little_miss

hey all. i'm super new here, just registered like 2minutes ago. i'm 21 and in college. my mom has been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember. she's been in and out of AA and been sober then not, sober then not, for my entire life. recently (since like march) she's gotten the idea that she can drink and not be an alcoholic, said that she didn't need AA anymore, stopped going to her therapist, etc.

my mom and i have always been close. she is quite honestly my best friend. however these last couple months, well, when she drinks she just gets wicked. she doesn't do the "normal" drunk thing, she will tear into you with everything she has. so i've been going though some difficult things these past couple months (including breaking up with my boyfriend who was my "first love") and since my family and i are close, it obviously effected them too. and so she drinks. and then she just lets me have it. i mean i honestly have never been this hurt in my life. every mistake i've made, every less then wonderful moment, she tears into me. it would be better if she just slapped me. i wouldn't hurt this much.

so tonight it got really ugly. i got in a fight with my younger brother and called my mom to vent (like i said, she really is like my best friend). i live at college, but i'm home for the weekend. in retrospect, the fight w/ my brother was really stupid. my doc just switched my birth control pill so my emotions are a bit scattered. anyway, i talked to my mom earlier today about it and we had a good convo. so then her and my dad went out to dinner and came back and my dad was obviously drunk but my mom seemed fine. so i started talking to her and was saying wow i know that the thing this morning w/ my brother isn't a big deal but i'm still upset (going to have a convo w/ her about my birth control pill and talk about when the side effects where going to go away) and she lost it. i didn't realize she had that much to drink. started to say how ungrateful i was. what a bitch i'm being. so on and so forth. i really hate confrontation, so i just started to walk up stairs to go to my room and she just got to me so much that I just looked at her and said "have another drink mom." walked upstairs and went to my room. then she came in and wouldn't leave my room. kept yelling, saying how horrible i am. that i screwed up our family. that i shouldn't come home anymore.

and now i'm sitting in my room, on my computer, writing this and i'm not even sure what i'm writing b/c i'm crying so much that the screen is all blurry.

i just don't know what to do. i don't know what to do tomorrow morning when we see each other. i just want to go back to school but my mom was supposed to bring me back and she said she wouldn't now so i don't know how i'm going to get back.

on top of all of this, she has to have surgery in two weeks. so i feel like i'm making everything worse and i'm scared that something is going to go wrong in surgery b/c this surgery is to fix a complication from another surgery where she almost died.

i don't know what to do. i just had to get that out.

Wascally Wabbit

Aw, honey, I know you're hurting. It is so hard to take when someone we love says mean hateful things to us.
Have you been to an alanon meeting? you will find many supportive people who will genuinely help you through all this. Do go the first chance you get. You dont' have to talk if you want, you can just listen. If you do want to talk, then you certianly can.
Getting things out, like posting here is a good way to vent. It keeps me from taking things out on others.
Pray for provision to get back to school and believe it will come.
Hold on, and keep coming back.

WhittenGirl

Little Miss,

You came to the right place. And good for you putting it down in black and white it gets it out.

My daughter went through the same thing with me and we went through therapy for us to figure some of it out. Bottom line is, that it is not your "mother" when she is drinking, it is the alcohol. That is not an excuse, it is just part of the disease. I would like to suggest that you go to an Alanon meeting they helped my daughter a great deal she is 24 years old and we have a wonderful relationship she is my best friend and I am very proud say that and be able to say that.

Hang in there and stick around there are alot of people here that will help you.

DesertEyes

Hey Little Miss, and welcome to Sober Recovery

I am so sorry that you are going thru all this insanity with your Mom. I can't even imagine how much it must hurt for her to go crazy on you like that. 'course, that's what booze does to people. My own parents were a lot like what you have described.

I found al-anon to be a huge help for me, you can find them in your phone book. In the bigger cities they have someone available 24/7. Give them a call so you have a real person on the phone that you can talk to. They also have wonderful meetings with lots of kind, caring people who have been where you are. See if there is one convenient to you tomorow.

