Just Discovered this forum...thanks to all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
I am overwhelmed by the wonderful support I have received in such a short time. Having spent the last two hours reading all the stories of despaire and hope, I realize this is the site I needed to find two years ago. Thanks to everyone for your support and kindness.
I will continue to post not only my own feelings, but anything that I can do to help others.
There's so much I want to do for my son, but it is wearing me out emotionally and financially. I need my own life to enjoy with friends and family.
I will continue to post not only my own feelings, but anything that I can do to help others.
There's so much I want to do for my son, but it is wearing me out emotionally and financially. I need my own life to enjoy with friends and family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
GuyWithPie.....I'm glad to hear about your daugher and grandson. I've been tempted to take a month off from work, using a Family Leave, to do just what your doing with your daughter. But I don't think it will work. My son has always disappointed me as I've tried to help him. But as a loving parent, I want to fix what ails him. It is a struggle.
Your daughter is lucky to have you in her life.
Your daughter is lucky to have you in her life.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Welcome hurting dad,
I am the mother of a heroin addict. long story short, my son has been kicked out of the army, is now in his 3rd rehab, went through outpatient once, was on suboxone for I think 2 yrs. so with all that being said, welcome to the wonderful world of addiction.
You will meet so many very helpful and supportive people here it will knock your socks off.
I don't have the answers myself yet, you see I'm addicted to my addict so I have 12 steps to go through myself.
I can tell you this which helped me a great deal, you are not alone, not crazy for some of the thoughts you have, not a "schlup" for running after him and trying way too many times to save him. (theres more but you get the picture)
letting go and allowing him to help himself is THE hardest thing to do as a parent. I should be thrilled he's in rehab now but his job made him go not him so if the past tends to repeat itself, its not over on this end. But what needs to be over is OUR worry, OUR sickness if you will, We need to be able to live our life too.
So, welcome to the beginning of YOUR recovery.
I am the mother of a heroin addict. long story short, my son has been kicked out of the army, is now in his 3rd rehab, went through outpatient once, was on suboxone for I think 2 yrs. so with all that being said, welcome to the wonderful world of addiction.
You will meet so many very helpful and supportive people here it will knock your socks off.
I don't have the answers myself yet, you see I'm addicted to my addict so I have 12 steps to go through myself.
I can tell you this which helped me a great deal, you are not alone, not crazy for some of the thoughts you have, not a "schlup" for running after him and trying way too many times to save him. (theres more but you get the picture)
letting go and allowing him to help himself is THE hardest thing to do as a parent. I should be thrilled he's in rehab now but his job made him go not him so if the past tends to repeat itself, its not over on this end. But what needs to be over is OUR worry, OUR sickness if you will, We need to be able to live our life too.
So, welcome to the beginning of YOUR recovery.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hey Hurting Dad,
So glad you found SR. There is great support here, so I hope you'll stick around.
I am the mother of an addicted daughter who is sober today, by the grace of her HP and working a program one day at a time.
I tried EVERYTHING I knew to do. I tried to control her life, monitor her coming and going, check her calls, follow her around town, etc., and it only got worse. I also tried to tell her what to do. Do I even need to tell you how well that went over?
NONE of that worked.
When I finally reached my desperation point, I dropped my pride and attended my first Al Anon meeting. And I am so glad I did. I might add that Mr. Hangin' In went with me and we both still attend meetings twice a week. We do not miss meetings if we can help it. And why? Because we have learned a better way to live and I always feel better after my meetings. Just being able to share with other parents is worth the trip alone.
In Al Anon I've learned I have my life to live and I have to give my daughter the dignity to live hers, even if she is making choices that I think are horrible. It was only when I backed off, let her make her decisions and learn from the consequences did things begin to get better for her. It was very hard for both Mr. Hangin' and I, and for her, but we all eventually started getting better, slowly but surely.
I hope we'll see more of you around here. Just remember the only person you can change is you. Trying to police your son 24/7 will take the life out of you or at least it did me.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
So glad you found SR. There is great support here, so I hope you'll stick around.
I am the mother of an addicted daughter who is sober today, by the grace of her HP and working a program one day at a time.
I tried EVERYTHING I knew to do. I tried to control her life, monitor her coming and going, check her calls, follow her around town, etc., and it only got worse. I also tried to tell her what to do. Do I even need to tell you how well that went over?
NONE of that worked.When I finally reached my desperation point, I dropped my pride and attended my first Al Anon meeting. And I am so glad I did. I might add that Mr. Hangin' In went with me and we both still attend meetings twice a week. We do not miss meetings if we can help it. And why? Because we have learned a better way to live and I always feel better after my meetings. Just being able to share with other parents is worth the trip alone.
In Al Anon I've learned I have my life to live and I have to give my daughter the dignity to live hers, even if she is making choices that I think are horrible. It was only when I backed off, let her make her decisions and learn from the consequences did things begin to get better for her. It was very hard for both Mr. Hangin' and I, and for her, but we all eventually started getting better, slowly but surely.
I hope we'll see more of you around here. Just remember the only person you can change is you. Trying to police your son 24/7 will take the life out of you or at least it did me.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
I am so sorry to see yet another parent in this forum but I am so glad you came. I haven't been here long but the time that I have been here is priceless! I hope that you find the strength that you need to allow your son to help himself. This is the hardest thing to do and sit back and hope that they hit rock bottom before they realize this is thier chance at life and they are blowing it. I too tried many times to rescue my AD but to no avail.
Please keep coming back and posting whenever you need to. All of these people have helped me emensly!!
Please keep coming back and posting whenever you need to. All of these people have helped me emensly!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Welcome, and like the others, I am glad to meet you but sorry for the circumstances.
All I can add to what's been said above is to read, read, READ the stickies and posts here. You'll learn about hundreds of parents who have similar situations, and as they share their experience-strength-hope, you'll begin to understand how to detach with love and concentrate on living your own best life.
Many hugs,
Cats
All I can add to what's been said above is to read, read, READ the stickies and posts here. You'll learn about hundreds of parents who have similar situations, and as they share their experience-strength-hope, you'll begin to understand how to detach with love and concentrate on living your own best life.
Many hugs,
Cats
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Welcome Dad,
you are at the right place. People here can understand the pain and loss of control you are feeling. I have a 22 year old addicted son. I came here so full of stress, anxiety and despair, I was crazier than he was. Keep posting and Reading. We all care. It is a good step in the right direction for you .
you are at the right place. People here can understand the pain and loss of control you are feeling. I have a 22 year old addicted son. I came here so full of stress, anxiety and despair, I was crazier than he was. Keep posting and Reading. We all care. It is a good step in the right direction for you .
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