had just noticed. And it felt good.
This year, we will celebrate with both sides of our family, and there will be joy in this Codie's home again, and a tree and my special angel candle will be burning on the mantle. I will find something special to do that will help me bring my light to someone who has lost theirs and by doing that we will both feel better and happier during what could have been a sad time.
I have a choice today, I can sit in the darkness because that's okay if I choose it, or I can count my blessings and be thankful for my family, my friends, you friends and that I live in a country of freedom and prosperity overflowing with God's beauty and grace.
Although we had our Canadian Thanksgiving in October, my heart and prayers and thoughts are with all my American friends through this holiday, and I hope that if you are feeling a little extra sad this season, that you too can just take one baby step and do something to brighten the world of somebody else...because I promise you that the light from doing that will shine in your heart forever.
Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends. May your blessings be many over the holidays.
Hugs and Love from this Canadian Codie
Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, they are a time to be thankful for all our blessings and a time to celebrate with joy with our families and friends. Until my son's addiction, I always loved the holidays, and today I love them again, but there were many in between that were simply sad days filled with darkness and fear, even more so than normal days.
I thought I'd just share how I got from "there" (the dark place) to "here" (the good place I am in today, even though my son is still missing).
I learned that it was okay to just have a quiet day, to be alone if I wanted or with just a few friends. I didn't have to do the grand celebration with all the trimmings that everyone else was doing...and it was okay. I didn't even decorate or have a tree the first year, it just seemed too much work and a reminder of days when my son would go with me to choose just the right tree and then help decorate it lopsided and crooked as it might have been. It was okay to isolate, but not the greatest idea I ever had.
So I decided to try harder next time, keeping my limits and an "escape plan" ready. For years, until I moved, I volunteered at a Women's Home, where abused women and their children came all days of the year. I became what I call "The World's Oldest Elf" and helped Santa share toys and candy and special treats with the kids there, and this Old Elf brought a few goodies for the moms and ladies too, some bubble bath and small cosmetic treats and a gift certificate so each could get their hair done and feel pretty for a while (a friend hairdresser shared the cost with me on that one). It made me feel good to get out of myself and see that there were so many people worse off than I was and to try to bring a little joy into their sad lives.
And I visited some elderly neighbours and took home baked cookies that I bought at a church bazaar because my baked cookies are about the worst in the world. But I wrapped those cookies in Christmas Paper and attached a nice card telling them how special they were to me, and it made them smile...and that made me smile too.
My husband and I delivered some baskets for the Salvation Army, to those who would never have even a good Christmas dinner unless the Salvation Army remembered them and provided. Sometimes I snuck in something special from us too, just to make it personal.
No...I am not the Christmas Angel, just a sad codie trying to get out of her problems for a while and give back something to the universe. It helped me to do this and it helped me to create some new Holiday traditions, which helped me forget that the old traditions may never be again.
One year, I found myself humming along with the Christmas Carols, and decorating again, small at first then adding. I began joining family celebrations and appreciating all the other family in my life who had been there all along for me, if I had just noticed. And it felt good.
This year, we will celebrate with both sides of our family, and there will be joy in this Codie's home again, and a tree and my special angel candle will be burning on the mantle. I will find something special to do that will help me bring my light to someone who has lost theirs and by doing that we will both feel better and happier during what could have been a sad time.
I have a choice today, I can sit in the darkness because that's okay if I choose it, or I can count my blessings and be thankful for my family, my friends, you friends and that I live in a country of freedom and prosperity overflowing with God's beauty and grace.
Although we had our Canadian Thanksgiving in October, my heart and prayers and thoughts are with all my American friends through this holiday, and I hope that if you are feeling a little extra sad this season, that you too can just take one baby step and do something to brighten the world of somebody else...because I promise you that the light from doing that will shine in your heart forever.
Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends. May your blessings be many over the holidays.
