Drinking around A's
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by queenteree 
Harleygirl - I have read many of your posts and when my AH was in rehab in June, you helped me out immensely. I personally agree with you about not drinking in front on your A, and when my AH came out of rehab I did not drink at all in front of him or behind his back. I did not drink at all, period. I don't need to drink, and times I refer to when drinking are when we go to our upstate place and people drop by, social drinking at BBQ's, Christmas parties, etc. All social gatherings. When my AH was recovering and we were upstate, I had a rule that there was no alcohol there. Everyone respected and understood that. I had a BBQ at my house w/my kids and family and did not have alcohol. It all went fine. But AH relapsed anyway and has been drinking for TWO STRAIGHT MONTHS!!!! EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT!!!!! There are many, many people in this world who can have A DRINK or TWO, drink responsibly, have designated drivers, etc., and during social gatherings it is quite the norm. I feel now that just because AH has a problem w/alcohol, why should we all not have any. To me, to change everything that we do in our lives, in social situations, etc. to suit or out of respect for the A, makes it still all about the A in our life. When does it ever become about us???? I personally, after the past two months of hell that I have been through, refuse to now do anything out of "respect" for my active A. If and when he has respect for me, I'll show some back. In the meantime, I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it in my own home. Sounds like alcoholic thinking? You're damn right it does. And so be it (at least in my world).
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Hey Harleygirl - no you didn't "push a button, hit the nail on the head, strike a cord" Why? Were you trying to? I didn't think that's what this forum was about. I thought it was a "support" forum. I was merely thanking you for your helpful posts when my AH was in rehab, you truly gave me hope and your wisdom. I was further explaining to you my views on the subject of your posts (which I knew you specifically wrote for me!). And just for the record, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic (just in case you weren't aware of that fact!). Just remember, your A may be in recovery now, just as my A was for over 14 years, and also remember, you reap what you sew, so someday, if and when your A does relapse, and you get put through years of hell again (cause trust me, it will be worse second time around) you may actually reap what you have sewn in your messages toward me. And it will be then you will remember how unkind you truly are.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
It's a personal decision to be worked out between the two people and I don't think a judgment of disrespect should be attached to it.
I've said it before - I'm sure I've had a drink in front of many an alcoholic.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
I've said it before - I'm sure I've had a drink in front of many an alcoholic.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I was told by my own exA that i wasn't the one with the problem when i asked him if he minded if i had a drink with dinner. I've learned the hard way that the A isn't going to change their life for me so why should i have to alter my life for him. I also think i would have resentments if i did stop drinking totally because he couldn't drink.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by queenteree
Hey Harleygirl - no you didn't "push a button, hit the nail on the head, strike a cord" Why? Were you trying to? I didn't think that's what this forum was about. I thought it was a "support" forum. I was merely thanking you for your helpful posts when my AH was in rehab, you truly gave me hope and your wisdom. I was further explaining to you my views on the subject of your posts (which I knew you specifically wrote for me!). And just for the record, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic (just in case you weren't aware of that fact!). Just remember, your A may be in recovery now, just as my A was for over 14 years, and also remember, you reap what you sew, so someday, if and when your A does relapse, and you get put through years of hell again (cause trust me, it will be worse second time around) you may actually reap what you have sewn in your messages toward me. And it will be then you will remember how unkind you truly are.
Why do you think my post was directed at you? I am sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, but the world and everyones thoughts on this forum are not about you. It was a discussion at my Alanon meeting last week and thought I would get some input to take back with me this week.
This board is about compassion, learning, recovery for ourselves. I would NEVER wish loss of sobriety on anyone or their spouse. I have not sewn anything I am not willing to reap, can you say the same?
Why do you feel the need to attack me? I don't agree with some of the things you say and do, but I have stayed out of your posts for that reason. As far as this post being about you, honey I am sorry, you are just not that important to me.
I pray for you, pray you are able to work through the anger and resentment you are directing at me today. God Bless, and may you find peace in your heart.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by denny57
Everyone here is very important to me.
