kookla

I am very much in love with a compulsive gambler and I don't know what to do to help him. He seems to have his poker machine habit reasonably under control as he has been to hell and back with it all over the years (bankrupt, full of debts threatened by loan sharks etc). We have talked about it several times and he told me about it very early in the relationship, adding that he was not really an addict anymore. But I know he still does it on occasion and when he does, he simply disappears for several hours, is not contactable, will not answer phone and then he cannot talk about it at all. I think he is ashamed of it and since our relationship is only 8 months old and we are very much in love, he does not want to let me know that he is still doing it, in case I leave him.
He has just recently moved in (4 months now). I am financially self-sufficient and have a great job with a good income. He has not been sharing the costs of living because he was still paying rent on his own apartment, but during this last month he has started to contribute. I lent him some money and he returned it all as soon as he could. He is really trying hard to be responsible. I need and want to give him a chance, but I would like some help, as I don't really know what works and what doesn't. He is presently interstate on a job and last night he was not contactable at all. I finally and for the first time got him to admit that he was playing. Now I feel that perhaps because of having admitted it, he has lost control of his independence and will be resentful. How far can I go? I don't want to lose him, but at the same time, I am concerned that if I allow it to go on it will become a huge problem for him. I would dearly love some advice.

SaTiT

well, i bascailly struggle with my gf gambling for years and years.
That didn't work out too good for me. i set home many, many
nights alone, weekends, holidays, birthdays, aniveries..you name it.
it wasn't a relationship at all if you really think about it.

I was extreemly emotionally attached to her. We been togther
for over 5 years at that piont. then 3 1/2 years of total
insanity and chaos.

The problem i had was...I felt guilty...I took her.
No, i didn't force her to gamble , but i took her
i took her gambling for the first time in her life.
We had never gamble before..just thought we go
out and have a good time...won $20 , had dinner and took off
in a couple of hours. but it got really, really progressive.
It's bscailly like catching a buzz and very, very addictive.


Lots and lots of heartache your way.
I'm not trying to mean. 4 months and he moved in ?
4 months and he's lying or spending days and nights from home already.
He's borrowing money already..
That's your warning sign...it's clear as daylight for most people.
It dosn't matter how much you make..it's never going to be enough.


I never consider myself to be codependent and had a heck of a time
accepting that fact.


I 'm so sorry. it's heart breaking becuase you love or care for someone.
But addiction is s heartbreaker. Bascailly i felt like I got the life sucked
out of me.

if you want my advice..I say, run like hell. save yourself.

Reserch on codependency .
Maybe look in the family and friends section of SR.

I never wanted to loose my gf either.

indigo

Welcome more people will be around like saTIT with experience of this and will be only too happy to help out and support you, I don't have experience with gambling, I do know however that an addiction is an addiction and won't go away on it's own accord. I wish you find a solution. SR is a great place for you find.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I think you might want to read
"Co Dependant No More" by Mealanie Beatty

Google for information on Gamblers Anonymous
and read our Gambling Forum here.

Blessings to both of you