Today I wear the crown of Queen Codependant
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Today I wear the crown of Queen Codependant
I'm feeling pretty sucky right now.
The day started when a friend sent me a recent Journal of Medicine article on the affects of Marijuana. She thought I could send it to my son and maybe he'll get some of it. So this gets me in a tizzy again worrying about my son.
I know some people think marijuana isn't that big of a deal. Well it is when you smoke it constantly, make it a part of your religion, and have no desire to do anything else.when you would steal for it, break the law for it, etc.
And I think why not send it ? (Which means I've forgotten the first rule I was taught in Codependency, "If it takes more than 10 words don't say it") So I send him the article and especially highlighted the areas of concern that I had. ( where the heck have I been during my Al-Anon meetings?).
So he calls me with his rebuttal, of course. (Trust me when I say that my son is very intelligent, expresses himself very well, could debate with the best of them. He would pick opposite sides of his view point to argue in school debates just to show he could convince anybody. )He has researched the affects of marijuana, and knows exactly what species effects different areas of the brain. That the government is lying to people, etc. on and on....
So I get into this "discussion about the issue" which gets very heated! ( way beyond the 10 word limit). I said you know, I guess I don't care whether its legal or not. I don't care what affect it has on other people, I care what affect it has on him and Its not good. He's addicted to it. He agreed but said its not a bad thing. He was so calm ( good weed) and I was getting angrier.( very sober!) I ended up hanging up before I started spewing obscenities. I can't believe I went there.
You think you are in a better place and then just like that your serenity is gone. Forgotten!
For weeks I've been talking to him and avoiding topics i know will cause Me stress.
when he asks for money i say "No hon your taking care of yourself these days.How's the weather up there?"
and now, just like that I am back to thinking I can talk him into a better life.
So when he called later. I bluntly apologized for the article. Said its not my business or my life. Its his road to travel. His mistakes to make. ( just a little manpulation)That i loved him but I don't want to hear about it, so I'll not ask about it. unless he wants to talk about getting help of course. ( another try at it).
Oh well. Its so hard when its your child.
But i haven't done much better with my husband ( enabling wise ) this week. :sigh1:
So this week you may crown me. I accept! But...
There is always next week!
The day started when a friend sent me a recent Journal of Medicine article on the affects of Marijuana. She thought I could send it to my son and maybe he'll get some of it. So this gets me in a tizzy again worrying about my son.
I know some people think marijuana isn't that big of a deal. Well it is when you smoke it constantly, make it a part of your religion, and have no desire to do anything else.when you would steal for it, break the law for it, etc.
And I think why not send it ? (Which means I've forgotten the first rule I was taught in Codependency, "If it takes more than 10 words don't say it") So I send him the article and especially highlighted the areas of concern that I had. ( where the heck have I been during my Al-Anon meetings?).
So he calls me with his rebuttal, of course. (Trust me when I say that my son is very intelligent, expresses himself very well, could debate with the best of them. He would pick opposite sides of his view point to argue in school debates just to show he could convince anybody. )He has researched the affects of marijuana, and knows exactly what species effects different areas of the brain. That the government is lying to people, etc. on and on....
So I get into this "discussion about the issue" which gets very heated! ( way beyond the 10 word limit). I said you know, I guess I don't care whether its legal or not. I don't care what affect it has on other people, I care what affect it has on him and Its not good. He's addicted to it. He agreed but said its not a bad thing. He was so calm ( good weed) and I was getting angrier.( very sober!) I ended up hanging up before I started spewing obscenities. I can't believe I went there.
You think you are in a better place and then just like that your serenity is gone. Forgotten!
For weeks I've been talking to him and avoiding topics i know will cause Me stress.
when he asks for money i say "No hon your taking care of yourself these days.How's the weather up there?"
and now, just like that I am back to thinking I can talk him into a better life.
