lolobug3

:cube:

Please tell me. Are all A's after they have stopped drinking but have no recovery program the same way? Mine is Cocky, arrogant, selfish, distant, rude, immature, short-tempered, demanding. Please let me know. It is so hard to even think he cares for me anymore. Sure, he says he loves me but acts differently alot of the time. I have learned to detach to a point but just wanted to know some other experiences with this. Thanks! Lolobug

Sarah2003

Hi lolobug3,

Yes, those are the same symptoms my AH had whenever he was sober, but not in recovery. There isn't anything that you can do about it except take care of yourself.

Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? A great book that helped me during those periods is Melody Beatties "Co-Dependent No More."

Begin to focus on YOU, and try not take anything he says or does personally, unless it's abusive...then get help.

Out of everything you described, his being distant and withdrawn was the worse for me. I was happy........ I was happy he was sober......why can't we have fun and enjoy our time together?

He was sober, but still sick. Please take care of yourself and try not to focus on him. I wasted so many precious hours, days, weeks, months and even years on trying to fix him. I was probably doing more harm to him and was definitely doing for harm to ME by obsessing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Sarah

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Lolo,

I just read in one of your earlier posts that your husband has only been working on this for a little over a month? I don't think it's that weird that he's still cranky at this point. Dino was difficult for a long time, but he's turned into a very pleasant character. Do extra nice things for yourself, visit alanon, spend some time with your girlfriends... like Sarah suggested... focus on you for awhile. It's very early for him yet. Now, if he's still being a butt in 6 months lets shake-n-bake him.

Hugs,
Smoke

Sarah2003

Smoke....the girlfriend thing is a great suggestion. Through years of co-dependence, I isolated myself from my dearest and closest friends. They all knew "where I was at," and never abandoned me, but I did abandon them.

I didn't like to consequences I got after choosing to spend time with girlfriends, even time with my own Mom. I'd go out for a couple of hours with my Mom or my closest friend, and he'd be distant and withdrawn when I came home. Especially if I was smiling. He didn't like me to have fun without him. So I would cautiously slink in the house, and dig right into housework. And this is when he was sober!

Oh my....how control and manipulation can mess us up!

That is definitely one of my objectives....to re-establish those friendships and work to be there for THEM, instead of the other way around!

Here's to time with girlfriends!!!!

lolobug3

Thanks so much you guys. I stopped hanging out with anyone too, even my mom, for the longest time. I still don't do it and I need to start. The withdrawn and ignoring me when I would get home from having fun without him. Yep, that is why I stopped doing it too. I didn't want to have to deal with that either. Geeze, I need to start!!!!! Thanks again.....Lolobug

redrose51

how do you learn to cope with the A when he gets out of rehab. and you wonder is everything going to be okay this time, you wait until its past the time hes suppose to be home, and hes late again. and he doesnt call or you go out and look for him, which is crazy I know because they could be anywhere, and they dont answer the phone. when they do come home, you wonder what srate that they are in, how do you get over this constant worry. and wonder about the bank accounts and things you have in the house whether hes gone throught them and took things trhat will inable him to get money, and whats this that they can get money anywwhere they want, and anyway they can. this has been the last 2 months. hes been in rehab since May. does anyone else have these worries or concerns. I have gone to Al-non, but really didnt understand it all. it seems like every year we go through this and its gets pretty worry some after awhile. I knowthey say one day at a time, but getting through one day of worry can be a very long day.
thanks
red

trish

My husband drinks moderately, but enough to make me ill. You know how it is, always a beer in his hand. Since this began, he is so arrogant, ignorant and just a down right "child". When he drinks he is in his glory. My kids even tell me that he hasn't had enough beers yet to alter his mind.
Since I started to detox, I have looked at him differently. I want him to also face life free of these addictions that get a hold on us.
My marriage after 20 years is finally tearing apart. He cannot stop the beer.........I can no longer accept it.