Kimm992

So I just got a phone call from the police station saying that my little brother (17) was just arrested for the SECOND time for selling marijuana AND that my dad was also arrested for the SECOND time selling heroin.

My dad is probably going to end up having to do major jail time and I'm so scared because I don't know what to do with my brother. He's too young to take care of himself and I don't have the money to raise a child right now....I'm only 27.

My grandparents are too old to have to deal with raising another child and there's nobody else.

I am so scared right now and so upset and I don't know who or where to turn to for answers. I just wish someone could tell me what I'm supposed to do and I know that nobody can.

splendra

(((Kimmy)))

I think maybe letting go of the worry for now may help to clear your mind up so you can think.

Maybe the system will handle your brother for a while. You may be able to to put him in a boot camp. There are endless possibilities as to what could happen...make sure you look for one that does not leave you on the short end of the stick..

Kimm992

Is it wrong for me to be worrying about myself? I feel like my brother is still a child and that I shouldn't desert him....but I'm so overwhelmed right now.

My boyfriend has gone to pick him up from jail and bring him here for the night. Tomorrow we will have to decide what to do with him.

Impurrfect

((((Kimmy)))))

I don't have advice, but sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

Amy

Ann

Kimmy, my heart and my prayers go out for you and your dad and brother.

When I don't know what to do, I say a big prayer and ask God to show me or lead the way, then trust that He will because he always does.

If you were not there, what would he do? There are other options and long term recovery is one of them. There are some great programs, many of them free, that may help him find a better way to live and give him a place to live in the meantime. The Salvation Army Program is one and also Teen Challenge. Maybe check them out.

Hugs

cece

ouch! I am sure you are hurting and panicked.
Like Ann said, when I have people i love making crazy choices, that are putting them in dangerous places, which is out of my control, i give them over to my Higher Power in prayer. I imagine them being held by God and then God walking with them through this, since i can't walk with them. It helps with my helpless feelings.
Prayers for all of you.

TrishaV

I am not totally sure about your brothers situation (i.e., if he is a problem child/teen, in school...etc)..But...you may want to consider the Job Corps. They are all over the United States (look them up on the internet). They do great work with children/teens...helping them get their GED and training to be successful in life. I think this may be a great alternative for your brother.

BigSis

(((Kimmy))) <-- those are hugs.


Both my kids are addicts... and I had to kick them both out of my house at different times for their addictive behavior.

At 17, I lived on my own, paid my own rent and made my own way. But I could not see MY 17 and 18 year old kids as being as mature as I was. They had never held decent jobs, they didn't understand how hard it was to support themselves... they were still behaving like "children".

What I discovered is that they will continue to behave as "children" as long as someone will parent them. You've seen those couples where one is the parent and the other one gets to be 'footloose and fancy free', haven't you? And don't you feel a little bit of distaste for the childish one?

I have... and I did feel that way. And it occured to me that the longer I babied my kids, the more likely they would end up with partners who would baby them as well.

By "taking care" of them... I was stealing the opportunities for them to learn HOW to take care of themselves!

Opportunity hurts... but it teaches well! And the sooner the lesson, the less the pain. It is far more difficult for a 45 year old man to behave like a little kid and get away with it than it is for a 17 year old.

Let life teach your brother some lessons. If he spends a year in jail now, but comes out strong and fit... isn't that worth it? It seems big, but most of the ACTUAL consequences our society puts on people are far smaller than they first appear (sort of like those side mirrors on cars... smile).

Let your brother go... you have a life and responsibilities. This is his time to learn about HIS responsibilities. And no matter how MUCH you give, you cannot do this for him.


((((lovinghugs))))

hope213

((((kimmy)))) i am so sorry u have to face this.you should not have to deal with this. your dad knew better & your brother is 17.he should have know better even if your dad was the enabler. he knows right from wrong. this is almost the same situation my son my grandson was.( his son). i do not understand how a parent does this but it happens everyday. do not go get your brother. let social services take it over.that is what the family did with little j.(my grandson). we all took a chance trying to help him & he was only 14 at the time.actually 12 when it started. he kept doing the same thing.he nor my son was raised to do the things they do. little j.is in a locked faculity now after running away from group homes time after time. he will soon b 16 & still not willing to try to change.they (your brother & my g.s.) need the help we can not give them. it takes a lot of time & energy. we all tried, & it did not help.this is NOT something that you have to take charge of. please do not feel guilty.it is not your fault. i will say a prayer for you, your brother & your dad.hugs,

caileesnana

Sorry for your pain. It hurts alot. Welcome to SR. Great people here who have been where you are and will help. Read the sticky's above and keep posting.
prayers for you and your brother,
susan

Kimm992

Thanks for all the messages.

The reason I worry so much about my brother is because he's not a bad/troubled kid. He's in his last year of highschool getting fantastic grades, etc. and planning to go off to University....he's just lost his way.

If I abandon him now - when he's about to graduate and can have a chance at a normal, happy life - then it's way more likely that he's going to end up exactly like our parents (our mother is an addict).

I still have no idea what I'm going to do. He's at school right now and I'm hoping to try and figure some thing out over the weekend.

mooselips

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your brother and tell him exactly how you feel. He may have some answers you know nothing about.

I bet if you put your heads together, you can come up with a plan that could be suitable to both of you. Or for a trial period, anyway.



Hugs,