kglast

OK, please, reminders here....

Just had an hour long conversation with his mother, about him and other things as well....of course she is more sympathetic to him - he is her child - as a mother, I understand this....

My problem is - his birthday is coming up in about a week and a 1/2.....I am very tempted to spend it with him. The idea of him being alone absolutely KILLS me....if I could be sure he was not drunk, I would call him right now and arrange it!!! DUH!!!!

What is wrong with me?!!?! Clearly , I know better!!!! I know going back doesn't help and just sets me back again! Why is it so hard to accept that they are really all the same....how can they be when humans are all individuals?!?!?!

I don't know - I guess I just need reinforcement and reminders of why I shouldn't get together with him again!!!!

LaTeeDa

What does it matter if they are all the same or individuals? You don't have to base your decisions on that. You have first hand experience with this particular individual! Who cares how others behave, you know how he behaves, right? Dr. Phil says the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Do you have any credible reason to believe that things will be any different?

L

Mr. Christian

Um, ok,,,,
He an alcoholic without recovery, hows that?

Barbara52

Just remember all the mulitude of reasons you left. Has anything changed?

ARealLady

his birthday is coming up in about a week and a 1/2.....I am very tempted to spend it with him. The idea of him being alone absolutely KILLS me

Kglast....if it was YOUR birthday coming up and YOU didn't want to be alone and you sort of felt tempted to include him in your celebrations....well....I wouldn't say go for it but I would tell you that you are entitled to your feelings. But this? Would he be as concerned for you? Me-thinks you could re-read a few chapters of Co-dependent No More.

Here's why I won't be getting together with XABF on his birthday which is also just around the corner:

1. I have so many better things to do with my time and money.

2. I only allow people into my life who enhance it.

3. Last year on his birthday we shared the day and he was hungover or drunk all
day. Barely tasted the special birthday dinner I made for him and was asleep by
9 pm.

4. Hardly acknowledged well-thought out gift I gave him.

5. Was grumpy and taciturn most of the day.

ARL

denny57

Does it absolutely KILL him that you are going through this? Why are you more concerned with his welfare than your own?

It also might help to stop talking to his mother.

keepingmyjoy

I can only suggest you go back and read all your posts on SR. If you came here out of desperation like I did and you go back and read your own thoughts and feelings, that could be some powerful reminders right there.

Hang in there. I know it is hard. :praying

keepingmyjoy

I can only suggest you go back and read all your posts on SR. If you came here out of desperation like I did and you go back and read your own thoughts and feelings, that could be some powerful reminders right there.

Hang in there. I know it is hard.

good_luck

Um, it probably isn't too helpful to talk to his mother. Of course she supports her son, so maybe you need to talk to people who support you? If you are looking for validation about leaving, which is understandable, that doesn't seem like the best place to get it. My therapist was always telling me to stop going to wells that were dry for water, in regards to talking to my ex. Seems like that might apply here.

I think this post has too many "you's," but I can't find a way around it. Sorry!