Blues2

My ah has not drank for 5 days now... at least that is what he told me. I do not see any of the signs of alcohol... well, someone said instead of me always giving him crap for drinking.,.. what if I rewarded him for not drinking. For some time I have been over protective of the kids... trying to do it all for them on my own. He works a lot and it is like that most of the time anyway. I am really proud of him if he did not drink for 5 days. I told him that. I had to take kids to birthday party tonight. I called him and said... lets take the kids out to dinner. We never go out on Friday nights as a family.. he gets home too late. So we went out and had a wonderful time. He was playing tic tac toe with the kids and hang man as we waited for our food. It was so nice to see him sober and interacting with us. I look back and I know I have shut down in some ways in our relationship. I have been reading the stickies.. and I feel like I can do this. I found a local meeting that works in my schedule. they meet on thursday at lunch by my work. So I will have to wait a week to go because of Thanksgiving.

AH told me that he did not call insurance, that he wants to speak to his counselor first. He does that on Saturday. I said what ever. I thought about what you said, there is no consequence and it is on him. I have to do what is right for me. I have terrible stomach issues and this has made them worse.. he said call the doc.. I thought of saying I will if you do but I knew that was wrong.

I called today for me. I can not take this on. Inside it is killing my insides. I want to get control.

Also, last night I told ah that I thought about him dying. I told him that I had thought that being a widower would be easier then a drinks wife.. he did not like that. I said that is how I felt.

Anyway.. I have been reading posts and do not feel like I have any kind of insight yet to help someone else but I so appreciate everyone here.

In just a few short days I feel not so alone in this.

Blues

kj21

It is nice to spend time with them when they are not drinking. It reminds me of how it used to be...in the beginning. they are good people, just sick. It is up to us to decide if the good outwieghs the bad. I am still deciding that one. I am hppy for your family that you had a good night together!

denny57

That's fantastic, Blues2 - let us know how it goes.

((()))

Barbara52

I'm glad you called the doctor. What was the result?

This is the other side of controling behavior. The carrot instead of the stick. Sort of like giving a child a candy for being good in the store. Do you enjoy treating your husband like a child? Is he not an adult?

Its not easy learnign to understanding what is enabling or controlling behaviors. It reallybecomes second nature for too many of us living with an alcoholic. But we do have to come to undestand that controlling the alcoholic doesn't work. Their changes have to come from within.