OverTheLimit

Im sitting here with a black eye, bruised knees and a guilty heart. All I wanted to do was go out and have a "good time" but yet again I went too far. I got so smashed I somehow managed to get myself thrown out of a place. Thats a first for me but not the first to go too far when drinking. Now I am dealing with the guilt. How am I going to show my face, what if someone recognizes me?
I dont drink much, maybe once a week or every other week, but ever since I can remember I have just done so many terrible things while drinking. I am 28. Most of my sexual experiences or any experiences in general I can barely remember because I was so drunk. Now I am married. I cant do this to this wonderful man so I have to give up the drinking. I am like dr. jeckl and mr hyde. I am so nice and caring when sober. Give me one drop of any liquor and I think I am courtney love or worse. I lose any inhibition.
After I come down I am left with this darkness. Trying to escape it but I cant. Takes about two weeks to get over it. I started drinking this way to cover up my shyness but I have created a social persona so different from who I really am its scary.
Does anyone really know me and my god what do they think?
Well I am going to try to quit all together. I hope I can get used to who I am and accept the fact that I am shy. I hope I never see this monster I created ever again. Please share with me your story. :praying

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I quit drinking due to depression and the fact
I detested the woman I became when I drank.

Regarless of what you drink ... or how often
if drinking is causing a problem...any problem
then it's time to halt.
... Seems that you agree.

So...do you have a plan?

Keep posting...we do understand

calfritch

Hey OverTheLimit - thats exactly how i was when i drank. most of the experience of my 20s is shrouded in a drunken haze. hell i played college hockey and had to have a drink before games to make it through....somehow i did make it through them! anyways, welcome to our little community, you will find a lot of love and support here. are you planning on going to any meetings?? or to a doc for detox??

keep strong

discoveringme

wow..I though you were a man at first......see? My assumptions get me into trouble a lot. I am a very meek drunk...just get a little less shy and funny..but never violent or angry. I wasn't "allowed" those feelings when young. Maybe thats part of my issues...not letting myself feel anger..I stuffed it down with booze...not good either. At least you "express it" maybe you can learn to appropriately express it as a sober person. I am new here but I have found it to be a wonderful place for support and encouragment. Good luck and keep posting!!

Cathy31

LOL how many times did I do that too - juts wanted to have a few drinks like a normal person. Luckily I now know that I am not a normal person and that I am an alcoholic - my body processes alcohol differently so I can't drink - simple!
I know how you feel and you don't need to go through this ever again...
Cathy31
x

Budd

Hi Overthelimit
I am sure you will find support and good advice on this forum.

BP44

Glad you're here, over the limit. We understand. Did we ever get thrown out of places? Well, in 1982 I was told by my friends in Athens, Ga who were students at UGA, never to come back. Law enforcement recomended the same. Now for those of you who don't know, Athens is considered quite a party town. Apparently I was unable to keep my clothes on. I thought it would be a good idea to go as a flasher for halloween that year. That's the kind of stuff that gets an alcoholic like me thrown out of one of the leading party college towns in the nation. Being thrown out of places was not a rare occurence. And it never dawned on me that my behavior while drunk might be having an impact on other people's lives. That is until I got sober. And it took a long time since that particular event for me to be hopeless enough to seek recovery. What I have found is that I have never felt or been unwelcome at an AA meeting. My behavior is a bit better than it was when drinking. Some will say it's a lot better. And my life is better than it has ever been, and becoming more than I can imagine. If you are serious about stopping, there is a solution.

Missymae737

Hi Overthelimit,

Welcome to SR...

You are not alone...I too woke up with broken bones, black eyes, and worse, a broken heart. Most of the time I could not remember where I got these injuries...:

There is hope...Keep coming here and BELIEVE in yourself that you don't have to live with split personalities...Recovery is waiting for you...

Keep posting...:ghug3

wiscgirl30

Hi OTL. You sound EXACTLY like me. Read some of my threads I started, if you like, and you will see. I, too, would wake up and wonder what happened last night. I would get kicked out of bars (this happened just a couple times, but still) because I would be mean to ppl or I would see people I barely knew the next time I went out and they would tell me "sorry I was mean to you the other night, but you were soooo annoying". I get loud, obnoxious, and stupid. Then I spend the next couple weeks stressing about it, being depressed, and hating myself. This is why I decided I needed to stop drinking, though I havent been that good at it so far. I hope you keep posting, keep in touch and PM me if you would like.

indigo

The very fact that you've admitted to yourself and others is a great start. Can you talk to your Doctor about it? There are lots of support groups including SR. of course and I hope you find the right path for you.

Captain Kirk

Hi!
Welcome aboard! You've come to a good place. The people here are very understanding and often have allot of good advice to share.
If you want a story to read click the link below.
Take care and let us know how you get on.

OverTheLimit

Thanks everyone for writing to me, it was really great to wake up and know that I am not alone on this one. So far I havent been to any meetings or any recovery programs but I see there is one here on mon and wed so I will try it out. Thanks again so much for taking the time to write me.