love2store

well it has been a week since my husband has been in a program and today he got a day pass to see if he can join a half way house, he was happy to be out and on the road to recovery when he got there he called me to ask me if i would keep my fingers crossed for him so i did and he got into the half way house witch is good so now he will not be homeless but here is were my issue is he now needs $500.00 to move into this house, so i told him that i can not give it to him as he already put me in a hole from his outting in the whole month of oct, he said that he understands he will see what he can do to come up with the money, well he called his dad and asked him for the money and about 5min later his dads wife called me and asked me if i was going to give him the money i told her no that i'm in big enough hole as it is , her reply was well i'm not going to give it to i said well then dont she said well then he will be out on the streets i then got upset because this is the same lady who told me that i should kick him out she could never live with a abuuser. so when i heard that i got upset because at no point has she ever asked me how the kids are or even how i was doing.

I guess what i'm confussed about is do i give him the money so that he can help him self or do i not and let him be homeless? it's been over a week and i have not seen him. And for the first time in a long time i feel good maybe it's because i dont have to worry were he is or maybe it's because i dont have to try and control a 38year old man anymore.

please any advise is helpfull.

wildbucky13

The hardest thing I ever did was to let my husband go. He was homeless, living out of his car, then on the streets when he lent the car out to his dealers and they didn't return it.
I understand the confusion you're feeling, it's a hard place to be. I did what was best for me... I let him suffer the consequences for his actions, but it hurt to watch. And if something had happened to him in that time, I may not have been able to live with my choice. Do what you feel is best for you. I trusted my AH to my HP to keep safe, even when I was so angry and full of hate, I prayed for his safety and recovery. And that helped me.
I'm sorry I have no good advice. I hope you find a resolution.

mooselips

(((love2store)))
I don't think anyone can give you an answer, it's something you have to decide. Whatever you are comfortable doing. Or if you don't have it to give to him, that answers the question right there.

When my youngest moved to a halfway house, I said I would help him for 2 months, on the condition he kept going to meetings, and working a program. As soon as he moved into the halfway house, it was required of him to find a job, which he did.

I only ended up helping him for 1 month, because he didn't stay, he wasn't ready for sobriety then.

You do what you feel best doing, okay?

Hugs,

kelsh

I had a nephew that went from a one year sentence of in-patient drug and alcohol treatment to a halfway house. He had a job and made his way fine. He stayed two years in the halfway house and then got his original job back and has started buying a house. He has done really well. :atv

It was so hard on my SIL though because she had to have my nephew arrested for cashing her payroll check and spending all the money on drugs. She loved her son enough to do this and they have a special relationship now. :comfort

He is very proud of what he has acomplished and really lets me know it loud and clear. He and I have had some serious talks about alcoholism, my brother (his Dad) and my alcoholism.

kelsh

kj21

thats a tugh choice for you to make. what does your gut say to do. If he knows he can call on you to help him he may just keep doing that. But...he may just really need your help now. I would say do not go into debt for him. I think his family should be helping him find a way not you, you have kids to raise....Just my two cents.
My prayers to you and your family.

nytepassion

A tough situation indeed ... but

"IF" you do fork over the 500 dollars ... I wouldn't hand it to him, but rather pay it to the house so you can be sure your money goes where it is intended to go


******{hugs}}}}}
Passion

MeggieStar

It is up to you, but my opinion is I would not give him the money, esp. when you already said no. Don't be guilted by his stepmom or whomever.

Sometimes the state can help out with money or places for addicts to live. He could also try the Salvation Army which is a free inpatient program. It should be up to HIM to find this money, not you. If he ends on the street, that is sad but will probably motivate him more to find help than if you just hand it to him.

Either way, you should protect yourself and have no expectations of him, even if you do give him money.

hugs...

hope213

no advise. i think this is something you should decided. i do think he should be the one trying to figure out what to do. was he only in rehab a week? maybe he can go in to one that is longer term.prayers,

BigSis

You told him no - and your reasons are good ones. Putting you and the kids first is the right thing to do.

This is HIS consequence for HIS actions. There are ways to get the money together... the guys at the rehab can help him, as well as the guys in the halfway house. There are others who get in without tapping out friends and family.

Give him the dignity of figuring this out for himself... it will be an opportunity for him to grow up and take care of himself.


(((hugs))))


PS... you might want to avoid calls from the parents - they do not sound very supportive of you and the kids.

Bonichickadee

Even after I had given my AD money for places to live she is still homeless and I am out the money but have learned my lesson the hard way. She let herself be homeless with the choices she made. Hugs to you in making this hard decision!

laurie6781

Well if cannot work out a payment plan with the half way house, then he will be.......there is always Salvation Army.

The choice is yours, however, this is HIS RESPONSIBILITY, he got himself where he is now and he has to GET HIMSELF OUT FROM UNDER.

I personally would not give him the money.

J M H O

Love and hugs,