Why do they lie?
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Why do they lie?
I was driving to work yesterday morning.. I was exhausted, didn't have to go, but decided to be extra responsible, lol.
I hadn't been to this part of town in a long time. I drove by this part and got a weird feeling and didn't know why but it was a bad dark kind of feeling. And I was like, Oh I know this feeling.... It usually means, this is an old "Spot" where I used to meet my dealer, and I try and stay out of those parts now. But it wasn't, so I looked around.
And then I figured it out.....
I saw my vets office, and I was like Oh, damn....
When I was still using, my cat got sick, and it was at a time when everything was going wrong, cuz that's what happens when you are using.
Well I ended up having enough money to pay the vet, and he was okay,
(He almost didn't make it) but that was another thing that led me to my bottom, because I almost didn't have enough money to pay the vet, and I would have lost him.
Well it was stressful, and I don't know exactly what transpired but my stress level was so high, I knew I needed to quit, I wanted meth, blah, blah, blah..
Anyway, I just remembered that I told my Mom some lie about me driving over some piece of glass and it punctured my tire? in middle of the night, so I had to do whatever, I had to do, and put my spare on to get home.
I told her this the next day,
I didn't tell her cuz I wanted money (or maybe I did, who knows)..
I have NO idea why I made up that lie..
I just remembered it yesterday on my way to work....
I know me, I wouldn't have taken any money from her, I was just mad at that time, mad that my cat was sick, mad that I wanted more meth, but couldn't get any, mad that I needed to stop but couldn't, so uh, lol, I guess lying for me, was the only thing I thought of...
Anyway... you all always want to know, and you ask, Why do they lie.
There is no reason.......
Our brains just go haywire..... I had no reason whatso ever to make up that lie, except I felt so crazy and out of control and angry, and whatever....
Don't look for a reason to the madness.....
(or don't drive yourself crazy looking anyway)
There is no answer most of the time...
For me there wasn't anyway.
That's not the first time that's happened......
Just a thought anyway...
Thank God for my Mom.....:praying
:day4
I hadn't been to this part of town in a long time. I drove by this part and got a weird feeling and didn't know why but it was a bad dark kind of feeling. And I was like, Oh I know this feeling.... It usually means, this is an old "Spot" where I used to meet my dealer, and I try and stay out of those parts now. But it wasn't, so I looked around.
And then I figured it out.....
I saw my vets office, and I was like Oh, damn....
When I was still using, my cat got sick, and it was at a time when everything was going wrong, cuz that's what happens when you are using.
Well I ended up having enough money to pay the vet, and he was okay,
(He almost didn't make it) but that was another thing that led me to my bottom, because I almost didn't have enough money to pay the vet, and I would have lost him.
Well it was stressful, and I don't know exactly what transpired but my stress level was so high, I knew I needed to quit, I wanted meth, blah, blah, blah..
Anyway, I just remembered that I told my Mom some lie about me driving over some piece of glass and it punctured my tire? in middle of the night, so I had to do whatever, I had to do, and put my spare on to get home.
I told her this the next day,
I didn't tell her cuz I wanted money (or maybe I did, who knows)..
I have NO idea why I made up that lie..
I just remembered it yesterday on my way to work....
I know me, I wouldn't have taken any money from her, I was just mad at that time, mad that my cat was sick, mad that I wanted more meth, but couldn't get any, mad that I needed to stop but couldn't, so uh, lol, I guess lying for me, was the only thing I thought of...
Anyway... you all always want to know, and you ask, Why do they lie.
There is no reason.......
Our brains just go haywire..... I had no reason whatso ever to make up that lie, except I felt so crazy and out of control and angry, and whatever....
Don't look for a reason to the madness.....
(or don't drive yourself crazy looking anyway)
There is no answer most of the time...
For me there wasn't anyway.
That's not the first time that's happened......
Just a thought anyway...
Thank God for my Mom.....:praying
:day4
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
You are right. I have stopped trying to figure out why my daughter lies because it does not make sense given my knowledge and her situation. Just drives me crazy and does not change her. I know I have told my share in the past and my reasons have always been to avoid punishment or to gain approval. Never made me feel good about myself so I figure that in some way my daughter does not feel good about her lies but they are a means to an end. She just doesn't get what she wants from me anymore
Hugs, Marle
Hugs, Marle
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by marle 
You are right. I have stopped trying to figure out why my daughter lies because it does not make sense given my knowledge and her situation. Just drives me crazy and does not change her. I know I have told my share in the past and my reasons have always been to avoid punishment or to gain approval. Never made me feel good about myself so I figure that in some way my daughter does not feel good about her lies but they are a means to an end. She just doesn't get what she wants from me anymore Hugs, Marle
Hugs, MarleYea, at first I caught myself trying to figure out what the hell I was could have possibly done that for? Was it for money, revenge? or this or that, but nothing
I came to made sense, I just ended up feeling really bad, and came to no con-
clusion, and I finally had to let it go, and just hope that my Mom will have to be
okay life the way I am now. lol :day4
I do remember the adrenaline just pumping and going so fast that I needed something, and reality just wasn't enough sometimes. Nothing is good
enough for or okay enough there's always got to me more or different.
