Did I do the right thing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Did I do the right thing?
Hi guys!
I had a situation tonight at work, and I feel like I did the right thing, but need some reassurance from you.
I work in a restaurant, had 6 cops at a table, went out to smoke a cigarette and noticed someone slumped over in the bushes in between our parking lot and a busy road. I asked the cops to check on this person on their way out. Well, they did and a few minutes later, came in and said "do you know a (her name)" and I said "yeah - so do you, she's a server here on my shift.
Well, she was drunk beyond drunk. My manager and I went out and tried to get her to come in (I was almost ready to go home and was going to take her home). She got smart with the cops but I told them I thought I could handle her, so they left. She kept telling me she loved me, had bought me a game and some food, which by now was in the grass and her bag. A little background - she hears "voices" and talks to them, but can shut them up long enough to do her job. I'm one of the few people who doesn't tell her she's crazy, I just tell her to stop talking to them 'cause she's getting on my nerves - but anyway, I love her to death and worry about her.
Well, I went out twice more to try to get her up and inside the store but she wouldn't come. The 2nd time I told her if she didn't get her a$$ up I was calling the cops back. She got up, took 2 steps, then fell back on the ground. The only one who was physically able to get her in (my mgr's son) refused. She's tiny, but I can't lift even 90 lbs dead weight. I know what apt. complex she lives in, but it's a maze of apts. and I don't know which one is hers and didn't think she was in a position to help me get her into her apt., and didn't think a cab would take her if it meant carrying her into her apt.
So, I called the cops. Turns out the ones who had just left, were county cops and were in the jurisdicition of the city. When they got there, I told them the situation and they said they had to arrest her for public drunkenness. This was NOT what I wanted, but I didn't see any other options. She fought them and I sat there crying.
I had to pick up my friend, D (she and I were in the diversion center together and she works at same restaurant chain, different store) and she gave me he!! about what I did. Told me if she ever got that drunk, just let her lay there. She didn't think that the night she DID get drunk, dropped over $200 in small bills on the floor, I picked them up and took her home and she doesn't remember getting there. Anyway, my mgr is also upset because now "I" got T in trouble.
It was 38 degrees, she had only clogs on, jeans, a shirt and a coat. She just came back to work after being sick for almost 3 weeks. D said she would have woke up....I know what time the bar she went to closes, and she'd already been out there 2 hours. D said I should have dragged her to somewhere well lit and let her sleep it off. I wouldn't do that to a dog. Plus, the fact that if she was still at work in that shape when my general manager came in, she would have definitely been fired. The cop said the bond would only be "a couple hundred" and she had over $100 in her bag, and should only have to pay a percentage.
So, sorry this is long, but it's really bothering me. I know I am going to catch a lot of flak about it from the people at work. Several of them deal with illegal activities of some kind, come to work high or drunk. I lost my keys earlier, had only my spare key to drive my car, and asked dad to leave door unlocked. Well, he didn't so I just woke up the whole household to get in. He said he felt like I did what I needed to. I told him that now I have an inkling of what I put him through - not enabling, but feeling like crap about it (what goes around comes around).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I had a situation tonight at work, and I feel like I did the right thing, but need some reassurance from you.
I work in a restaurant, had 6 cops at a table, went out to smoke a cigarette and noticed someone slumped over in the bushes in between our parking lot and a busy road. I asked the cops to check on this person on their way out. Well, they did and a few minutes later, came in and said "do you know a (her name)" and I said "yeah - so do you, she's a server here on my shift.
Well, she was drunk beyond drunk. My manager and I went out and tried to get her to come in (I was almost ready to go home and was going to take her home). She got smart with the cops but I told them I thought I could handle her, so they left. She kept telling me she loved me, had bought me a game and some food, which by now was in the grass and her bag. A little background - she hears "voices" and talks to them, but can shut them up long enough to do her job. I'm one of the few people who doesn't tell her she's crazy, I just tell her to stop talking to them 'cause she's getting on my nerves - but anyway, I love her to death and worry about her.
Well, I went out twice more to try to get her up and inside the store but she wouldn't come. The 2nd time I told her if she didn't get her a$$ up I was calling the cops back. She got up, took 2 steps, then fell back on the ground. The only one who was physically able to get her in (my mgr's son) refused. She's tiny, but I can't lift even 90 lbs dead weight. I know what apt. complex she lives in, but it's a maze of apts. and I don't know which one is hers and didn't think she was in a position to help me get her into her apt., and didn't think a cab would take her if it meant carrying her into her apt.
