Hi - want to hear a new story?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 26
Hi - want to hear a new story?
Age - 23
Age first consumed alcohol - 21
I hated alcohol and refused to drink most of my life (mainly because I have about 6-7 alcoholic relatives - including father, grandfather, 2 great uncles and more). I'd take a sip of beer or something but one night, I decided to drink a 200 mL bottle of vodka. It started out slow. Usually I'd drink once every 2 weeks or so and if I got drunk, I could only do it once a week because the next day I was miserable. Since then, it has gradually gotten worse. I used to think it was "cool", especially since I just graduated from college. Drinking on a tuesday night, taking a test while still drunk the next day and managing a 3.23 gpa in a BS curriculum for engineering (graduated with a BS, great job followed - weird, huh?)
But eventually the problems have been mounting. Hangovers cause me to be unproductive at work but they are fairly easy to hide, no one notices. And if they do, they joke about it, because I work in a high-stress environment where EVERYONE drinks. They can go out and have a beer after work. I can't. I'd need 12. Also, the abuse of alcohol, combined with daily antacids for chronic duodenitis, have resulted in hypochlorhydria, where your stomach does not product adequate amounts of acid, which results in poor digestion, excess gas, just all around nastiness. Stopped the antacids but stomach is still irritated from the alcohol.
Now, I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, so I decided to hit on the scientific side of this. I've done a lot of research on the neurotransmitters that get caught up in the crossfire of alcohol: serotonin, dopamine, GABA, etc.
Then, something clicked. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I was given a drug called Serzone, which is more of a pseduo-SSRI. They took it off the market and I went on Paxil. 4 months later, I started drinking. I thought surely that couldn't be a coincidence, but I did some more digging and found other accounts of SSRIs causing alcohol cravings.
I switched back to the Serzone (they still have a generic brand available), but it didn't work as well as it did the first time. However, most of the cravings were gone. I would only drink once a week as opposed to 7 nights a week. I had to go back to the Paxil because the anxiety would interfere with my work. Now I'm back to intense cravings. I can't rationalize it out in my brain! I know what's causing it, I even tell myself that it's just the chemicals in my brain needing the alcohol, but yet I still break down and take a drink and all of a sudden I feel normal again.
So, I have 2 options: suffer anxiety, have to quit my job and find another job that is low key where anxiety wouldn't matter, or be fat and drunk my whole life with severe digestive problems. As of now, I can find no other cures to anxiety other than SSRIs, which seems to be my cause of alcoholism.
I'm going to see my doctor Wednesday about this, what should I tell him? I don't want to do AA or group, can I successfully be treated one-on-one by a psychologist?
Age first consumed alcohol - 21
I hated alcohol and refused to drink most of my life (mainly because I have about 6-7 alcoholic relatives - including father, grandfather, 2 great uncles and more). I'd take a sip of beer or something but one night, I decided to drink a 200 mL bottle of vodka. It started out slow. Usually I'd drink once every 2 weeks or so and if I got drunk, I could only do it once a week because the next day I was miserable. Since then, it has gradually gotten worse. I used to think it was "cool", especially since I just graduated from college. Drinking on a tuesday night, taking a test while still drunk the next day and managing a 3.23 gpa in a BS curriculum for engineering (graduated with a BS, great job followed - weird, huh?)
But eventually the problems have been mounting. Hangovers cause me to be unproductive at work but they are fairly easy to hide, no one notices. And if they do, they joke about it, because I work in a high-stress environment where EVERYONE drinks. They can go out and have a beer after work. I can't. I'd need 12. Also, the abuse of alcohol, combined with daily antacids for chronic duodenitis, have resulted in hypochlorhydria, where your stomach does not product adequate amounts of acid, which results in poor digestion, excess gas, just all around nastiness. Stopped the antacids but stomach is still irritated from the alcohol.
Now, I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, so I decided to hit on the scientific side of this. I've done a lot of research on the neurotransmitters that get caught up in the crossfire of alcohol: serotonin, dopamine, GABA, etc.
Then, something clicked. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I was given a drug called Serzone, which is more of a pseduo-SSRI. They took it off the market and I went on Paxil. 4 months later, I started drinking. I thought surely that couldn't be a coincidence, but I did some more digging and found other accounts of SSRIs causing alcohol cravings.
I switched back to the Serzone (they still have a generic brand available), but it didn't work as well as it did the first time. However, most of the cravings were gone. I would only drink once a week as opposed to 7 nights a week. I had to go back to the Paxil because the anxiety would interfere with my work. Now I'm back to intense cravings. I can't rationalize it out in my brain! I know what's causing it, I even tell myself that it's just the chemicals in my brain needing the alcohol, but yet I still break down and take a drink and all of a sudden I feel normal again.
So, I have 2 options: suffer anxiety, have to quit my job and find another job that is low key where anxiety wouldn't matter, or be fat and drunk my whole life with severe digestive problems. As of now, I can find no other cures to anxiety other than SSRIs, which seems to be my cause of alcoholism.
