HavingFaith

Last week I joined the forum and shared with you that I have a 16 year old who is an addict. The whole teenage and mental health thing has me twisted about all this...I don't want to make excuses for her but she really does have some issues. However, to suggest that people with mental health issues can't cope...well, I know this is not true. She is making the choice not to take her meds, not to jump into the first treatment centre, etc. She is so up and down that it makes it hard to get on even ground. The fact that she is a teenager has been a real struggle for me. I know this is not productive to project into the future but if I needed to kick her out...well, we did that when she was 14 and that's when she hooked up with an abusive boyfriend that threatened our well-being for a very long time. We are finally out from underneath that. I also don't want to feel emotionally blackmailed either so hard to not project what might happen etc.

Last weekend was really rough...it was at that point I wrote and received so much support...thank you! This week has been fairly quiet and she stayed at home. I'm not sure whether she was using at home (I chose not to dwell on this) but if she was, she was discreet and at the very least, reasonable to be around.

She just headed out the door a few hours ago. No names, just a street she would be on. Spells trouble but not a whole lot I can do about it. I just asked her to keep in touch. Her psychiatrist and A&D counsellor are applying on her behalf for treatment centres just in case she becomes ready. I told them to please deal directly with her on this as I can't keep going there about this...it is too exhausting.

Any ideas on how to deal with addicted teenagers? For now she can be here...we haven't caught her stealing again although I am a lot more careful (lock up any money, pills, etc.) but if it gets as bad as it was a few years ago, I'm not sure we can wait until she is 18.

Thoughts?

Spiritual Seeker

I can't begin to know the chaos of living with your daughter has been like.
However, when they are minors I can't imagine throwing them out or abdicating my role as the parent.I believe I would be communicating with her psychiatrist and A&D counselor to co-create a treatment plan. You have a very short time left while she is a minor to force her to get the treament she needs. Will counseling for yourself help you to get more parental influence? Don't give up on her while enforcing the rules and boundaries can be a struggle but what choice do you have?

Done_With_It

Have you thought about one of those wilderness camps? I know there's a good one in Montana. They can be pretty harsh, but no more harsh that street and drug life.
Just a thought.

cece

I am thinking along the same lines as "Spiritual Seeker".
Maybe Its my control issue or looking back too much, but I still wish I had done more when my son was a juvenile. Finding out that his using started when he was a teen does help my "if only" issues. Maybe if I had intervened more then(?)
I know now that he is 22, I have NO options except to love him in a healthy way and work on me.
BUT>>>>
I haven't lived through what you lived through. Only you know when the harm to you and your family becomes too great..
Maybe parents who have dealt with a juvenile can help you with this.
I am here though and know the pain of watching the child you love deteriorate regardless of when it started.. Keep working on your understanding of it all, and working on finding a life that doesn't revolve around her addiction.
Cathy

Lobo

This is a tough one for me. My RAD didn't start using drugs until she was 20 yrs. old.
I think I would feel the sme way as Spiritual Seeker. I f my daughter was a minor I would probably be very involved in getting her help and finding recovery for her. I don't think she has the maturity to make those decisions. I know how hard it was for my daughter and she was much older. They are really not as old as their age says they are. Because of the drug use they stay stuck where they were when they started to use.

I know you are exhausted, but I think you have a lot more work to do with her before you can let go. Is there a father involved.....maybe he could help.

Prayers for you and your daughter.............Lo

caileesnana

Hi, My daughter started at age 17, which in Texas left me w/ few options as she was an adult in some respects, a child in others legally.

Looking back, and w/ your daughter's age, you don't have to wait until she is ready. There is all types help for "children" that you won't have when they hit that magic age of 17.

