phoenix1031

I've been in and out of AA for 10 years, Ive been homeless for the past 6 years..well..rehabs, 1/2 way houses, detox's, hospitals, nut houses, jails, peoples couches..the whole deal. The most sober time I have had is 22 months...no steps or sponser, just lots of mtgs. I have made 2 serious attemps since then. Both left a bad taste in my mouth. The 1st sponser (10 years)..after 8 months dropped me after I wouldnt go on a retreat with him and that was the 1st time I had told him no. So I wallowed in self-pity and got drunk. Soon I jumped right back in, had a great sponser(5 years), things going all good. He actually gave me a job ( bad Idea). Then after 10 months with this guy, I found out he has ripped me off for 5 grand. So to hell with him. This last deal happened in 05. Ever since I trust no one in AA, dont believe a word they say. I'm at the point I dont even want to go to meetings. I cant stand these people. But I dont want to continue on drinking or living the way I have been. I dont know what to do. If I let my guard down again and seek help and get burned again. I'll be in prison. I'm afraid, pissed, and confused.

discoveringme

I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences with sponsors. Im new here and have 8 days sober. I am not ready for mtgs, but I LOVE this site!! It is here 24/7 and you can read whatever topics you are needing at the time, post support for others and receive support from others. I love it...it is like a continual mtg for me anyway. Glad you posted here and keep coming here and reading and posting. You will see there are many friends here who can relate to what you are going through. You may be able to let your guard down in here? And feel safe at the same time?

barb dwyer

hi Phoenix ...

welcome.

It always makes me sad to read someone who's had problems with the people in AA ... I just want to make sure you are aware that what you've described is problems with PEOPLE in AA ... not with the program itself?

When I've had all I can stand of the humanity of it all ( and it happens , trust me) I stock up on speaker tapes. This is all about MY recovery. So I take responsiblilty for it. The steps ... work. If you went through all of them with a sponsor once, maybe start all over ... and see what happens?

SR is a great supplement, and a great place to hang out. I look forward to seeing more of ya! Please feel free to read the stickies on the tops of the forums ... and keep posting!

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Sorry to see that you have been
dealing with so many difficulties.

Do you have a new plan?
Have you thought of contacting the
Salvation Army about their adult rehabilitation program?

Glad to see you found us..
Blessings

SaTiT

sorry you went through that.
I've been burn by AA members...some dude still owes me $1500.
I havn't gotten arrested since i came into recovery,
But i've slept in my car for over a month a couple of years
ago..clean and sober. It kind of really mess with me at first
but I needed the peace. I feel like I've been homeless for the
past couple of years, Not really having a place of my own
living in other people's mansions feels pretty much like sleeping
on the cauch. I have friends in high places...never the less
it's not my life and none of it is mine.

My belongings are scattered all over the county,
i don't even know what i have anymore. it's a far cry from
having a music studio of my own i had once upon a time.
I'm living at home, home now and it's not totally healthy for me.
Sometimes i still go out and sleep in my car because I just
need to be alone. Most important..it's my damn car.
I mom dosn't like me sleeping in her yard.lol She thinks
that's just weird. I'm just having a hell of a time adjusting
or dealing with what i hope is a temp situation.
if i think too much about it ...I'll freaken go crazy.

half of the time i don't know what to do and sometimes
i feel like giving up on all of this..but i know that I'm
hurt and it takes time to heal.

I don't like living like this, but i know i can't drink over it.
As bad as it might be at the momet. it'll get alot worst if I use.
I'm an AA'er..no i don't trust everybody, but i don't think
everybody in AA is going to burn me either.

I hope you find your way.

Pilgrim

What Barb said.

Welcome to SR! Not everyone is good but there are lots of good people around. Keep trying ok?

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

Whenever I go to a meeting or come here , I FEEL positive energy...

When I was out there using, I felt dark energy...

Phoenix,

I am sorry those terrible things happened to you in recovery...BUT staying out there in the cycle of addiction can bring MORE misery, including death...

Keep posting, we are glad you found us...

indigo

Welcome to SR I'm glad that you found us, the others have given lots of ideas. I'm not an AA'er so I have no experience to give an opinion. I have been clean/sober for a long time now....I never thought I'd be able to say that. SR helped me enormously (sp) and we have fun too. We support each other and there's always somebody here to help. My very best on your finding a path that works for you in recovery.

skunkape

I had a resentment against AA. It cost me everything. I don't have a resentment towards AA anymore. I go to meetings. Thanks for letting me share.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, phoenix. i hope you find the answers and support you are looking for here. keep posting! blessings, k

Anna

Hi Phoenix,

There are good and bad people everywhere you look in life and I hope you can move on from this.

Do whatever you need to do in order to stay sober because that is what really matters.

Captain Kirk

Hi!
Welcome aboard!
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. And I'm happy for you that you've realized that the only way to improove your life in any way can only be to stop drinking.
I don't do A.A. either, not because I have anything against it, but simply because I live in a very remote village and their are no meetings within a resonable distance.
However since I've been on the wagon I've been reading and posting on here and I feel this is really working for me. You might want to give it a try.
You'll find the people on here are really nice and understanding and they often have allot of good advice to share too.
Let us know how you're doing.

Captain Kirk

Can? I think will. I believe it's 100% gauranteed that if an alcoholic continues drinking it will result in things never getting any better and ultimatly in death.

Rowan

Welcome to our recovery community, Phoenix.

phoenix1031

Thanks to all of you for the welcome and advice. I'll be here often. I'm also giving AA another shot. I truely believe in the AA concept. Its the trust of people I'm dealing with. I really have nothing to lose in trying again. Thanks

CarolD

Super plan phoenix!



Thanks for te update.

Rowan

Glad to hear, Phoenix. Post often! SR is a great place!

Budd

Hi Phoenix
Good luck in your sobriety. I am sure you will find the people on this site both helpful and supportive.

Snopup

I've had bad experiences with sponsers and people in AA. But I keep going. I do not trust many in AA, ya know we're a bunch of dumb drunks. I believe that habits and self preservation are difficult things to change. It is for me. I've lied, cheated, stole, etc. just to keep on living. Many I've found in AA haven't completly surrendered that part of their lives. Many have though. But those who have, have also been burned by others they've trusted. Keep talking to people, but keep your defences up. You'll find those who you can trust. If someone offers you more than simple support and direction, they probably have other objectives.

Pinkcuda

Learn to choose your Sponsors better. Lenght of sobriety doesn't mean anything. Having been through all the steps doesn't mean anything. The ability to be a good Sponsor is a gift. Some have the gift and some don't.
Don't give up the program, just be careful. I was in the program a year and a half before I got a sponsor. I'm glad I waited. I got to see the real people behind the mask that way.
Most important advise I can give you is this,
Choosing a Sponsor may be a Life and Death decision, treat it like one!!!