So whats wrong with me??
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 14
So whats wrong with me??
This thread could be very helpful to me. O.k so I have posted in the other area about the guy I live with but there is also the issue with my own mother and brother and sister mom and brother are alchoholics my sis is a addict. Well I have successfully detached from my brother as he is a non functioning alchoholic who needs to hit bottom. But my mother has been this way since I was a kid it was never a question as to if my mom was going to come home drinking instead it was the how drunk is mom going to be when she comes home. but she used to be highly functional he held the same job for over 15 years its not until recently after the 9/11 attacks and my moms industry went to the tank that they laid her off in stead of finding another job in the same field she actually got a job bartending well a few months ago she was let go from that job for drinking so now she's not working I am so afraid she will lose everything and now I feel the overwhelming urge to save her to help her because she worked so hard for us. how come if I can detach from everyother drinker I can't do that with my mom? I still wear the veil of "because she functions she's not that bad off". So what do I do try to save her or let her fall??
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Hey there Angela 
I'm sorry that your family is so messed up. Mine is too so I know how much it sucks.
As far as I can tell, there's nothing "wrong" with you. Sounds to me like you're just dealing with the same kind of "brainwashing" that all us kids of "toxic" families have to deal with.
There's several things you can do to help your Mom. First is educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism so you are prepared for her manipulations. Best place to do that is in a meeting of al-anon. The have tons of great books and pamphlets and kind people with lots of experience dealing with exactly what you are going thru. You can find them in your phone books, call them up and go check out a few meetings.
The second thing you can do to help you Mom is to get rid of the brainwashing that was forced upon you. That takes awhile, it doesn't go away just overnight. The way to do that is to work a program of recovery. There's many of those, the one that worked for me was a combination of al-anon with therapy. In the big cities they have a separate program called "Adult Children of Alcoholics". When I lived in Los Angeles they helped me a lot.
Mike
I'm sorry that your family is so messed up. Mine is too so I know how much it sucks.
As far as I can tell, there's nothing "wrong" with you. Sounds to me like you're just dealing with the same kind of "brainwashing" that all us kids of "toxic" families have to deal with.
There's several things you can do to help your Mom. First is educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism so you are prepared for her manipulations. Best place to do that is in a meeting of al-anon. The have tons of great books and pamphlets and kind people with lots of experience dealing with exactly what you are going thru. You can find them in your phone books, call them up and go check out a few meetings.
The second thing you can do to help you Mom is to get rid of the brainwashing that was forced upon you. That takes awhile, it doesn't go away just overnight. The way to do that is to work a program of recovery. There's many of those, the one that worked for me was a combination of al-anon with therapy. In the big cities they have a separate program called "Adult Children of Alcoholics". When I lived in Los Angeles they helped me a lot.
Mike
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
My grandmother was the alcoholic in my family when I was a child. My brother and I always wondered if grandma would be home from the weekend yet and how drunk she would be. 
One time my brother asked me how come I could be so nice to grandma after a night of her rants and raves about how unfair life was and that my Mom..her daughter.. expected too much of her.
He told me he hated her for keeping him awake all night. I didn't but don't know why. I didn't even know what an alcoholic was yet and just thought grandma got sick when she drank. When she was sober she was a very loving and smart person.
My brother and I are both alcoholics. My brother was in recovery for 14 years with a ten year suspended sentence over his head. During this time he helped some of his close friends that were abusing alcohol..one in particular that would pass out in his truck down town and the city police would call my brother to come help him. This friend died two years ago from his alcoholism.
I have been in recovery for 19 years and continue to work my AA Program. My dear grandmother did quit drinking on her own the year I graduated from highschool...and to this day I don't know why....she carried it to her grave. I ended up being just like my grandmother....but if people tried to help me or tell me to stop drinking, I would drink all the more or move away so I didn't have to listen to them.
I have found that when in a situation I wasn't sure about...I had to follow my heart and make choices best for me to keep my sobriety. Our Moms are special people and it is so hard to watch them suffer. My Mom couldn't quit smoking and ended up the last two years of her life on a respirator to help her breathe while living in a nursing home away from family.
It all comes down to each one of us and what we feel we can do without enabling the person that needs help...like paying her bills or buying her alcohol. I suspect this can happen or else your brother and sister may help do that to ease their guilt about their own addictions. You can get help through the Alanon Group that is for family members and friends of alcoholics or there is another program called ACOA
which is a program for Adult Children of Alcoholics. They usually have phone numbers or ads in your local paper.
Good luck to you and some more people should be along that may be able to help you more than I can.
kelsh
One time my brother asked me how come I could be so nice to grandma after a night of her rants and raves about how unfair life was and that my Mom..her daughter.. expected too much of her.
He told me he hated her for keeping him awake all night. I didn't but don't know why. I didn't even know what an alcoholic was yet and just thought grandma got sick when she drank. When she was sober she was a very loving and smart person.
My brother and I are both alcoholics. My brother was in recovery for 14 years with a ten year suspended sentence over his head. During this time he helped some of his close friends that were abusing alcohol..one in particular that would pass out in his truck down town and the city police would call my brother to come help him. This friend died two years ago from his alcoholism.
I have been in recovery for 19 years and continue to work my AA Program. My dear grandmother did quit drinking on her own the year I graduated from highschool...and to this day I don't know why....she carried it to her grave. I ended up being just like my grandmother....but if people tried to help me or tell me to stop drinking, I would drink all the more or move away so I didn't have to listen to them.
I have found that when in a situation I wasn't sure about...I had to follow my heart and make choices best for me to keep my sobriety. Our Moms are special people and it is so hard to watch them suffer. My Mom couldn't quit smoking and ended up the last two years of her life on a respirator to help her breathe while living in a nursing home away from family.
It all comes down to each one of us and what we feel we can do without enabling the person that needs help...like paying her bills or buying her alcohol. I suspect this can happen or else your brother and sister may help do that to ease their guilt about their own addictions. You can get help through the Alanon Group that is for family members and friends of alcoholics or there is another program called ACOA
which is a program for Adult Children of Alcoholics. They usually have phone numbers or ads in your local paper.
Good luck to you and some more people should be along that may be able to help you more than I can.
kelsh
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