I've known a few camps that work, and an excellent center in TX I wish I'd found 5 years ago. They take kids ages 12-24, work on issues causing the substance abuse, and they have a school on campus w/ real teachers so they don't get behind. There are kids there from all over the US, they are ranked 5th on some list of adolescent centers. Some graduate High School from the charter school program. I highly recommend it. They take most insurances also. The counselors are great, all have 10-25 years "clean" or sober. PM me if you'd like the name and website. You can also call and talk to someone 24/7
My prayers for you, and your daughter,
susan:praying

HavingFaith

Hi,

Thanks for the support and ideas. Having dealt with this since she was 12ish, I have been down many of these paths. Her personality is one of a need for huge control and she is likely to balk at anything that isn't her idea. When she was younger, we did have her hospitalized a few times, I called the Ministry of Children and Family Development and told them to step in (they wouldn't cause guess what, she has parents who care), I took her to detox, found her safe haven from the ex-boyfriend and got her into a treatment program in another city that she left on the bus from after only one day.

We sent her to some self-empowerment programs that she did really well on for awhile so the information is there. If she makes the decision to stop using, I know she is capable of doing amazing things with her life, in whatever form she chooses.

Her father is in our lives; he is amazing and is my rock. We have spent thousands of dollars on her in one form or another and I know this sounds selfish but we are not prepared to go into debt for her anymore. There are a few funded programs in BC and her dr. and counsellor are working to get her in but since they are few and far between, they will only take those who want change. If she perceives it as my idea it almost has the kiss of death on it so her dr. and counsellor are working directly with her on this one. Once she makes a decision to go forward, we will help how we are able.

In Canada you can't force someone her age to go somewhere against her will. When she has attempted suicide (3 x in the past), we have sent her to the psych ward but they can only make her stay for the first 72 hours, after that, it has to be voluntary. We did get her into a 6 week program once and that helped for awhile but she has to want to do this.

These wilderness and other programs in the states are not covered by my health insurance...I checked. If there is an actual hospital that deals with addictions, I might be able to get coverage to that so would appreciate the name of it, particularly if it is in Canada. Susan, I would love the name of the program you spoke about, thank you.

I still believe she has what it takes to get through this but no one makes my daughter do anything she doesn't want to. I hate ultimatums so work hard to not get into a situation where the only option would be for her to get out...as I said before, she isn't currently stealing from us or overtly using in the house, and at the moment is being reasonable so for now she stays. She didn't come home last night but at least called to say where she was, and called again to check in this morning. These are gifts I accept with gratitude.

Yes, any parents of teenagers...specific strategies or how you coped would be helpful. I will never give up but perhaps I have to let go? Easier said than done I suppose...I will be going to Nar-Anon this week at our local community meeting. Perhaps other parents there may have gone through this and may have some local resources I am not aware of.

Thanks for all the support,

Having Faith.

bookmiser

Havingfaith,

My husband and I found out about my son's addiction to heroin when he was 19.
I moved him 325 miles away from his friends and family when he was 16 and expected him to "start" over. My husband's job tranfers us. My son didn't want to go.
I made him go. I forced him to go to school there. He hated it and begged me to let him go back home and live with his dad. (dad's an alcoholic, btw)
I thought...anything to make him happy.
I let him go. He was there 8 months and wanted to come home.
I told him he had to go to school or work.
He chose work. Made friends, started going out, ect.
I knew that he had smoked pot before, but didn't know that he was a regular user.
He was. Going out, he would wind up going to what young people call raves.
Loud, fast, pounding music. ecstasy pills, pot, or whatever.
He moved in with the gf and started using regularly.
I just wanted him to be happy there. If I would have known then, what I know now...
I would have been on him like white on rice.
I would have done more. I know now that I could have done more.
I was too busy working and trying to "fit" in, myself.
The first real "foot in his a$$" came when I pressed charges on him for stealing from me. That didn't happen until he was 22. He turned 22, in jail.
So, for 3 years after I found out about his heroin addiction, I was busy "helping" him and trying to "fix" him. Waiting around to see if he was gonna stop using. Grow out of it, ect. He didn't.
Lots of heartache later, I found soberrecovery, naranon meetings, and had my son arrested.
The rest, as they say...is history.
Do everything you can, now, to stop your daughter.
Jmho.
Thanks for reading,

:praying

p.s. my son is now 26. he still hates to be asked any sort of questions that have to do with his business. know what i do now instead of cringing and backing down? i ask anyway. lol
drives him crazy. i don't care.