Hugs and Love from this Canadian Codie
Last edited by Ann; 11-20-2007 at 06:53 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Wow Ann! Your story and how you began to cope with things during the holiday season is very impressive. I doubt you're the World's Oldest Elf but you are one of the kindest and most generous ones. Your recovery inspires me.
Thank you for sharing your ESH and for all you do here at SR.
What I'm doing this year is taking an extra step back from the busy-ness of it all. I've been slowly recovering from the stress of my husbands health issues and recent relapse. Today is day 20 for him.
Yesterday afternoon I bought the all the gifts and cards to be mailed and felt a huge relief. With that done I was starting to feel a bit guilty for ording a precooked turkey, stuffing, casserole and pies for Thanksgiving.
I kept telling myself how much cheaper/better it would be to make it all myself. That was yesterday of course and late last night I began to see the wisdom with my 'Keeping it Simple' this year. I broke a molar last night and am going to the dentist today- and perhaps a few more times before Christmas depending on how bad the damage is.
Had I pushed myself to do it all myself- there would be more stress and I would not be able to enjoy the day with my kids this Thursday. I'm grateful to have it just be my hubby and my three- the youngest being clean over a year and a half now. Oh...and my oldest son told me last night that he is making mashed potatoes, carrots and a pie! I will have very little to do except enjoy the day.
I've determined through all the stressful years of dealing with active addiction, to keep my holidays a sacred and peaceful time. I have 'issues' with the holidays and memories of the past that are painful- so it's even more important to me to create good times and memories.
I hope and pray that you all will have a most wonderful- and serene Holiday Season!
Thank you for sharing your ESH and for all you do here at SR.
What I'm doing this year is taking an extra step back from the busy-ness of it all. I've been slowly recovering from the stress of my husbands health issues and recent relapse. Today is day 20 for him.
Yesterday afternoon I bought the all the gifts and cards to be mailed and felt a huge relief. With that done I was starting to feel a bit guilty for ording a precooked turkey, stuffing, casserole and pies for Thanksgiving.
I kept telling myself how much cheaper/better it would be to make it all myself. That was yesterday of course and late last night I began to see the wisdom with my 'Keeping it Simple' this year. I broke a molar last night and am going to the dentist today- and perhaps a few more times before Christmas depending on how bad the damage is.
Had I pushed myself to do it all myself- there would be more stress and I would not be able to enjoy the day with my kids this Thursday. I'm grateful to have it just be my hubby and my three- the youngest being clean over a year and a half now. Oh...and my oldest son told me last night that he is making mashed potatoes, carrots and a pie! I will have very little to do except enjoy the day.
I've determined through all the stressful years of dealing with active addiction, to keep my holidays a sacred and peaceful time. I have 'issues' with the holidays and memories of the past that are painful- so it's even more important to me to create good times and memories.
I hope and pray that you all will have a most wonderful- and serene Holiday Season!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
This will be my first holiday without my husband and the kids without their father. He will be in treatment over teh Christmas Holidays. This is also my first holiday dealing with these issues. I wish I could just curl up in a ball and sleep the holidays away because the thought of them depresses me so much. But for my kids sake I can't. So I am busy wracking my brain trying to figure out ways to make this Christmas special so that the fact that their dad is not there will not hurt them so much.
I wish I could be at the stage you are at now. It sounds so much nicer then how i am feeling and dreading the holidays. Your post give me hope though for future holidays. So thank you.
Nikki
I wish I could be at the stage you are at now. It sounds so much nicer then how i am feeling and dreading the holidays. Your post give me hope though for future holidays. So thank you.
Nikki
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Ann,
Your beautiful post brought tears to my eyes!
I think you pointed out that sometimes there is no way around the sadness and pain in our lives, except to go through it. And, when we go through it, we are then able to begin to feel the joy, once again.
Your beautiful post brought tears to my eyes!
