kglast

the title says it all..........i hurt when i am with him and i hurt when i am without him.........i am just so, so, sad...........i feel very weak and vulnerable right now......part of me just wants to go back to him.......but i know i shouldn't for so many reasons...i don't even know what i am trying to say - just getting my feelings out, i guess..........i know this will get better but right now it really sucks........

tollbooth

We are both at the same place at the same time kglast.:ghug3

Barbara52

Its not an easy thing to leave behind someone we care for even when we know its the best thing for both of us. You felt the need to leave to take care of yourself. Don't let yourself forget that. Maybe being on his own will lead him to doing what he needs to do for himself also.

hbb

k, i know those sad days, the ups and downs do suck. I've definately experienced alot of those over the past few weeks. But try to remember, like someone told me the other day, we need to be thankful that we have a second chance at life and to have a good one at that I know that doesn't fix the right now but it's just a bump in the road and it will pass soon.

Mair

(((()))) to you, this is the worst part, but it does get better, try to focus on why you left, keep busy. Time is a good healer.

Mair xxx

denny57

What are the reasons you should?

(((((kg))))

FormerDoormat

I agree with Barbara. It's not an easy thing to leave someone we love behind. But that doesn't mean we've stopped loving them. It means that we're learning how to love ourselves more.

rawr_x

just stay strong thats all you can really do.feel better

chero

Hey Friend, You are in my thoughts!!

((((KG))))

BayouSelf

I am so sorry you're having a difficult time....I remember all too well....the pain of missing them just sucks!!!! The only thing that kept me sane was getting to as many Alanon meetings as possible, reading the Alanon literature (over and over and over) and talking to people who have been through the same thing and lots and lots of prayer.....it does get better and it does get easier.....they say time heals all wounds and there is no truer statement....it just takes time and the pain is something that will lessen and happier days ahead.....just take care of you and be gentle with yourself. You're gonna be fine. I've been where you are and although it took me a really long time, I made it to the other side of the pain and life is GRAND over here. I will keep you in my prayers and sending you hugs!

mec

i am in the same boat... I miss my ABF... and I was talking to him every day to just keep in touch with him... but he has not been answering his phone so I know he is drinking again... and he knows that if I hear that he is drinking again that I would end it with him... I don't know for sure but this is what happens... he will not answer the phone... then when he gets done drinking he will call and expect me to be there for him... well this time I am not going to be... I am going to stick to my word...

but I understand that you are lonely because I am feeling the same way. Just want to hear his voice... and know that everything is going to be ok... but when down deep inside I know it is not going to be ok...

Rella927

Kglast Sorry that you are going through this. I remember feeling this way a long time ago-and I went back more than once-and everytime I did it was the same thing and the pain increased each time.

As Denny stated "What are the reasons you should?"

You know why you should not-

Be gentle to yourself you can love them but you do not have to be with them and deal with the pain.

mec

Yes Rella927 you are right... we can still love them but don't have to put up with the pain... and that is where I am right now... I do love him... just can't deal with the games... and the other things that I have had to deal with...

but How do you get on with your own life? that is where I am right now...

GiveLove

You're going through what an addict goes through. I've been there too....man, does it stink.

You crave your "drug" (him) and yet you're stuck between a rock and hard place: taking it hurts you. Not taking it hurts you.

What would you tell an addict to do?

Possibly: Tough it out. Gather all the help and support you can around you. Keep yourself busy with things that give you pleasure. Go to a meeting. Talk to someone (us, a counselor, a sponsor)

I doubt you'd suggest they go back to their drug just because quitting hurts too much....right?

I'm so sorry you hurt right now. It WILL get better if you keep going forward and not backward.


GL

mec

I know I am just going to have to not call him... and hope that he will not call me. But I know as soon as he stops drinking he will call... but I will have to not answer the phone and see how he likes it... I did go and get a part time night job so I am busy and not home... and it makes me feel better... but on the nights that I don't work I just sit home and mope... and wonder what he is doing...

Rella927

Live your own life......

Well what I do is go to Al-Anon meetings-I read, I go out with friends, I go to the gym 4 nights a week, I journal, I scrapbook. Live life the way you would before you even met him! I wake up happy now-and not with worry on what to expect from my XABF. I use to go through the day wondering what he would make my fault again-and wondering how angry he would be and what he would throw and break next in my home.

I live my life with people that embrace me for me and people that are not toxic to my well being! And wow what a feeling to feel free from chaos and drama and actually wake up and be able to hear the little birds chirping!

It takes some ground work Mec but you are on your way by just being here in SR...I found that my SR family,Al-Anon and Counseling and supportive friends/family have encouraged me and my recovery and I have been blessed to have my HP guiding me and giving me the strength and courage that I need to move on to a more happy and fulfilling life they way it was meant to be lived. Once I allowed my HP back into my life and I kept working on me and learning to love myself wow how things fall into place-

Sending you healing thoughts Mec

Rella927

Mec....maybe start another thread-
but IMHO try not to waste energy on when he will call/if he will stop drinking/ he has choices in his life-and he is drinking HIS CHOICE-

Not answering the phone when and if he calls should be a choice of yours because you do not want to talk to him but rather you want to move on with your life-it should not be a game! If you want to continue the game then that is your choice but IMHO not a very healthy way to live your life!

Stop wondering and maybe look into an Al-Anon meeting-


Sorry Kglast for the thread steal-