I don't understand..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 4
Hi Jaimie,
Be strong and be careful. It is a good idea to always keep a healthy balance. Usually placing someone or being placed on a 'pedestal' is not healthy. Most of us aren't perfect. Should you become comfortable and happy in being your mom's favorite, when you fall off the pedestal, it will be a difficult and emotional for you. It sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster most of your life, keep a safe distance from your mom.
My advice is to find balance, don't let your mom place you above your sisters. We are all equal, try to love everyone equally. Also be fair to yourself and distance yourself when needed.
Your mom expects love and respect eventhough she is not perfect, shouldn't she offer your sisters the same courtesy? Maybe that is part of why you are angry? It is a big step for your little sister to be clean and trying to make good decisions. You can't control your mom's behavior, yelling at her would just cause stress. Try to teach your sister unconditional love by example, not by trying to control your mom's actions.
I am happy for you and your little sister. Keep up the good work in college...
I hope this helps a little?!
XOXOX
Be strong and be careful. It is a good idea to always keep a healthy balance. Usually placing someone or being placed on a 'pedestal' is not healthy. Most of us aren't perfect. Should you become comfortable and happy in being your mom's favorite, when you fall off the pedestal, it will be a difficult and emotional for you. It sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster most of your life, keep a safe distance from your mom.
My advice is to find balance, don't let your mom place you above your sisters. We are all equal, try to love everyone equally. Also be fair to yourself and distance yourself when needed.
Your mom expects love and respect eventhough she is not perfect, shouldn't she offer your sisters the same courtesy? Maybe that is part of why you are angry? It is a big step for your little sister to be clean and trying to make good decisions. You can't control your mom's behavior, yelling at her would just cause stress. Try to teach your sister unconditional love by example, not by trying to control your mom's actions.
I am happy for you and your little sister. Keep up the good work in college...
I hope this helps a little?!
XOXOX
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Mountain West
Posts: 96
Hi 
I haven't been to an al-anon meeting in about 9 months, and I am also a little nervous about going back...I just moved to a different area and I'm not familiar with any of the meetings here. If you want to pick a day we can both go, I'll go too...tackle our fear together I really liked the ACOA meeting in my old town, and would like to try one of them here. And welcome to SR, it's a *great* place.
I haven't been to an al-anon meeting in about 9 months, and I am also a little nervous about going back...I just moved to a different area and I'm not familiar with any of the meetings here. If you want to pick a day we can both go, I'll go too...tackle our fear together I really liked the ACOA meeting in my old town, and would like to try one of them here. And welcome to SR, it's a *great* place.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
Classic dysfunctional alcoholic family, Jaime. I'm sorry you have to live with that.
Your college probably has its own chapters of AA and AlAnon on campus, as well as mental health counselors (not just the career counselors and what class do I take counselors). Take advantage of all that! and look for an ACOA meeting too, it's a different take on Al Anon issues specific to people who were raised by parents disabled by alcoholism or similar dysfunctions.
Get off the pedestal. You're going to fall, it's only a matter of time, and it's going to hurt. No one should be on a pedestal. Your mom is playing Divide and Conquer with you three. Don't play. You do have a right to be mad at her, even if she's currently being nice to you. She wasn't before, and she wont' always be in the future. People do change but ... not that much that quickly. She caused a lot of pain and damage when you were little and that's not going to go away just because now she's trying to be nice. Here's something I've learned over the years - alcoholics can't keep it up. They can pretend to be sober, and normal, and considerate, and responsible, and nice and all that, but they can't keep it up. It's just a character they're playing. No one can stay 'in character' forever. My alcoholic ex husband was a drama major in college - go figure! boy could he play a character. He played a responsible business man and husband for a few years but that's as long as he could keep it up. Then the real him came out - the alcoholic. It's inevitable until they get into recovery, and you can't help there.
Here's two steps to growing up that you should look at doing. One, is to both physically and emotionally separate from your parents. That means you don't need to talk to her every day. Sure you wanted it all your life, and you needed it when you were a little child, but you're trying to be an adult now. Adults stand on their own two feet, they don't lean on their parents. Emotionally too, not just physically and financially.
The other is to see your parents as the flawed imperfect human beings that they are. We all are, and parents are no different. You can now move beyond their limitations and imperfections.
Take full advantage of all the counseling your campus has to offer or can refer you to. Have no fear of going to an Al Anon meeting - just go and listen, and go to a few meetings, and see if you want to go back. You don't have to speak if you don't want to and usually first timers don't. No one's going to criticize you or put you on the spot! everyone there was once a fearful first timer.
Actually, I'm looking at moving cross state in a couple months, and I plan on using Al Anon as soon as I land in a new town to meet people and make connections. I'm terrible at making friends, and it's a lot harder for adults than it is for college students, but Al Anon means instant connections.
Your college probably has its own chapters of AA and AlAnon on campus, as well as mental health counselors (not just the career counselors and what class do I take counselors). Take advantage of all that! and look for an ACOA meeting too, it's a different take on Al Anon issues specific to people who were raised by parents disabled by alcoholism or similar dysfunctions.
Get off the pedestal. You're going to fall, it's only a matter of time, and it's going to hurt. No one should be on a pedestal. Your mom is playing Divide and Conquer with you three. Don't play. You do have a right to be mad at her, even if she's currently being nice to you. She wasn't before, and she wont' always be in the future. People do change but ... not that much that quickly. She caused a lot of pain and damage when you were little and that's not going to go away just because now she's trying to be nice. Here's something I've learned over the years - alcoholics can't keep it up. They can pretend to be sober, and normal, and considerate, and responsible, and nice and all that, but they can't keep it up. It's just a character they're playing. No one can stay 'in character' forever. My alcoholic ex husband was a drama major in college - go figure! boy could he play a character. He played a responsible business man and husband for a few years but that's as long as he could keep it up. Then the real him came out - the alcoholic. It's inevitable until they get into recovery, and you can't help there.
Here's two steps to growing up that you should look at doing. One, is to both physically and emotionally separate from your parents. That means you don't need to talk to her every day. Sure you wanted it all your life, and you needed it when you were a little child, but you're trying to be an adult now. Adults stand on their own two feet, they don't lean on their parents. Emotionally too, not just physically and financially.
The other is to see your parents as the flawed imperfect human beings that they are. We all are, and parents are no different. You can now move beyond their limitations and imperfections.
Take full advantage of all the counseling your campus has to offer or can refer you to. Have no fear of going to an Al Anon meeting - just go and listen, and go to a few meetings, and see if you want to go back. You don't have to speak if you don't want to and usually first timers don't. No one's going to criticize you or put you on the spot! everyone there was once a fearful first timer.
Actually, I'm looking at moving cross state in a couple months, and I plan on using Al Anon as soon as I land in a new town to meet people and make connections. I'm terrible at making friends, and it's a lot harder for adults than it is for college students, but Al Anon means instant connections.
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