So, I called the cops. Turns out the ones who had just left, were county cops and were in the jurisdicition of the city. When they got there, I told them the situation and they said they had to arrest her for public drunkenness. This was NOT what I wanted, but I didn't see any other options. She fought them and I sat there crying.
I had to pick up my friend, D (she and I were in the diversion center together and she works at same restaurant chain, different store) and she gave me he!! about what I did. Told me if she ever got that drunk, just let her lay there. She didn't think that the night she DID get drunk, dropped over $200 in small bills on the floor, I picked them up and took her home and she doesn't remember getting there. Anyway, my mgr is also upset because now "I" got T in trouble.
It was 38 degrees, she had only clogs on, jeans, a shirt and a coat. She just came back to work after being sick for almost 3 weeks. D said she would have woke up....I know what time the bar she went to closes, and she'd already been out there 2 hours. D said I should have dragged her to somewhere well lit and let her sleep it off. I wouldn't do that to a dog. Plus, the fact that if she was still at work in that shape when my general manager came in, she would have definitely been fired. The cop said the bond would only be "a couple hundred" and she had over $100 in her bag, and should only have to pay a percentage.
So, sorry this is long, but it's really bothering me. I know I am going to catch a lot of flak about it from the people at work. Several of them deal with illegal activities of some kind, come to work high or drunk. I lost my keys earlier, had only my spare key to drive my car, and asked dad to leave door unlocked. Well, he didn't so I just woke up the whole household to get in. He said he felt like I did what I needed to. I told him that now I have an inkling of what I put him through - not enabling, but feeling like crap about it (what goes around comes around).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Amy, no, nyet, uh uh, absolutely not your fault she is in trouble....it's HER fault. Even with her sickness, she is paying the consequence for her drinking and maybe what you did will open her eyes.
Also, you may have saved her life. A friend of my son's died like that, everyone thought he was just drunk and could sleep it off outside, and he was sick and asphyxiated on his own vomit and died.
It's not okay to leave anyone sick and outdoors like that. When nobody else would help, the only resource you had was to call for help, and she got help even though it might not be the help she wanted.
So put down the guilt stick and tell others who blame you to back off. :codiepolice
Ya done good.
Hugs
Also, you may have saved her life. A friend of my son's died like that, everyone thought he was just drunk and could sleep it off outside, and he was sick and asphyxiated on his own vomit and died.
It's not okay to leave anyone sick and outdoors like that. When nobody else would help, the only resource you had was to call for help, and she got help even though it might not be the help she wanted.
So put down the guilt stick and tell others who blame you to back off. :codiepolice
Ya done good.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Amy,
You are a good friend to her. I would have done the same thing even if I did not know the person. If you left her there how do you know what would have happened to her, robbed or worse. I am glad that you saw what you dad went through, it shows that you are growing in your recovery. As a mom of an addict it feels good to hear you say that.
Don't worry about what others say, just tell them you did what you felt was best for her. You wanted her safe, and since no one else would help you, you had no choice. If she is mad tell her at least she is still alive to be mad, and let it go. If things get bad at work maybe look for something else, but keep working until you find it.
Hugs coming your way
You are a good friend to her. I would have done the same thing even if I did not know the person. If you left her there how do you know what would have happened to her, robbed or worse. I am glad that you saw what you dad went through, it shows that you are growing in your recovery. As a mom of an addict it feels good to hear you say that.
Don't worry about what others say, just tell them you did what you felt was best for her. You wanted her safe, and since no one else would help you, you had no choice. If she is mad tell her at least she is still alive to be mad, and let it go. If things get bad at work maybe look for something else, but keep working until you find it.
Hugs coming your way
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I think you did the right thing, too. Her condition was not your problem, but yet you went out on a limb and did something that you knew would be unpopular to possibly save her life.
Hold your head up and let the comments roll off your back. As cats reminds me from time to time, "what other people think about me is none of my business....."
Hold your head up and let the comments roll off your back. As cats reminds me from time to time, "what other people think about me is none of my business....."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
you did the right thing.you could not leave her outside to freeze to death. sorry about this mess. i hope she comes to her senses enought to realize u were only trying to help her.if not, so be it.prayers for your friend & you too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks everyone -
Funny thing, as I was driving home, getting yelled at by my friend for what I did, I kept thinking (God, just get me home to my computer and SR to people who will understand
PBJ - thanks for making me think a little more about my job. Actually, I have been toying with the idea of getting another job, but have held back for several reasons: it's comfortable (they know all about me), health ins. is good, etc., fear of rejection if I don't get a job (I hate the "have you ever been convicted question)..plus there really is no way to explain why you were an RN for 12 years, didn't work for 2 yrs, and now you are a server (waitress) without telling the truth, which I do anyway.