Weird...
Weird how strong just driving by a street can trigger that memory.
It's still stored in there somewhere so strong. That's creepy.:comfort
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
I used to think they lied to justify their actions ... but the deeper into recovery I get, the more I think they lie to try and make things make sense to them. You know, like accusing you of doing things you didn't do, or over looking how their own behaviors provoked yours ... if they lie to themselves about it, their own actions make more sense to them. (Because, of course, they are not addicted.)
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
my AS would start a story and midway through I would just stare at him not listening because it made no sense at all and it really had nothing to do with anything so when he would finish I'd say "oh" roll my eyes and go on my way
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mid Atlantic Region
Posts: 7
My ALO said you can ask this question: "Why do they _____________ (fill in blank with ANYTHING an active addict does)"
the answer is always the same:
Because that is what their addiction requires of them.
It's sad, really, more than anything else.
the answer is always the same:
Because that is what their addiction requires of them.
It's sad, really, more than anything else.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i overheard my xah tell an electrician that he had 18 months sobriety, and he actually only has 6 months. red flag. then the electrician said it in front of me with my xah standing there. talk about stressfull.....he looked like he wanted to run.
i just kept my mouth shut. none of my business. it belongs to him.
now before i got into recovery, i would have corrected him right in front of the electrician and put all the cards on the table.
now i know just to mind my own business.
it just doesn't make sense, and it's not my job to make sense out of his deceptions.
he also told someone that i owned one of the properties i manage!
i quit trying to figure it out a long time ago.
done.....those moments will happen, i would imagine.
i'm a co-dependant, and i have them, too. i want to go back for a "fix" from my xah at times.....i just ride it out, let myself feel it, and thank god that i'm not where i used to be and be so grateful that i am where i am today.
big hugs to you
jeri
i just kept my mouth shut. none of my business. it belongs to him.
now before i got into recovery, i would have corrected him right in front of the electrician and put all the cards on the table.
now i know just to mind my own business.
it just doesn't make sense, and it's not my job to make sense out of his deceptions.
he also told someone that i owned one of the properties i manage!
i quit trying to figure it out a long time ago.
done.....those moments will happen, i would imagine.
i'm a co-dependant, and i have them, too. i want to go back for a "fix" from my xah at times.....i just ride it out, let myself feel it, and thank god that i'm not where i used to be and be so grateful that i am where i am today.
big hugs to you
jeri
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I have known lying addicts and I have known people who were addicted to nothing who just lied a lot.
Personally, I think lying becomes a habit. One fellow worked for me and he would lie about what he had for breakfast.. about what time he went to bed.. about where he bought gas.. I do not believe this young man could string together 6 sentences and have 1/2 of them be the truth. He was a good worker but he seemed to be a pathological liar (if such a thing exists).
My alcoholic husband did not lie. He just did not. He sure did drink.
My XABF was a masterful liar. I think he got so used to lying he just could not tell the truth. Of course, he is also an addict and has been in active addiction for 40 years, so there are no suprises with him. I am not sure he could find recovery let alone the truth.
FWIW DWI, I have 4 cats who have been thru it all with me.. and they have helped me find my codie recovery path. The amount of love we have for them (and they have for us) is amazing. I am glad you got your cat to the vet and he pulled thru and if your cat was part of what lead you to recovery, you are not alone. Mine did as well (but in a different way.. they lead me with their unconditional love).
Personally, I think lying becomes a habit. One fellow worked for me and he would lie about what he had for breakfast.. about what time he went to bed.. about where he bought gas.. I do not believe this young man could string together 6 sentences and have 1/2 of them be the truth. He was a good worker but he seemed to be a pathological liar (if such a thing exists).
My alcoholic husband did not lie. He just did not. He sure did drink.
My XABF was a masterful liar. I think he got so used to lying he just could not tell the truth. Of course, he is also an addict and has been in active addiction for 40 years, so there are no suprises with him. I am not sure he could find recovery let alone the truth.
