fff

I know I'm kind of getting ahead of myself here with this question, but it's been on my mind....maybe someone here has been through a similar situation. If we end up getting divorced, I know AW will try to f*!& me and take everything she can. So if I end up getting custody of our 4 kids, will I also get the house? How does that usually work? Thanks! =)



ps. first al-alnon meeting is tonite!!!

Doug

Here in MI, you get the house if you owned it before the marriage. Anything acquired during the marriage, no matter how, is considered "joint stuff", and has to be split, or sold and the money split, or one side "buying out" the other side.

Might be different where you are.

I should add that a good lawyer will help to make sure the law(s) gets followed, and nobody gets taken advantage of.

Good luck, and enjoy your meeting.

(PS-I'm typing you a Private Message now, stay for a minute if you can)

Janitw

((((((((((fff))))))))))))))))

Doug is pretty much right there....I had 1 of the kids still living here at home when the final hearing came for me and I got both the homes we had. One of them I rec'd while we were married from inheritance but I had added his name to the deed in 1995. But in my case the magistrate overheard a nasty conversation between me and my ex and she pretty much made up her mind that my no good cheating XAH wasn't getting anything but the hooch andt he habit. BUT....I did have to prove to the court that I could afford this home and the payment and have my ex's name removed from the loan. I didn't even have to refi to do it..I just got a letter from my mortgage lender stating that they would be willing to remove him from our loan.

Barbara52

A divorce agreement can be whatever the couple agrees to really. In his first divorce, AH gave his ex their house even though he was entitled to half.

CatsPajamas

There is an article in our paper this morning about separating finances for a divorce. One hot topic is "who gets the house" and it reminds people that they often make an emotional decision when they should be making a more logical decision... many women desperately want the house for what it represents, and to not disrupt the children... but depending on the condition of the house and the earning potential of the woman having the house can be a tremendous financial burden. The article says to be SURE you don't base your decision on the amt of child support or alimony you might be getting, because if the person paying support falls behind in those payments, then you are up the creek, so to speak.

I let my ex have the house, and my kids and I moved to a nice apartment...and Ithought it was all a done deal. When he walked away from the house a few yrs later I found out it was still MY responsibility too! I had to borrow a significant amt of money to fix it up enough to sell it.

Just food for thought.

Janitw

My ex most definitely wanted the house sold and split but the magistrate had other ideas.....it does depend on who and what the judge decides as equitable....its not always 50-50 split. If the spouse walked away and abandoned their responsibility and obligation and alot of time has passed and the spouse who lives in the home has maintained a perfect pay history then the judge or magistrate will be inclined to award that spouse the home and in my opinion deserves it. It does help if when the appraisal is done that the house appraise out for as close to what is owed on the note rather than market value.....

Jazzman

You agree on what you agree on, the laws can be used as guidelines or ignored and battle it out between lawyers or ultimately in court and let the judge decide. Most settle before court. I live in VA and have been divorced twice, (didn't plan it that way... long story but anyway).

1st divorce there were no assets to fight over, only debt. I kept the house because I wanted to minimize the impact to the kids and I was in a slightly better financial position to give it a go. It was a stretch financially but it all worked out in the end. 1st divorce was amicable and the lawyers got next to nothing.

2nd divorce was different, lots of equity to fight over and she wanted 1/2. I purchased the house prior to our marriage w/ separate funds and the way the numbers worked out 90% of the equity was mine. I took out an equity loan to buy her out and she signed the PSA, waited to file then poof, divorced.

Lots of folks can't separate the emotion and after feeling wronged, think they will get justice. Well there's no justice and no satisfaction and no closure in a contested divorce, only the lawyers win.

Don't use your lawyer as a therapist at $400/hr, keep the conversation business like and brief, make a list of questions beforehand and write down the answers. Vent here for free. Save money by doing your own paralegal stuff, read up about the domestic laws of your state on the internet. Keep your focus on minimizing the impact on your kids. Don't bad mouth their mother no matter what.

Good luck

kelsh

Hi f,

When I got divorced in 1975 we did a "Do It Yourself Divorce" and my husband took over all of my medical debts and in return he kept the house. He had two sons from a previous marriage and our twelve year old daughter wanted to stay with her Dad rather than come with me. I had our six year old son with me.

My second divorce was much different. My husband was arrested for CSA and removed from the home. I didn't make enough money at my job to pay the house payments so he was court ordered to pay them, until the divorce was final, because he made three times what I made. He did not pay even one month...so after three months, the house was going to go into Foreclosure so my lawyer got another court order to allow me to sell the house before it was taken. It sold in six days and the money from the sale was divided between both of us. His share went to the back payments that had the property taxes included in the payment. I used my share to pay my lawyer and an outstanding bill that we had made together on our VISA card. This was in 1984 so there may be different laws now and of course each state is different regarding divorce. We don't have alimony here. We each got what we had brought into the marriage and divided what was aquired together.

Hope you can find out some more information to ease your mind.

kelsh

mushroom

All depends on your state's laws, and on what you two decide on, and on the judge's whim.

Nothing is automatic. Often I think the custodial spouse has a good shot at keeping the house too but it's not law.

Here in WA, we are a community property state. Not all states are. Here, if you had bought the house before marriage, then it is yours. It is not split in a divorce. If you bought it during marriage with joint funds, then it is community property and is subject to division in a divorce. It can be awarded to either spouse, or ordered sold and proceeds split. It's not an automatic 50-50 split in this state though, the law calls for 'equitable' rather than 'equal' division of property. That means that if you had paid the most towards the house, and had custody of the kids, then you could argue to keep it and not split it, or pay her only what she'd put in towards it. Here in WA, if you bought the house during marriage but paid for it entirely with separate funds (inheritance, or money saved from before marriage), then the house would be yours. On the other hand, if SHE bought it, then you're probably SOL even with custody of the kids.

You can see how complex it is, and it varies by state, and by situation, and by judge's whim.

Don't do this alone if there are children and real estate to divide. You should have a good lawyer. And don't expect to get your revenge on her through the division of the kids and house. If you go in to court angry and venting, you'll come off looking like the villain to the judge. However awful you might think her behavior has been, you chose to marry her and have kids with her and buy a house with her. We're none of us totally innocent victims in these relationships. All the judge is going to see is what you present in court so make it reasonable and rational.

8675309

My AH and I just had a conversation today about that very topic. He wanted to know what the house would sell for and split it 50/50. I had a realtor do some analysis on the house, sales... and in today's declining market we would take an $8200 loss to sell it. With that being said, I have asked my AH to sigh a quit claim deed so that I can assume the house and mortgage and keep our son in his home. He has stated that he will not do anything until the papers are served. Fortunately I will be able to financially make the payments although things will be very tight.

If you can have conversations about who will/should get the house before the courts decide, that would be in your best interest.

rawr_x

well it depends on who pays the bills. usually the lady gets the house