But now, I'm seeing more reasons why it might be time (thanks a lot to you)...I drive 40 miles, through downtown Atlanta, one way to get there, money hasn't been good for a while, I'm a supervisor but the managers don't usually back me.
So, Gee - I come on here to post about one thing and end up thinking about something else. I've NEVER been one to make a change without kicking and screaming all the way, then when it's over I want to kick myself for putting up such a fuss.
At least, when I finally get to sleep, I know, in my heart, that I did the best thing for my friend and I took a hard step in my codie recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Funny thing, as I was driving home, getting yelled at by my friend for what I did, I kept thinking (God, just get me home to my computer and SR to people who will understand
PBJ - thanks for making me think a little more about my job. Actually, I have been toying with the idea of getting another job, but have held back for several reasons: it's comfortable (they know all about me), health ins. is good, etc., fear of rejection if I don't get a job (I hate the "have you ever been convicted question)..plus there really is no way to explain why you were an RN for 12 years, didn't work for 2 yrs, and now you are a server (waitress) without telling the truth, which I do anyway.
But now, I'm seeing more reasons why it might be time (thanks a lot to you)...I drive 40 miles, through downtown Atlanta, one way to get there, money hasn't been good for a while, I'm a supervisor but the managers don't usually back me.
So, Gee - I come on here to post about one thing and end up thinking about something else. I've NEVER been one to make a change without kicking and screaming all the way, then when it's over I want to kick myself for putting up such a fuss.
At least, when I finally get to sleep, I know, in my heart, that I did the best thing for my friend and I took a hard step in my codie recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
Amy, My friend.........lol
don't do this to yourself, she is doing it to herself if the ppl at work are like that basically tell em to f off.....that isn't what you had planned on happening but DO NOT jusify yourself you did the right thing sweetie!!!!!
I laugh cuse it was my brother same situation almost ( mind you my brother is 6'7" and over 250 could of never lifted him) but I stuck by him after he got out of jail and made sure he went to meetings with me...........jail sobered him up big time.....to this day he doesn't drink but socially and that is very far and few between!!!!
ok so about the job, I have been in culinary arts almost all of my life, the resturant isn't always one happy family but there are some out there.....but with your nursing degree have you ever thought about adult foster care? State run home are looking for people with your qualifications.......but before you quit start with your computer.............type up a new resume......send it out via e mail get the responces and filter out what your better prospects are.......no need to keep abusing yourslef over and over...
Good luck sweetie call me in you need me!!!
ok I am going to mcd's for breakfast...I want to walk!
don't do this to yourself, she is doing it to herself if the ppl at work are like that basically tell em to f off.....that isn't what you had planned on happening but DO NOT jusify yourself you did the right thing sweetie!!!!!
I laugh cuse it was my brother same situation almost ( mind you my brother is 6'7" and over 250 could of never lifted him) but I stuck by him after he got out of jail and made sure he went to meetings with me...........jail sobered him up big time.....to this day he doesn't drink but socially and that is very far and few between!!!!
ok so about the job, I have been in culinary arts almost all of my life, the resturant isn't always one happy family but there are some out there.....but with your nursing degree have you ever thought about adult foster care? State run home are looking for people with your qualifications.......but before you quit start with your computer.............type up a new resume......send it out via e mail get the responces and filter out what your better prospects are.......no need to keep abusing yourslef over and over...
Good luck sweetie call me in you need me!!!
ok I am going to mcd's for breakfast...I want to walk!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Pamm -
I have thought about using my nursing knowledge, but can't do it right now. The problem is, it looks like I will get my nursing license back (very GOOD thing), but it will be suspended for 3 months initially because of my felony (even though it's considered first offender and will be erased after I complete probation). During the time that it is suspended, I will be placed on a nationwide list and am not allowed to work for ANY facility that receives Medicare or Medicaid.
So, I don't want to get a job that I will just have to turn around and give up. I am trying to get a copy of my plea agreement (it says "surrender nursing license"), give it to my lawyer and see if I can possibly be let off probation at the end of 3 years, instead of 5 (that would be in Feb.) and if not, can they remove the "surrender nursing license" part - the DA says a judge is the only one who can make that decision.