FWIW DWI, I have 4 cats who have been thru it all with me.. and they have helped me find my codie recovery path. The amount of love we have for them (and they have for us) is amazing. I am glad you got your cat to the vet and he pulled thru and if your cat was part of what lead you to recovery, you are not alone. Mine did as well (but in a different way.. they lead me with their unconditional love).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i do not ask my son anything because i know if i did & he did not want to answer he would lie. he quit lying to me when i turned him over to my H.P.. very light conversation with me & him. i am sure your mom forgives you today for all you did .i am proud of u.hugs,
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by embraced2000
.i just ride it out, let myself feel it, and thank god that i'm not where i used to be and be so grateful that i am where i am today.
So much of my recovery from the past to not using, has to do with that part right that.
"I just ride it and, let myself feel it, ...... etc."
That gets me through almost everything, for so long I wasn't able to do that.
Yesterday wasn't easy remembering that part of me, or knowing that I have
it 'in me' to do something like that,, part of me wants to hide from that,
but like you said, ride it out, feel it, and keep going....... Forward..
Originally Posted by embraced2000
big hugs to you
jeri
jeri
back at ya!
Last edited by DesertEyes; 11-10-2007 at 07:27 PM. Reason: fixed broken quote
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Elana
I have known lying addicts and I have known people who were addicted to nothing who just lied a lot.
Personally, I think lying becomes a habit. One fellow worked for me and he would lie about what he had for breakfast.. about what time he went to bed.. about where he bought gas.. I do not believe this young man could string together 6 sentences and have 1/2 of them be the truth. He was a good worker but he seemed to be a pathological liar (if such a thing exists).
My alcoholic husband did not lie. He just did not. He sure did drink.
My XABF was a masterful liar. I think he got so used to lying he just could not tell the truth. Of course, he is also an addict and has been in active addiction for 40 years, so there are no suprises with him. I am not sure he could find recovery let alone the truth.
FWIW DWI, I have 4 cats who have been thru it all with me.. and they have helped me find my codie recovery path. The amount of love we have for them (and they have for us) is amazing. I am glad you got your cat to the vet and he pulled thru and if your cat was part of what lead you to recovery, you are not alone. Mine did as well (but in a different way.. they lead me with their unconditional love).
Personally, I think lying becomes a habit. One fellow worked for me and he would lie about what he had for breakfast.. about what time he went to bed.. about where he bought gas.. I do not believe this young man could string together 6 sentences and have 1/2 of them be the truth. He was a good worker but he seemed to be a pathological liar (if such a thing exists).
My alcoholic husband did not lie. He just did not. He sure did drink.
My XABF was a masterful liar. I think he got so used to lying he just could not tell the truth. Of course, he is also an addict and has been in active addiction for 40 years, so there are no suprises with him. I am not sure he could find recovery let alone the truth.
FWIW DWI, I have 4 cats who have been thru it all with me.. and they have helped me find my codie recovery path. The amount of love we have for them (and they have for us) is amazing. I am glad you got your cat to the vet and he pulled thru and if your cat was part of what lead you to recovery, you are not alone. Mine did as well (but in a different way.. they lead me with their unconditional love).
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Just like Clinton... Why did you do it? (because he could)
Because I can and that is what alcoholics and addicts do.
I hear say that some fishermen do it as well.
No really...that fish I caught was HUGE. It was as long as my arm (and as I grew older the fish grew) Well my arm grew also *LOL*
Because I can and that is what alcoholics and addicts do.
I hear say that some fishermen do it as well.
No really...that fish I caught was HUGE. It was as long as my arm (and as I grew older the fish grew) Well my arm grew also *LOL*
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ha ha ha best! now, that was funny. big ole arm, big ole fish, huh? so sorry that you now have arms so long that your knuckles may drag the ground! and all because of that ole big fish.....lol
thanks for the chuckle.
jeri
thanks for the chuckle.
jeri
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Why do "They" lie? Same reason "we" lie.
Mostly because it is faster.
She said...
I am going to Susies... then went to her dealer.
I said...
I am going to the store... then followed her to her dealer.
She said...
I could be lying right now!
I said...
I can ALWAYS tell when you are lying!
She said...
Never again! I promise. I swear to God. I swear on your grave!
I said...
Never again! I promise! I swear!
We are so much alike. We both are working on "living amends". Our love does not end the addiction, but it truly is greater than our addictions.
((((Done)))) Keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing. That is a living amends.
((((BigHug))))
Mostly because it is faster.
She said...
I am going to Susies... then went to her dealer.
I said...
I am going to the store... then followed her to her dealer.
She said...
I could be lying right now!
I said...
I can ALWAYS tell when you are lying!
She said...
Never again! I promise. I swear to God. I swear on your grave!
I said...
Never again! I promise! I swear!
We are so much alike. We both are working on "living amends". Our love does not end the addiction, but it truly is greater than our addictions.
((((Done)))) Keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing. That is a living amends.
((((BigHug))))
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