I need advice to help my husband
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: holmen, Wisconsin
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you just need to support him as best as you can. i learned that if an alchoholic is occupied then he doesnt drink. also by making cakes, the sugar reduces how much an alchoholic wants to drink.
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Originally Posted by rawr_x 
i learned that if an alchoholic is occupied then he doesnt drink. also by making cakes, the sugar reduces how much an alchoholic wants to drink.
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Originally Posted by rawr_x
you just need to support him as best as you can. i learned that if an alchoholic is occupied then he doesnt drink. also by making cakes, the sugar reduces how much an alchoholic wants to drink.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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also by making cakes, the sugar reduces how much an alchoholic wants to drink.
Well....in my relationship with XABF, I was the sweet tooth but despite my culinary concoctions usually I was the one eating them up. He preferred his alcohol.
if an alchoholic is occupied
Ummmmm.....maybe when the A is at work and knows that he'd better stay sober in order to keep his job but as soon as XABF was "free" it was back to the bottle. "I'm on vacation" was his excuse for drinking early in the day when we were travelling together. No matter what I planned for us to do as a way of keeping us occupied, he always managed to drink and if he couldn't drink he was edgy and irritable.
Croc....have you read Melody Beattie's "Co-dependent No More"? It will help you understand that you have no control over other people's choices. Your H chooses to drink.
ARL
Well....in my relationship with XABF, I was the sweet tooth but despite my culinary concoctions usually I was the one eating them up. He preferred his alcohol.
if an alchoholic is occupied
Ummmmm.....maybe when the A is at work and knows that he'd better stay sober in order to keep his job but as soon as XABF was "free" it was back to the bottle. "I'm on vacation" was his excuse for drinking early in the day when we were travelling together. No matter what I planned for us to do as a way of keeping us occupied, he always managed to drink and if he couldn't drink he was edgy and irritable.
Croc....have you read Melody Beattie's "Co-dependent No More"? It will help you understand that you have no control over other people's choices. Your H chooses to drink.
ARL
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
Dear Crocodile,
Hugs to you! Take care of yourself and your little ones. If he is passing out while watching them, this could be very dangerous. My husband used to pass out too while watching the kids. I only found out about this later, after I threw him out. Our little daughter was so scared thinking that nobody was there for her. She developed sleep problems... couldn't fall asleep... was scared... felt no one was there to protect her. Now, things are better. If she ever says that she is scared, I tell her that I am here and that she is safe. When I can't be here, I take them to daycare or I hire responsible babysitters to take care of them. Now, I don't feel guilty leaving them when I have to go to work, as I know they are well cared for.
Hugs to you! Take care of yourself and your little ones. If he is passing out while watching them, this could be very dangerous. My husband used to pass out too while watching the kids. I only found out about this later, after I threw him out. Our little daughter was so scared thinking that nobody was there for her. She developed sleep problems... couldn't fall asleep... was scared... felt no one was there to protect her. Now, things are better. If she ever says that she is scared, I tell her that I am here and that she is safe. When I can't be here, I take them to daycare or I hire responsible babysitters to take care of them. Now, I don't feel guilty leaving them when I have to go to work, as I know they are well cared for.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: nowhere, Wisconsin
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Easy easy now on rawr_x. She has a reason for saying what she has said. Her dad does very very well when extremely occupied. We have a great time and he remains sober if he stays busy.
As far as the sugary foods and cakes....she misunderstood. I was told by an AODA counselor that when he does quit to keep lots of sugary foods available for them because it has a similar effect on the body as alcohol does. I dont quite understand why, but that is what I was told.
She also went on to say that it is a rare occasion that anyone would go to an AA meeting and not find lots of sweets there (i.e. candy, cookies, cakes etc.).
I would not know...I have only been to 1 open AA meeting myself. We do attend alanon when we can (work schedules currently conflicting). We do the best we can for what we have to deal with.
btw....rawr_x is my daughter. We are trying to vent and learn together.
As far as the sugary foods and cakes....she misunderstood. I was told by an AODA counselor that when he does quit to keep lots of sugary foods available for them because it has a similar effect on the body as alcohol does. I dont quite understand why, but that is what I was told.