So when he called later. I bluntly apologized for the article. Said its not my business or my life. Its his road to travel. His mistakes to make. ( just a little manpulation)That i loved him but I don't want to hear about it, so I'll not ask about it. unless he wants to talk about getting help of course. ( another try at it).
Oh well. Its so hard when its your child.
But i haven't done much better with my husband ( enabling wise ) this week. :sigh1:
So this week you may crown me. I accept! But...
There is always next week!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Cece, there are plenty of crowns to go around...never fear. I think the fact that you caught yourself, understood and tried again to get back on track is terrific! This stuff isn't easy especially when we have to be the exact opposite of what we thought we should be as moms.
Tomorrow (not next week) is another day for your recovery to be in control. You can have the crown today if you'd like, but I can tell you are ready to relinquish it already. Big hugs from another one who vies for the crown more than I wish I did
Tomorrow (not next week) is another day for your recovery to be in control. You can have the crown today if you'd like, but I can tell you are ready to relinquish it already. Big hugs from another one who vies for the crown more than I wish I did
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
It;s the parent in us that makes us do these things!! We want SOOOO bad for them to be ok.
But, you're right. Hands off the addict.:codiepolice
You made a little mistake and you recognized it. Good for you. It shows how far you've come!!
Don't beat yourself up. Pat yourself on the back instead!
But, you're right. Hands off the addict.:codiepolice
You made a little mistake and you recognized it. Good for you. It shows how far you've come!!
Don't beat yourself up. Pat yourself on the back instead!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
When I was a kid there was a show on TV called "queen for the day"
It was a big deal to be selected. I think it was a big deal for you to be selected...because you stopped and learned your lesson. I think what we are learning only comes to bear when we make the boo boo and then we know how to make amends to someone or usually to ourself and move forward with different behavior. We keep thinking we can "show them, convince them, teach them"
Really we know that those days are gone. They are addicts and only consequences will teach them now. Letting Go is what we can keep trying to practice...and it does take practice
It was a big deal to be selected. I think it was a big deal for you to be selected...because you stopped and learned your lesson. I think what we are learning only comes to bear when we make the boo boo and then we know how to make amends to someone or usually to ourself and move forward with different behavior. We keep thinking we can "show them, convince them, teach them"
Really we know that those days are gone. They are addicts and only consequences will teach them now. Letting Go is what we can keep trying to practice...and it does take practice
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
LOL, Queen for a Day...yup I remember too. 
Okay, cece, I agree, you get to be Queen Codie for a Day but only for a day because you caught yourself, made amends (kinda sorta) and learned from this and moved on to be a better person because of it.
I've had my day or three as Queen myself, as have most of us, so there are plenty of crowns to go around.
Help yourself girls...
Okay, cece, I agree, you get to be Queen Codie for a Day but only for a day because you caught yourself, made amends (kinda sorta) and learned from this and moved on to be a better person because of it.
I've had my day or three as Queen myself, as have most of us, so there are plenty of crowns to go around.
Help yourself girls...
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Ha! Ha!
ann and wascally: I love those crowns! They are kinda pretty aren't they? they gave me a much needed laugh this morning!
everyone else: I love you guys!
Always there for me just how I need it! Yeah and I am done beating my self up for it!
Love,
Cathy
ann and wascally: I love those crowns! They are kinda pretty aren't they? they gave me a much needed laugh this morning!
everyone else: I love you guys!
Always there for me just how I need it! Yeah and I am done beating my self up for it! Love,
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
I have worn my crown out-I think! AH in jail-rcvd. a letter from him-I just had to answer-he will think the codie bus arrived in Arkansas (hehe). I feel better for it and doing okay-so far. Guess we all have our moments.
Loved the Queen for a Day show-maybe they should revise it and put it back on-would be better than some of the trash shows.
LOL Barbara
Loved the Queen for a Day show-maybe they should revise it and put it back on-would be better than some of the trash shows.
LOL Barbara
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