queenteree

I guess you all were right, you got to be sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm damn sick and tired of being on this rollercoaster ride!!! As you all know, I did not want to leave my AH cause of money, his settlement, the house, etc. I couldn't live like I was living so I went to Family Court and got an order of protection where he couldn't drink or be drunk at the house, had to go for treatment, evaluations, etc. OK, so now he's not drunk. Still the same man. Court evaluator calls him yesterday, tells him they want him to come in for random urine test. Last night, he's saying he's going to lose his job because of what I did - what I did?!!!! I again reminded him that his actions brought this all about. Of course, stupid me, gets into a dialogue (when will I ever learn?). Then he goes on to say how I (me again!) pushed it too far, he can never trust me again (he can't trust me????), it's over, let's sell the house, get a divorce, all the usual crap. I called my son (we jokingly say he is my sponsor) who tells me to face the fact that AH uses my love for him as a manipulation tool, that AH doesn't love me or himself, that I must accept the fact that my marriage is over whether I like it or not, so I must resolve to just sell the house, do what I got to do and take the loss. He also told me not to even have a dialogue w/him and let him sulk in his own room. And you know, he's right. So I have decided to start looking for a place, let the home equity line pay the mortgage (in this market I would walk away w/squat anyway) and let him have his settlement and just move on w/my life. Peace and serenity is too important to me now and life is too short. Thanks all of you for listening, and Keepingmyjoy - you are my inspiration for all this too. Hope you all are well.

Barbara52

{hugs}

Its ounds to me like you are realizing that somethings, such as your peace of mind and future, are more valuable than any material thing.

I know this has been a difficult choice for you. It always is. I hope you can find a place and move out soon so you can start the beginning of the rest of your life.

good_luck

Heck yeah, lady!

I doubt there is enough money in the world to make putting up with him worth your time.

I'm proud of you, and Tina Turner would be too!

parentrecovers

i left with 2 suitcases and $275 in the bank. and all my daughter's stuff.

we survived just fine..

hugs, k

denny57

You'll be ok, QT. Keep posting.

((()))

FormerDoormat

YEAH!:atv

LaTeeDa

I know how hard it has been for you to come to this decision. I'm glad you are putting yourself first!

L

Rella927

Queen this has been a tuff road and a tuff choice but glad to see that you are doing this for yourself!....I send healing thoughts that it will be all down hill from here! You You You First! You go girl

Lilyflower

Good luck Terri

Lily xxxxxxxx

shakarris

Good luck to you. I am sure it is a scary step but with what is endured in this type of relationship .. what is scarier?



Blessings

shakarris

queenteree

Exactly the way I see it, what's scarier? I was thinking how I really should have did this 2 years ago with the housing market better, but did I? No. Instead I wasted two years of my life. I am mostly miserable now, so when I leave, if I am sad, scared and miserable, I am already, so I really have no where to go but up, right? I gave a lot of thought to two years from now (I know, live in the day, but in general), do I want to still be where I am wasting two more years? Definitely no. AH called me before (receptionist put the call thru). Told me he called the court, told them that his job is on the line, they said he didn't have to go next week, but he will have to meet w/them at least twice a month for a year, only way out is for me to drop the order (have the judge dismiss it). I said "gee, sorry you're stuck for a year, I'm not dropping the order." He's like "I know, I know, I'm not asking you to" and of course he's not asking me to, he's just going to start either a) playing the kiss butt game to try and make me think everything will be good with the hopes that I will drop the order (and then BAM, crap will hit the fan on court day when I don't) or b) going on and on and on until I move out about what "I" did to him in the hopes that I will just drop the order so I don't have to hear it. But, I'll just ignore him and not get into a dialogue like my son says. I'm not planning on telling him that I'm moving out, I'm just going to do it.

keepingmyjoy

Teree!!!!!! You go girl! I am here to tell you....It can be done! I am in my new place, things are almost put away fully and the peacefulness and quiet are so wonderful. I slept better in the last 2 nights than I have for years.

I know how hard it is to come this decision-but you will be amazed that once you start the ball rolling, things will fall into place so easily. The worst part is when you look at all the stuff you have to do as one big ball....for myself, I had to take each thing that had to be done as one step at a time to make it look smaller. I literally just had to talk to myself (I am sure there were times people thought I was crazy!) and say, "Ok, one thing at a time". When you open your mind to all the possibilites, they seem to pop up for you. When you repeatedly tell yourself, "I can do this...." and take deep breaths when you feel panicky, all of a sudden, the "I can'ts" disappear.

As soon as I moved out, my "sick and tired" feeling was gone!

You can do this...I am with you in spirit and here for you anytime. You keep us posted! I know you are going to be so happy!

hbb

(((()))) I wish you the best of luck, i've been reading your posts and i'm truly very sorry for everything you are going through. Just know that you did your best in every aspect by the sounds of it. I'm thinking of you

FormerDoormat

(in a Jerry Springer type of beat)

Teree...Teree...Teree!

hopeangel

tough decision terri. i know you are doing the very best for you. it is extremely hard to come to terms with supporting someone and only wanting the best for them and doing what you feel is right or you need to do to protect yourself and, in doing that, becoming the enemy, and being pushed away and fought against with venom. hard pill to swallow. don't know that i can swallow it myself.

good for you making some decisions for what is best for yourself.

Pick-a-name

(((qt)))

Janitw

Ohhhh the many bottoms we hit huh??? Stay the course hun....the right thing to do in life is always so hard...

If this is what you need to do for YOU then you go girl.....its all uphill now. He will quack like he's never quacked before so hang in there....put ear plugs in if you need to.

Janitw

hadenoughnow

I'm glad you are taking of yourself and your living arrangements, the money stuff will work itself out. Look at it this way, you living there engaging with him won't get the house sold faster and he really can't just run off with the settlement money, you may as well live in peace while these things get worked out.