I was a secretary for YEARS (also have a degree as a legal secretary, but that was almost 30 years ago and never actually worked in a legal environment), was a medical transcriptionist through nursing school, so I'm looking at various options. Right now, though, when it's busy, being a server I make more money than I would at most other jobs I've seen....usually works out to at least $12-18/hr.
Thanks for the support, though. I just keep asking God to point me in the direction I need to go (a really big neon sign would be nice).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I have thought about using my nursing knowledge, but can't do it right now. The problem is, it looks like I will get my nursing license back (very GOOD thing), but it will be suspended for 3 months initially because of my felony (even though it's considered first offender and will be erased after I complete probation). During the time that it is suspended, I will be placed on a nationwide list and am not allowed to work for ANY facility that receives Medicare or Medicaid.
So, I don't want to get a job that I will just have to turn around and give up. I am trying to get a copy of my plea agreement (it says "surrender nursing license"), give it to my lawyer and see if I can possibly be let off probation at the end of 3 years, instead of 5 (that would be in Feb.) and if not, can they remove the "surrender nursing license" part - the DA says a judge is the only one who can make that decision.
I was a secretary for YEARS (also have a degree as a legal secretary, but that was almost 30 years ago and never actually worked in a legal environment), was a medical transcriptionist through nursing school, so I'm looking at various options. Right now, though, when it's busy, being a server I make more money than I would at most other jobs I've seen....usually works out to at least $12-18/hr.
Thanks for the support, though. I just keep asking God to point me in the direction I need to go (a really big neon sign would be nice).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
She was drunk, vulnerable and possibly in danger of freezing to death and all the coworkers were concerned about was getting her "in trouble" with the cops? Or perhaps they were concerned the restuarant would be liable somehow?
You knew the right thing to do - get her some help. The more "incidents" a drunk has, the more apparent it becomes that their drinking is out of control. Taking her home might have been just as bad as leaving her there.
Calling the cops or the medics is the right thing to do.
((hugs))
Thank you.
You knew the right thing to do - get her some help. The more "incidents" a drunk has, the more apparent it becomes that their drinking is out of control. Taking her home might have been just as bad as leaving her there.
Calling the cops or the medics is the right thing to do.
((hugs))
Thank you.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
So..... If you would have left her there and she got kidnapped or raped, or died from alcohol poisoning, your friends, and her would have been saying to you, WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE HER THERE, You should have called the cops, you should have done anything but just leave her there, what were you thinking..... Then you would have had that to live with.
You made the decision that you were comfortable with, and if they don't back you up then they aren't your real friends. They may not agree w/what you did but it wasn't their choice to make.
People who aren't on these boards and who haven't dealt with addiction have a whole different mind set. They don't get it.
Be confident in your decision, and don't let anyone take that away from you.
You made the decision that you were comfortable with, and if they don't back you up then they aren't your real friends. They may not agree w/what you did but it wasn't their choice to make.
People who aren't on these boards and who haven't dealt with addiction have a whole different mind set. They don't get it.
Be confident in your decision, and don't let anyone take that away from you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Hey - come to think of it, I did get a neon sign once. I was watching one of those documentaries about a prison, thinking "thank God I never got past the county jail and diversion center". They then showed that this prison has a neon "vacancy" sign on the tower. I took that as a DEFINITE sign of where I could go if I didn't keep recovering.
And thanks so much for reassuring me that I did the right thing. Not only do I see these things different as an addict, but as a nurse....alcohol lowers the body temp and it was already cold or died as Ann's friend's son did. As for my coworkers - their opinion is not my problem!
Thanks again!
Amy
And thanks so much for reassuring me that I did the right thing. Not only do I see these things different as an addict, but as a nurse....alcohol lowers the body temp and it was already cold or died as Ann's friend's son did. As for my coworkers - their opinion is not my problem!
Thanks again!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Amy.....You were the best friend out of all of them. You protected your friend and someday she will thank you for it. Feel good about what you did. If it would have been my daughter I would hope someone like you would come along with your good sense and see to it that she was protected.
I admire you for what you did............Lo
I admire you for what you did............Lo
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Ya know what? If anyone trys to give you crap about it, let them understand exactly where you stand. You did the only thing you could. There weren't any others out there volunteering to help.
This girl has some serious issues. Schitzophrenic? Does she need meds for this?
Or, does she just talk to herself like any one does?
Another thing is, when you get so drunk like that, it's your fault, not someone elses, as to what happens to you.
You did the best thing you knew to do under the circumstances. Don't allow yourself to be beaten up by coworkers who were no where around when you needed help.
This girl has some serious issues. Schitzophrenic? Does she need meds for this?