I think you pointed out that sometimes there is no way around the sadness and pain in our lives, except to go through it. And, when we go through it, we are then able to begin to feel the joy, once again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Ann,
I loved your post SO much!
It reminded me of something I read once...about salt. A Buddhist writer was equating our lives with water, and the troubles and sadness of our lives with a spoonful of salt. To him, it was a given that we will always have a certain amount of salt poured into our life...there no avoiding it. We can't adjust the amount of salt...but we can adjust the size of the vessel it's poured into. If we are a tumbler of water, then the salt will have a pretty significant affect on us, making us salty too. But if we can expand ourselves -- by growing, by giving -- into a wide mountain lake, that same amount of salt will quickly dissipate and we'll be back to normal again.
You are such a calm and clear fountain, Ann. I learn something new from you every day.
I loved your post SO much!
It reminded me of something I read once...about salt. A Buddhist writer was equating our lives with water, and the troubles and sadness of our lives with a spoonful of salt. To him, it was a given that we will always have a certain amount of salt poured into our life...there no avoiding it. We can't adjust the amount of salt...but we can adjust the size of the vessel it's poured into. If we are a tumbler of water, then the salt will have a pretty significant affect on us, making us salty too. But if we can expand ourselves -- by growing, by giving -- into a wide mountain lake, that same amount of salt will quickly dissipate and we'll be back to normal again.
You are such a calm and clear fountain, Ann. I learn something new from you every day.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Oh Ann, you certainly know how to put things in perspective. Because of you and many others on this site my holidays are looking brighter and brighter. I wish I could send all of you a home baked pie!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I actually put up my Christmas tree early this year and decorated my house. I talked to my mom last week and she was surprised that I did this seeing that I would not have anyone here to share the holidays with. She is the world's biggest codie and could not understand that I did it for me. Hugs, Marle
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
ANN, Just before I read this awesome post by you, I read a post by CatsPajamas and she too has planned to volunteer thisThanksgiving. Two in a row sounds like a sign. It makes me want to volunteer. Thanks for inspiring me to count my many blessings and then share them. My son had been MIA for a few months and unreachable for a few yrs. For now he is back both physically + emotionally, although it has to be temporary.
I sure hope your son comes around. If not, you lead by example that life must go on.
I sure hope your son comes around. If not, you lead by example that life must go on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Ann,
What a beautiful story. I really enjoy reading your posts.
I am so thankful this year that is why I am having Thanksgiving at my house. You see last Thanksgiving my daughter had just gotten out of brain surgery after her ABF pushed her out of a moving car. I had to leave her out in Calif. all alone because she was heavy in her addiction and I had to walk away.
This year she is healthy, sober and looks great. I am just so thankful that she is alive and living in Pa. with me once again. She and I have both missed a lot of joyful Thanksgivings. This year our family will all be together and having a sober Thanksgiving.
Blessings on you and your family............Lois
What a beautiful story. I really enjoy reading your posts.
I am so thankful this year that is why I am having Thanksgiving at my house. You see last Thanksgiving my daughter had just gotten out of brain surgery after her ABF pushed her out of a moving car. I had to leave her out in Calif. all alone because she was heavy in her addiction and I had to walk away.
This year she is healthy, sober and looks great. I am just so thankful that she is alive and living in Pa. with me once again. She and I have both missed a lot of joyful Thanksgivings. This year our family will all be together and having a sober Thanksgiving.
Blessings on you and your family............Lois
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself, I must admit. Dreading the holidays, wishing I could fastforward them. It's all just a poignant reminder of the way my life has changed. Not only my addicted son, but also the end of my marriage. I am so happy now and I wouldn't want to go back. But it still is sad when I think of our happy family celebrations together. I do have a tendency to paint those old memories in sentimental hues, instead of the reality that they were. I need to get my head on straight, thank God for my family and my life and my job and my freedom and my country and my church.....get my point? I could go on forever. But I think that is the key to making it through these days. Not comparing our situations to the past or to others, but being thankul for what is.
krhea
krhea
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I am volunteering for a homeless dog shelter... December 6th (now THERE'S an oxymoron, isn't it? 
