Detaching vs Care Giving
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Nearby
Posts: 231
Detaching vs Care Giving
Looking for some guidance. I have an elderly (80) never married sister in law who takes a ton of psychiatric meds, 4 to be exact and since she doesn't take them according to directions I guess that qualifies as abuse.
Anyway, she was complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath and I called 911 and had her taken to the hospital, pretty much against her will. I had to really negotiate with the ambulance driver to get him to take her with her screaming that she didn't want to go. Two transfusions and a bucket of iv's later, I took her home today.
Long story short, she has virtually no short term memory and I'm worried about an accidental overdose. I tried to talk to her about using one of those little day of the week boxes and us laying out her meds and she started yelling at me. I told her she would not speak to me that way. A few minutes later she started from the beginning again having forgotten we'd just been over this and started yelling. I told her good-bye and to call her brother if she needed something.
Now I'm trying not to feel guilty. Was this a boundary or was this just being mean?
Anyway, she was complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath and I called 911 and had her taken to the hospital, pretty much against her will. I had to really negotiate with the ambulance driver to get him to take her with her screaming that she didn't want to go. Two transfusions and a bucket of iv's later, I took her home today.
Long story short, she has virtually no short term memory and I'm worried about an accidental overdose. I tried to talk to her about using one of those little day of the week boxes and us laying out her meds and she started yelling at me. I told her she would not speak to me that way. A few minutes later she started from the beginning again having forgotten we'd just been over this and started yelling. I told her good-bye and to call her brother if she needed something.
Now I'm trying not to feel guilty. Was this a boundary or was this just being mean?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Auckland, new Zealand
Posts: 93
Fed up maybe? I have a good friend that would overdose some of her meds to sleep better, little did she know that she was just making her condition worse. Im sure in your country (as in New Zealand here) you can go to the pharmacy that makes up her pills and get them put into the little blister packs. Basically she opens one at morning/ night (whenever she is meant to take them) and all the pills are in the blister packs ready, so she doesnt even have to think about what she is meant to take, just which blister pack to open. Here it cost an extra $10 to get a whole months supply ready made.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Easeful,
I think that regardless of the circumstances, we have the right to step back when we feel we have been emotionally violated.
It sounds like your SIL needs care that far exceeds what you are able (and at times willing) to offer.
You may want to let her doctor know that she is having trouble dosing herself, or perhaps a senoir center can give you help.
She may be at an age that assisted living would greatly inprove her quality of life.
(((Hugs))))
Cece
I think that regardless of the circumstances, we have the right to step back when we feel we have been emotionally violated.
It sounds like your SIL needs care that far exceeds what you are able (and at times willing) to offer.
You may want to let her doctor know that she is having trouble dosing herself, or perhaps a senoir center can give you help.
She may be at an age that assisted living would greatly inprove her quality of life.
(((Hugs))))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
I agree with Cece,
Many Elderly have medications from years past and even forget what they were for. They also think if one pill helps two would be better. Psychiatric meds are very dangerous and usally the Elderly do not need as big a dose as when younger, to do the same thing.
Assisted living is a very good idea but here we are with a lady set in her ways, and wanting to continue to be independent so probably would not agree to moving.
Some of the Elderly like the idea of assisted living and most things provided for them. Others consider it a loss of freedom. I worked with the Elderly that still lived in their own homes. I usually helped them with grief, depression, or behavior problems due to alcohol abuse or Alzheimers's type behaviors. I loved being able to help them and they valued the service.
They are a growing population and meeting their needs is very important. We have a lot of Assisted Living Homes in our county. Only the very ill needing 24 hour care are in our nursing homes now. We have a transportation program to take them to appointments and shopping and meals on wheels for those qualified. We have Home Health Nurses that go into their homes to treat them and keep their condition up-dated with their doctors. We have Senior Centers where they serve meals four days a week at noon. There are also caregiver services that work with the Elderly to help them with cleaning, cooking, and personal care.
For a small rural community, we have a lot of very necessary services for the Elderly and Disabled. It is so important since people are living much longer these days.
Many Elderly have medications from years past and even forget what they were for. They also think if one pill helps two would be better. Psychiatric meds are very dangerous and usally the Elderly do not need as big a dose as when younger, to do the same thing.
Assisted living is a very good idea but here we are with a lady set in her ways, and wanting to continue to be independent so probably would not agree to moving.