Or, does she just talk to herself like any one does?
Another thing is, when you get so drunk like that, it's your fault, not someone elses, as to what happens to you.
You did the best thing you knew to do under the circumstances. Don't allow yourself to be beaten up by coworkers who were no where around when you needed help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks again everyone!
Work was okay tonight. Told another manager (he wasn't there that night) because he and I can talk about a lot of stuff, and he said "you did the right thing, don't worry". Found out that the general manager had come in about 30-45 min. after she was arrested, and if he had found her, she would have been arrested anyway, AND definitely lost her job.
The manager that was there that night wanted to know if I'd contacted her since "you had her locked up". Luckily, I had Done's words already in my head and I said "at least I DID something - you would have left her in the parking lot". Also explained that alcohol lowers body temp and she could have been in serious shape. I just cut it short by saying "ya know....when you do irresponsible things, you have to take the consequences".
I don't even know if it will get around to the other employees (I'm not saying anything) but if it does, I'm at peace with what I did and that's all that counts.
But get this - I had ANOTHER rescue from the same damn bushes this morning!! I was out smoking, talking to manager (I really do work...not just smoke cigarettes) and saw a dog in the bushes. Well, I can't stand the thought of a lost or abandoned dog scrounging for food, so went in and grabbed some bacon (the only thing that was cooked) and brought it out to the dog.
A man got out of a car with a pet carrier and I asked him if that was his dog and he said "no...he's homeless and I want to try to find him a home). Well, I'm trying to lure this adorable, fairly big beagle with bacon and he has a chicken wing in his mouth (realized later it was from the food my friend had bought ME, and dumped all over the ground). While he was trying to figure out how to get the bacon with the chicken wing in his mouth, I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck to keep him from running away.
We then realized the cage is way too small, so the guy says "can you pick him up and put him in my car". So, while my boss is laughing hysterically, I pick up this very heavy beagle and put him in the car. As the guy drives off, the dog has his front feet on the console between the bucket seats and is wagging his tail. I had told the guy I really appreciated his kind heart.
THIS rescue made my night!! Luckily, I'm now off for 2 nights and won't be around those stupid bushes anymore. I get to go trick-or-treating with my niece and nephew (6 and almost 3 yrs old) - they adore me and the feeling is mutual!! It's one of those blessings I have from being an RA. Oh - and they're mom is my newly recovering step-sister who is doing very well. What more could ya ask for?!?!
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
Work was okay tonight. Told another manager (he wasn't there that night) because he and I can talk about a lot of stuff, and he said "you did the right thing, don't worry". Found out that the general manager had come in about 30-45 min. after she was arrested, and if he had found her, she would have been arrested anyway, AND definitely lost her job.
The manager that was there that night wanted to know if I'd contacted her since "you had her locked up". Luckily, I had Done's words already in my head and I said "at least I DID something - you would have left her in the parking lot". Also explained that alcohol lowers body temp and she could have been in serious shape. I just cut it short by saying "ya know....when you do irresponsible things, you have to take the consequences".
I don't even know if it will get around to the other employees (I'm not saying anything) but if it does, I'm at peace with what I did and that's all that counts.
But get this - I had ANOTHER rescue from the same damn bushes this morning!! I was out smoking, talking to manager (I really do work...not just smoke cigarettes) and saw a dog in the bushes. Well, I can't stand the thought of a lost or abandoned dog scrounging for food, so went in and grabbed some bacon (the only thing that was cooked) and brought it out to the dog.
A man got out of a car with a pet carrier and I asked him if that was his dog and he said "no...he's homeless and I want to try to find him a home). Well, I'm trying to lure this adorable, fairly big beagle with bacon and he has a chicken wing in his mouth (realized later it was from the food my friend had bought ME, and dumped all over the ground). While he was trying to figure out how to get the bacon with the chicken wing in his mouth, I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck to keep him from running away.
We then realized the cage is way too small, so the guy says "can you pick him up and put him in my car". So, while my boss is laughing hysterically, I pick up this very heavy beagle and put him in the car. As the guy drives off, the dog has his front feet on the console between the bucket seats and is wagging his tail. I had told the guy I really appreciated his kind heart.
THIS rescue made my night!! Luckily, I'm now off for 2 nights and won't be around those stupid bushes anymore. I get to go trick-or-treating with my niece and nephew (6 and almost 3 yrs old) - they adore me and the feeling is mutual!! It's one of those blessings I have from being an RA. Oh - and they're mom is my newly recovering step-sister who is doing very well. What more could ya ask for?!?!
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
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