not sure if i'm doing the right thing
live 2 love, love 2 live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: addison,Il
Posts: 18
not sure if i'm doing the right thing
well i'm not sure what i did you see i told my ah that he cant come home because of his "problems" so i think he did the right thing by signing him self in to rehab, I have talked to him everyday that he has been in there and he sounds like he is trying (I know that there is still a long road ahead for him) but he gets out on monday so he asked me if i would pick him up and take him to his new home (1/2 house) I told him that i would since i have all of his stuff that he needs (clothes, shoes ) and so on. well thats not the problem the problem is that his family my family says that i'm wrong for doing this because he needs to do things on his own, so is that the wrong thing to do? not sure i know that there might not be the right answer but i dont feel that is wrong I mean he his still my husband still the father of my kids and i know that it only a ride, but i just dont want him to take kindness for weakness.
here is another issue that i have with both family's i have his last pay check from his boss and it is enought for the first months rent in the1/2 way house and i know he has no other way to get money and i think i should give it to him but everyone else says i'm stupied for doing so when i ended up paying all of the bills for this month and i can use that money to live on.
when does it end or does ever end?
wow i thought i was doing a good thing and now everyone is mad at me for giving him a ride and maybe giving him his check but on the filp side none of his family will give him money nor will they give him a ride. I'm sure its because they are tired of his problems.
you see i dont want to let my wall down because this is the first time i have ever put it up and keeped it up and i feel good about just being strong for the first time in a long time.
:atv thats me on the road to being strong and i dont know if i do this will i become weak again?
here is another issue that i have with both family's i have his last pay check from his boss and it is enought for the first months rent in the1/2 way house and i know he has no other way to get money and i think i should give it to him but everyone else says i'm stupied for doing so when i ended up paying all of the bills for this month and i can use that money to live on.
when does it end or does ever end?
wow i thought i was doing a good thing and now everyone is mad at me for giving him a ride and maybe giving him his check but on the filp side none of his family will give him money nor will they give him a ride. I'm sure its because they are tired of his problems.
you see i dont want to let my wall down because this is the first time i have ever put it up and keeped it up and i feel good about just being strong for the first time in a long time.
:atv thats me on the road to being strong and i dont know if i do this will i become weak again?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Does he need the money for living at the new place? Just thinking that he would use that excuse to go home.
I have been recovering for a long time. But I have went for help in the past just to cover my but. And when things got good at home again I would do the same crap. But time will tell if he wants to recover.
Hope I'm not out of place to reply. But some times it might be good to ask a person in recovery for answers.
I will pray for your family.
I have been recovering for a long time. But I have went for help in the past just to cover my but. And when things got good at home again I would do the same crap. But time will tell if he wants to recover.
Hope I'm not out of place to reply. But some times it might be good to ask a person in recovery for answers.
I will pray for your family.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
A good clue to remember when you wonder if you are enabling...
Am I doing something that he could or should be doing for himself?
If he has no other means of income right now, you might ask him how he has worked out paying the 1/2 house?
But if giving this to him leaves YOU homeless, then you might have to ask yourself why you would put yourself in danger...
We all have to live with what we do. I consider that when I "help" my addicted loved ones because I also know that they have to learn lessons for themselves. And I often have to "check my motive" for helping. Do I have a hidden agenda? (Perhaps they will see the error of their ways... maybe this will show them how much I care... Now they will see how much they need me.... etc).
He probably has the option of taking his issues to his rehab and asking them the best way to work out the transportation and rent situations.... doing so will give him some insight into how to problem solve. But here's the rub - that is his business.... talking to his group, figuring out if the effort of making all those arrangements is worth his time and effort... etc.
Your business is figuring out what YOU need and whether that check is vital to your household.
None of it is his families business, and if they continue to give you unwanted advice that makes you fret... stop taking their calls.
I wish you the best.
Am I doing something that he could or should be doing for himself?
If he has no other means of income right now, you might ask him how he has worked out paying the 1/2 house?
But if giving this to him leaves YOU homeless, then you might have to ask yourself why you would put yourself in danger...
We all have to live with what we do. I consider that when I "help" my addicted loved ones because I also know that they have to learn lessons for themselves. And I often have to "check my motive" for helping. Do I have a hidden agenda? (Perhaps they will see the error of their ways... maybe this will show them how much I care... Now they will see how much they need me.... etc).
He probably has the option of taking his issues to his rehab and asking them the best way to work out the transportation and rent situations.... doing so will give him some insight into how to problem solve. But here's the rub - that is his business.... talking to his group, figuring out if the effort of making all those arrangements is worth his time and effort... etc.
Your business is figuring out what YOU need and whether that check is vital to your household.
None of it is his families business, and if they continue to give you unwanted advice that makes you fret... stop taking their calls.
I wish you the best.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again...
The half way houses I know of have list of jobs
and insist residents take them quickly.
If you givve him a lift there
A. You can ask the director ...w/o saying you have the money
B. You can give him needed clothes
C. He can sign the check so you can use it for your family.
Do not give him cash
Don't let him back in the house
it's way too soon for that step.
Just my experience ...
The half way houses I know of have list of jobs
and insist residents take them quickly.
If you givve him a lift there
A. You can ask the director ...w/o saying you have the money
B. You can give him needed clothes
C. He can sign the check so you can use it for your family.
Do not give him cash
Don't let him back in the house
it's way too soon for that step.
Just my experience ...
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