((()))
((()))
I am sorry she felt the post was directed at her, but that doesn't mean I have to sit back and let her wish relapse on my husband and years of hell for me.
I stay away from her posts because I am uncomfortable with them. If she is uncomfortable with me and my posts she should do the same.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Harleygirl - trust me, I will stay away from your posts cause you are truly righteous and judgmental and I did not wish relapse upon you or your husband. You are uncomfortable with my posts? Why? Did they push a button? Strike a cord? Oops, sorry I did not mean it that way. You're truly not that important to me either.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by queenteree
Harleygirl - trust me, I will stay away from your posts cause you are truly righteous and judgmental and I did not wish relapse upon you or your husband. You are uncomfortable with my posts? Why? Did they push a button? Strike a cord? Oops, sorry I did not mean it that way. You're truly not that important to me either.
I don't drink, have no desire to drink, have never seen one good thing come from drinking, but you keep right on with your one person crusade to be able to drink where you want, when you want, how much you want, be damed anyone else.
I didn't say it before just read and shook my head, but you brought it to the front burner.
Thank you for leaving my posts alone, I will reciprocate.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Back to the business at hand...geez.
I have found that some A's in recovery have no problem being around others drinking, and find that some have a difficult time with it. My husband is very uncomfortable around drinking, is aware of it, openly acknowledges it and avoids it at all costs.
Someone ask if we are suppose to change our lives because A can not drink, well if anyone else out there is like me, didn't we pray for their sobriety, dream of it, yearn for it. Well if we have been granted our prayer, why would be demand to continue drinking ourselves.
I guess it is really just me and I am out on a limb with my thinking, but geez I hate all that alcohol represents, all the losses it causes, lives, loves, etc. I see no good in it any more. Oh, trust me I have drank my share, I am not a saint, but I think maturity has made me realize there are more important things in life than sitting around drinking, even a social drink at a pub or bbq, is it really necessary?
I will get off my soap box, have caused enough problems with my questions and opinions for one day. I just wondered if anyone else felt that way or if it was just me. Looks like I stand alone in my views here and you know what, that's ok, they are my views and I can't change them just to be part of the majority.....lol
I have found that some A's in recovery have no problem being around others drinking, and find that some have a difficult time with it. My husband is very uncomfortable around drinking, is aware of it, openly acknowledges it and avoids it at all costs.
Someone ask if we are suppose to change our lives because A can not drink, well if anyone else out there is like me, didn't we pray for their sobriety, dream of it, yearn for it. Well if we have been granted our prayer, why would be demand to continue drinking ourselves.
I guess it is really just me and I am out on a limb with my thinking, but geez I hate all that alcohol represents, all the losses it causes, lives, loves, etc. I see no good in it any more. Oh, trust me I have drank my share, I am not a saint, but I think maturity has made me realize there are more important things in life than sitting around drinking, even a social drink at a pub or bbq, is it really necessary?
I will get off my soap box, have caused enough problems with my questions and opinions for one day. I just wondered if anyone else felt that way or if it was just me. Looks like I stand alone in my views here and you know what, that's ok, they are my views and I can't change them just to be part of the majority.....lol
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Originally Posted by harleygirl92156
To be honest, I am uncomfortable with your posts because I sense deception and red flags regarding YOUR drinking. No buttons pushed, not cords struck, just a sense I have about it.
I don't drink, have no desire to drink, have never seen one good thing come from drinking, but you keep right on with your one person crusade to be able to drink where you want, when you want, how much you want, be damed anyone else.
I didn't say it before just read and shook my head, but you brought it to the front burner.
Thank you for leaving my posts alone, I will reciprocate.
I don't drink, have no desire to drink, have never seen one good thing come from drinking, but you keep right on with your one person crusade to be able to drink where you want, when you want, how much you want, be damed anyone else.
I didn't say it before just read and shook my head, but you brought it to the front burner.
Thank you for leaving my posts alone, I will reciprocate.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