)
I am going to be wrapping gifts at Borders Bookstore for the shelter....
(Just keep me away from the pups or else I'll have a bunch of them to bring home!)
And, for Thanksgiving...for the first year, I said NO.
I am having a quiet small dinner, with turkey, and the trimmings for Mr. Moose me, and oldest A.
Wouldn't you know...this is the FIRST year since 1995 that I haven't had dinner for the whole family, and this is the one year, that oldest son's is around, and can enjoy it?
(It won't be too enjoyable if he's using that day....oh well...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it)
)I am going to be wrapping gifts at Borders Bookstore for the shelter....
(Just keep me away from the pups or else I'll have a bunch of them to bring home!)
And, for Thanksgiving...for the first year, I said NO.
I am having a quiet small dinner, with turkey, and the trimmings for Mr. Moose me, and oldest A.
Wouldn't you know...this is the FIRST year since 1995 that I haven't had dinner for the whole family, and this is the one year, that oldest son's is around, and can enjoy it?
(It won't be too enjoyable if he's using that day....oh well...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it)
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thank you all for sharing your stories, because the happier ones bring hope, I think, to those still struggling with the sadness.
Lobo, your story just touched my heart, I am so happy your daughter is well and with you. It's amazing what a year can bring, yes?
However you all spend your holidays, remember your friends here and know you are loved.
Lobo, your story just touched my heart, I am so happy your daughter is well and with you. It's amazing what a year can bring, yes?
However you all spend your holidays, remember your friends here and know you are loved.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
It can be so tough to get through the holidays! But we have choices.....
The Ghost of Christmas past is resentment
The Angel of Christmas past is forgiveness
The Ghost of Christmas present is self pity
The Angel of Christmas present is gratitude.
The Ghost of Christmas future is anxiety
The Angel of Christmas future is hope.
It is our decision which to embrace.
Happy Holidays, Y'all
Babs
The Ghost of Christmas past is resentment
The Angel of Christmas past is forgiveness
The Ghost of Christmas present is self pity
The Angel of Christmas present is gratitude.
The Ghost of Christmas future is anxiety
The Angel of Christmas future is hope.
It is our decision which to embrace.
Happy Holidays, Y'all
Babs
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Babs 
It can be so tough to get through the holidays! But we have choices.....
The Ghost of Christmas past is resentment
The Angel of Christmas past is forgiveness
The Ghost of Christmas present is self pity
The Angel of Christmas present is gratitude.
The Ghost of Christmas future is anxiety
The Angel of Christmas future is hope.
It is our decision which to embrace.
Happy Holidays, Y'all
Babs
The Ghost of Christmas past is resentment
The Angel of Christmas past is forgiveness
The Ghost of Christmas present is self pity
The Angel of Christmas present is gratitude.
The Ghost of Christmas future is anxiety
The Angel of Christmas future is hope.
It is our decision which to embrace.
Happy Holidays, Y'all
Babs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Ann,
Your post brought tears to my eyes ...
I read the posts almost every day, but I have not posted in over a month.
I am just holding my breath and waiting for the stuff to hit the fan for both of my "A" children.
I really can't wait to "EXHALE"....
After reading your post, I just want to say Thank you....
Thank you for your strength, honesty, and compassion not to mention your eloquence with words.
Warm wishes for a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving for all.,
and a belated Thanksgiving to you, Ann.
Colleen
Your post brought tears to my eyes ...
I read the posts almost every day, but I have not posted in over a month.
I am just holding my breath and waiting for the stuff to hit the fan for both of my "A" children.
I really can't wait to "EXHALE"....
After reading your post, I just want to say Thank you....
Thank you for your strength, honesty, and compassion not to mention your eloquence with words.