She also went on to say that it is a rare occasion that anyone would go to an AA meeting and not find lots of sweets there (i.e. candy, cookies, cakes etc.).
I would not know...I have only been to 1 open AA meeting myself. We do attend alanon when we can (work schedules currently conflicting). We do the best we can for what we have to deal with.
btw....rawr_x is my daughter. We are trying to vent and learn together.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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I am so sorry. I can tell you I have been there. My Ah passed out while watching the kids, I came home and there was a pizza burning to a crisp in the oven. I just can't imagine what could have happened!! I know with three kids you must feel overwhelmed and it must seem impossible to find time/babysitter and energy to go to alanon. Check their website, they do have meetings on line. I did find them helpful. I could put the kids to bed at night and get some nuturing for my soul.
Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I call it my Charlie Brown theory. Everytime Charlie Brown believes he is going to get to kick that football, and everytime it gets pulled away. I know you are thinking too, is it going to be this time? I am still thinking that, and we have been separated for a year. He didn't stop drinking right away, but he is now going to AA and has been sober for over 100 days. He has become a better father for our children and who knows what will happen. It ws only when i stopped trying to help(buying books, printing meeting schedules,dragging him to church) that he was able to help himself. I know that you want this more than anything, because you know every aspect of your life would be better if he would just quit. Its so funny he will tell me something his sponsor told him and how right he was, and its stuff I have been telling him for years. The only way that you can help him is to be different, and focus on yourself and children. I tried ever angle and it wasn't until I left him on his own did he get help. I was told he would go to AA evertime I threated to leave. He knew I would never leave, and one day, for my kids I did. Only when he realized that he couldnt "reel" me back in, did he try to help himself.
Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I call it my Charlie Brown theory. Everytime Charlie Brown believes he is going to get to kick that football, and everytime it gets pulled away. I know you are thinking too, is it going to be this time? I am still thinking that, and we have been separated for a year. He didn't stop drinking right away, but he is now going to AA and has been sober for over 100 days. He has become a better father for our children and who knows what will happen. It ws only when i stopped trying to help(buying books, printing meeting schedules,dragging him to church) that he was able to help himself. I know that you want this more than anything, because you know every aspect of your life would be better if he would just quit. Its so funny he will tell me something his sponsor told him and how right he was, and its stuff I have been telling him for years. The only way that you can help him is to be different, and focus on yourself and children. I tried ever angle and it wasn't until I left him on his own did he get help. I was told he would go to AA evertime I threated to leave. He knew I would never leave, and one day, for my kids I did. Only when he realized that he couldnt "reel" me back in, did he try to help himself.
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Originally Posted by loverof1
As far as the sugary foods and cakes....she misunderstood. I was told by an AODA counselor that when he does quit to keep lots of sugary foods available for them because it has a similar effect on the body as alcohol does. I dont quite understand why, but that is what I was told.
Alcohol (ethanol) is produced from pyruvate, the end-product of glycolysis, and some believe that people addicted to alcohol are likely to have problems converting glucose in the 10 step biochemical pathway to pyruvate. Alcohol is rapidly converted to ATP.
I learned a lot from our doctor, too.
Good luck!
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The whole sugar for alcohol business comes from the _early_ stages of withdrawl. During that time the blood glucose levels in an alcoholic body fluctuate far more than in a normal person. The _ocassional_ candy item will help bring _up_ blood glucose that is too low.
Once the blood glucose levels have normalized, then there is no further need for "candy boosts". As denny pointed out, a lot of people will have other medical issues that need to be looked at by a doctor, and still other people will "trigger" from the sugar high and get alcohol cravings.
The short answer is that medical questions _must_ be answered by a doctor. We cannot diagnose people over the internet, and we cannot give medical advice either.
Mike
Once the blood glucose levels have normalized, then there is no further need for "candy boosts". As denny pointed out, a lot of people will have other medical issues that need to be looked at by a doctor, and still other people will "trigger" from the sugar high and get alcohol cravings.
The short answer is that medical questions _must_ be answered by a doctor. We cannot diagnose people over the internet, and we cannot give medical advice either.
Mike
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