marle

She is 35. Well past the time to take care of herself. She can do it. She just has to be willing. As long as someone is willing to bail her out, then she will continue to do what she is doing. My daughter is 21. She may well be an addict when she is 35, but it won't be because I have helped her. Hugs to you and the biggest advice that I can give you is to give up the guilt, take care of yourself and let her do the same. If the calls seeking pity bother you, it is okay to tell her that you love her, hope that she finds her way, but you don't feel comfortable dealing with her problems. Addicts have to be willing to help themselves and when you hear the same story again and again, you know that they are not. Marle

Hangin' In

Hey Boni,

I'm another mom of an addicted daughter. She's sober today, thank God, and we take it one day at a time, both of us. Just wanted to tell you that to give you hope.

Now regarding what you can say. I have good sentences/phrases written down in the back of my Al Anon "One Day at a Time" book and kept it near the phone when my daughter called. Here's a few you might could use:

1. I'm always willing to do what is in your best interest and I just don't think this is in your best interest. (Stops them dead in their tracks when they are trying to guilt you into giving them $.)

2. Sounds like you're having a bad day.

3. That may work for you but it doesn't work for me.

4. Oh, honey, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

And I learned this from a 1st grade teacher who said she was so tired of listening to a little 1st grader whine and whine about something. She finally just looked at him and said, "Bummer!". That one word fit perfectly when my AD called whining and being the victim.

If you haven't tried Al Anon meetings, I'd suggest you try to find one and attend some. They have helped me tremendously.

Hugs from this mom to you,
Hangin' In

rahsue

another mom of an addict here sending you hugs and prayers