Warm wishes for a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving for all.,
and a belated Thanksgiving to you, Ann.
Colleen
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann,
I remember a year or 2 when I couldn't bring myself to celebrate. My kids were with their dad (it was "his" year to have them for the holiday) and I was very sad and melancholy.... It took me awhile to come up with anything to be thankful for!
I had a friend/ sponsor who could bring me back to reality by suggesting I work harder on a gratitude list. Ultimately I realized how very blessed I was in my life ... it's all in how you play the hand you're dealt.
Fortunately I have moved on from that dark place. Both of my sons were here today and we had our dinner tonight with their girlfriends. Just for today, every one got along. We laughed and cooked and played a game after dinner. Just for today, no one drank too much or smoked dope. Just for today - no drama.
Tomorrow I am going to work at the community center. It's time for me to give back a little. At least one of my sons has asked to join me. And just for today it's all good.
Thanks for sharing. And thanks for all you do here.
With love and hugs and gratitude beyond measure
Cats
I remember a year or 2 when I couldn't bring myself to celebrate. My kids were with their dad (it was "his" year to have them for the holiday) and I was very sad and melancholy.... It took me awhile to come up with anything to be thankful for!
I had a friend/ sponsor who could bring me back to reality by suggesting I work harder on a gratitude list. Ultimately I realized how very blessed I was in my life ... it's all in how you play the hand you're dealt.
Fortunately I have moved on from that dark place. Both of my sons were here today and we had our dinner tonight with their girlfriends. Just for today, every one got along. We laughed and cooked and played a game after dinner. Just for today, no one drank too much or smoked dope. Just for today - no drama.
Tomorrow I am going to work at the community center. It's time for me to give back a little. At least one of my sons has asked to join me. And just for today it's all good.
Thanks for sharing. And thanks for all you do here.
With love and hugs and gratitude beyond measure
Cats
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Ann,
Your strength and serenity has often helped settle me, when I have felt out of sorts.
Today as I read yours and everyone's posts, and am heading into the holiday season, I was reminded how often, even when all seemed right with my world, I could be let down by the smallest thing over the holidays. Sometimes I expected too much out of one day.
I am learning that every day can have better or worse circumstances than the one before it, it's all about my desire to enjoy it for what it has to offer, and then remember it's one day of many in my life, and each and everyone can be blessed if I choose.
Thank you again, for the redirection
Cathy
Your strength and serenity has often helped settle me, when I have felt out of sorts.
Today as I read yours and everyone's posts, and am heading into the holiday season, I was reminded how often, even when all seemed right with my world, I could be let down by the smallest thing over the holidays. Sometimes I expected too much out of one day.
I am learning that every day can have better or worse circumstances than the one before it, it's all about my desire to enjoy it for what it has to offer, and then remember it's one day of many in my life, and each and everyone can be blessed if I choose.
Thank you again, for the redirection
Cathy
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks again, everyone. Cat, it sounds like your good spirit of volunteering is catching, funny how that works. I hope your son does join you, it's a beautiful thing you are doing.
And for those who are struggling today....just remember what I always say...haha..."The difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days". It won't last forever, bad days never do.
Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends.
And for those who are struggling today....just remember what I always say...haha..."The difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days". It won't last forever, bad days never do.
Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Ann-read your posts first thing each morning and I must thank you-you are turly a special lady.
Moose-awwwhhhh-go ahead and bring a pup home!!!!!
No big day here. If I don't tell the pups it is turkey day-they will never know. Neighbors will bring them little plates later. Just going to count my blessings!!!!!! Thanks to SR, I find I have so very much to be thankful for.
Ya'll HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Moose-awwwhhhh-go ahead and bring a pup home!!!!!
No big day here. If I don't tell the pups it is turkey day-they will never know. Neighbors will bring them little plates later. Just going to count my blessings!!!!!! Thanks to SR, I find I have so very much to be thankful for.
Ya'll HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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