Some of the Elderly like the idea of assisted living and most things provided for them. Others consider it a loss of freedom. I worked with the Elderly that still lived in their own homes. I usually helped them with grief, depression, or behavior problems due to alcohol abuse or Alzheimers's type behaviors. I loved being able to help them and they valued the service.
They are a growing population and meeting their needs is very important. We have a lot of Assisted Living Homes in our county. Only the very ill needing 24 hour care are in our nursing homes now. We have a transportation program to take them to appointments and shopping and meals on wheels for those qualified. We have Home Health Nurses that go into their homes to treat them and keep their condition up-dated with their doctors. We have Senior Centers where they serve meals four days a week at noon. There are also caregiver services that work with the Elderly to help them with cleaning, cooking, and personal care.
For a small rural community, we have a lot of very necessary services for the Elderly and Disabled. It is so important since people are living much longer these days.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
sounds like dementia to me. my mom has been in a nursing home for two years now because of it.
Her symptoms all started after a few mini strokes, and she went into the nursing home because she thought I was the CIA holding her against her will (all the time) she ran away on us a few times (did I mention shes blind) how she got 3 blocks away without getting hit by a car just floors me.
Mom can tell you her service number (she was in the navy) but she can't tell you what day it is or where she is for that matter.
oh sorry I'm going on and on but this is yet another one of y things I deal with lol.
Her symptoms all started after a few mini strokes, and she went into the nursing home because she thought I was the CIA holding her against her will (all the time) she ran away on us a few times (did I mention shes blind) how she got 3 blocks away without getting hit by a car just floors me.
Mom can tell you her service number (she was in the navy) but she can't tell you what day it is or where she is for that matter.
oh sorry I'm going on and on but this is yet another one of y things I deal with lol.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Perhaps it is time to talk to her doctor about getting her some supervision/addional care. It is not likely to be with her blessing... but when folks (finally) find a way to do this, I am always amazed at how "calm" they elderly person becomes... regular food, regular sleep and regular meds - can make a huge difference.
((hugs))
((hugs))
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Easeful)))
Hopefully, you have some other family members to give you additional support in any decisions you need to make for your SIL's safety.
It does seem like she needs supervision, perhaps not for her daily care, but for taking those medications correctly.
I agreewith BigSis, a talk with a Social worker from the hospital she was recently in, or her family Dr. would be a good place to start.
Hugs,
Hopefully, you have some other family members to give you additional support in any decisions you need to make for your SIL's safety.
It does seem like she needs supervision, perhaps not for her daily care, but for taking those medications correctly.
I agreewith BigSis, a talk with a Social worker from the hospital she was recently in, or her family Dr. would be a good place to start.
Hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Nearby
Posts: 231
Thanks for the input. We're working through the hospital social worker, but at this point there doesn't seem to be much happening. She was very ill while she was in the hospital and didn't cause many problems.
On a more positive note, my sil has called 911 twice since Fri. to get the police to protect her fom me (I last had contact with her at noon on Fri.) I'm hopeful that at some point the police will take action, hopefully taking her somewhere for observation.
She's left about a dozen screeching screaming messages on my voice mail. Several between 3 & 4:00 am. I'm saving them in case we ever get in front of a judge for a competency hearing.
She's obviously deeply troubled. But at this point I'm holding my line, if I'm going to help, she's not going to be abusing me.
In an amazing irony, I'm an acoa, with an addict child and with my own alcholic history. I live 45 minutes from my sil. But this episode has driven me to look for an al-anon meeting in the area (we've just lived here a year). And so, even though I live 45 minutes from her, the closest meeting to me is one block from her house.
Coincidence? lol
On a more positive note, my sil has called 911 twice since Fri. to get the police to protect her fom me (I last had contact with her at noon on Fri.) I'm hopeful that at some point the police will take action, hopefully taking her somewhere for observation.
She's left about a dozen screeching screaming messages on my voice mail. Several between 3 & 4:00 am. I'm saving them in case we ever get in front of a judge for a competency hearing.
She's obviously deeply troubled. But at this point I'm holding my line, if I'm going to help, she's not going to be abusing me.
In an amazing irony, I'm an acoa, with an addict child and with my own alcholic history. I live 45 minutes from my sil. But this episode has driven me to look for an al-anon meeting in the area (we've just lived here a year). And so, even though I live 45 minutes from her, the closest meeting to me is one block from her house.
Coincidence? lol
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