Welcome again, I'm glad you found us.

Mike

Spiritual Seeker

Maybe you will need to finds ways to detach from your mom and learn to not feel responsible. If you stay at college more on the weekends and make friends that might be healthier some weekends. She has her life and you need to be free to detach as the college yrs. can be awesome. You have worried abt her for many yrs.
I have had to learn that I am not my mother's keeper. You sound like an amazing daughter. But maybe it is time to break away more and become independ. from the family. just a thought

SaTiT

My father tell me I'm the source of his unhappiness.
It use to confused me a bit...but not today.
Yeap..runing to the old room to escape from it all.

I have to be very, very careful , the things my father
say to me are very, very hurtful...they are not true..
neverless it still F with me and triggers a lot of emotions
and I take it to heart.

I've not only emotionally detach, I also had to mentally detach.
The man had contaminate my mind with his insanity. On top
of killing my spirit. I will never be good enough for him.
Probably because he never wanted me to begin with.
Yes..the truth slips out and I can read between the line.
I know why his unhappiness becuase I'm alive..because
I was never suppost to be born according to him.

But I'm not him...I'm a child of god and I deserve to be here.

Yes, get it out..let it all out

Ahimsa

Hi Little Miss,

Wow - I feel like I was reading one of my own posts when I read yours. We have so much in common, and on that note, here is a *hug* from you to me. I have been/am in your shoes, and I really feel for how much you're hurting right now. It's hard to feel like you are detaching from your best friend of 21 years. The up and down rollercoaster relationship just gets to be too much. Welcome to SoberRecovery, it's a wonderful place with so many wonderful people. I've been AWOL from the board for about 9 months now, and it feels so good to come back and share with such a great group. I hope you can find a shoulder to lean on here, and I hope you can start to work on your own recovery, even if those in your life aren't ready/willing to work on theirs. Best of luck....

Ahimsa

dmarie777

I am 52 years old, and right now listening once again to my drunk stepfather running his mouth to my mother. Daily I listen to it, and daily I ask why? Because my mom has health issues and needs assistance. My stepfather feels its more important to sit at the bar 8 hours a day instead of making sure my mom is alright. What he doesn't get is that he creates her constant stress and worry, he doesn't care, only about what he wants. Since I was 5 years old its been this way. My mother focuses so much attention and energy on him that me and brother and sister where left with none of her attention. I got pregant and left home at 14. I had to return here two years ago and its like reliving all those years over. I have worked and lived in recovery for quite sometime, and want to work with recoverying substance abusers. I am a college student and know the traits and behaviors and reasons people abuse drugs or alcohol, but once again my life and being are affected, and my mother won't leave him, and daily I have to listen to her complain about him. This day I needed to vent about it, I have no friends and pretty much stay to myself except for work and class. My whole family just accepts it and pretty much tells me deal with it. I keep quiet until he starts being a real SOB to my mom and then I'm in the middle. He has been aggressive but like I tell him I'm not that little kid, and I won't let it be and he needs to go for help with his Alcohol Problem. He doesn't been doing it for 40 plus years. I get angry because in my adult life I see the damage it has done to me and my mom and others. I would leave if I could can't my mother deserves more than he gives, so I vent. Thanks for listening. I have faith god will handle this.

Kialua

You've made a great step in looking up this forum. Read around here as much as you can to see that you are not alone and how other people survived and thrived.

Now is a good time to learn emotional detachment with your parents. This is so unfair for you to be emotionally abused at the whim of your mother.

Have you ever gone to Alanon or Alateen? Learning how this affects you and how to deal with alcoholism is crucial. I know it seems like a lot to take on when you are in crisis right now and in college.

When do you have to be back in school? Did/does your mom simmer down once she is not drinking? Can you find another ride back to school? Please don't let anything interrupt your college career. Have you considered telling your parents you won't come home if they are not sober? I have a friend who does that and goes home rarely but it is always an upset when he does go home.