I'm going to see my doctor Wednesday about this, what should I tell him? I don't want to do AA or group, can I successfully be treated one-on-one by a psychologist?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR!
Will a psychologist work?
It's worth a try I think..especially if you can find an addiction specialist.
The truth...you need help to stop drinking.
No AA? Are you aware of SMART recovery?
That might be of interest to your logical mine set.
I did quit my stressgul job to keep my sobriety.
I also quit hanging out with drinkers and in bars.
And I use AA for my successful recovery from alcoholism.
Try whatever you can to stop destroying your future.
Keep us posted on how you are doing please.
Will a psychologist work?
It's worth a try I think..especially if you can find an addiction specialist.
I'm going to see my doctor Wednesday about this, what should I tell him
No AA? Are you aware of SMART recovery?
That might be of interest to your logical mine set.
I did quit my stressgul job to keep my sobriety.
I also quit hanging out with drinkers and in bars.
And I use AA for my successful recovery from alcoholism.
Try whatever you can to stop destroying your future.
Keep us posted on how you are doing please.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I also had anxiety/depression long before drinking and I take an antidepressant.
I also made lifestyle changes.
I was lucky enough to be able to quit my very stressful full-time job and work part-time. It really, really helped with the anxiety. I also learned to say NO and mean it and not even feel guilty about it, which also helped my anxiety.
The main thing is to keep trying to find a solution that will work for you.
I also made lifestyle changes.
I was lucky enough to be able to quit my very stressful full-time job and work part-time. It really, really helped with the anxiety. I also learned to say NO and mean it and not even feel guilty about it, which also helped my anxiety.
The main thing is to keep trying to find a solution that will work for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
Have you looked into Cognative Behavorial Therapy for your anxiety disorder?
You don't necessarily need a seratonin reuptake inhibitor, and if you do, well, there are quite a few out there besides that one.
Either way, I'd say, from experiance with panic disorder/agoraphbia, alochol is NOT the answer, it's only short term help for anxiety, that leads to only worse and worse panic attacks/anxiety.
You don't necessarily need a seratonin reuptake inhibitor, and if you do, well, there are quite a few out there besides that one.
Either way, I'd say, from experiance with panic disorder/agoraphbia, alochol is NOT the answer, it's only short term help for anxiety, that leads to only worse and worse panic attacks/anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
It was a catch 22 and a marry go round for me.
I suffer from depression . Pretty strange, I also
did a lot of reseach on the brain, CNS. Read up on the drugs
or pills of the day and the effects they have on the CNS.
I knew there was something wasn't totally right with me.
The only problem was, none of the informations kept me sober.
I choose to go with the no pills for verieties of my ills, becuase i know me.
I choose the hard work method, execizing, eating better and meditations.
The 12 steps and therapy.
I still have depression from time to time today..but the simple tool
of" this too shall pass" helps me. it passes and i don't totally trip out.
And there's also the stress of living , relationships, employment.
I don't trip on that either.
Sometimes in life..growing pains is simply painful and stressful..i don't
trip as hard either.
Nature sovled a lot of my anxiety disorders...simply becuase i don't have to
do anything , think this way or that, act this way or that way.
I'm not religiouse, but i also read about saint Francis...he too suffered from a fever
and I try to apply his teaching to my life.
lack of sleep won't kill me, my emotional roller coasters won't kill me.
My depression won't kill me...I know it's all in my head.
Sometimes i just sit still, very, very still becuase drinking and using
will kill me.
In other words I'm practicing not to react during my meditation.
I suffer from depression . Pretty strange, I also
did a lot of reseach on the brain, CNS. Read up on the drugs
or pills of the day and the effects they have on the CNS.
I knew there was something wasn't totally right with me.
The only problem was, none of the informations kept me sober.
I choose to go with the no pills for verieties of my ills, becuase i know me.
I choose the hard work method, execizing, eating better and meditations.
The 12 steps and therapy.
I still have depression from time to time today..but the simple tool
of" this too shall pass" helps me. it passes and i don't totally trip out.
And there's also the stress of living , relationships, employment.
I don't trip on that either.
Sometimes in life..growing pains is simply painful and stressful..i don't
trip as hard either.
Nature sovled a lot of my anxiety disorders...simply becuase i don't have to
do anything , think this way or that, act this way or that way.
I'm not religiouse, but i also read about saint Francis...he too suffered from a fever
and I try to apply his teaching to my life.
lack of sleep won't kill me, my emotional roller coasters won't kill me.
My depression won't kill me...I know it's all in my head.
Sometimes i just sit still, very, very still becuase drinking and using
will kill me.
In other words I'm practicing not to react during my meditation.
Last edited by SaTiT; 10-30-2007 at 12:29 AM.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Alcohol didn't help my anxiety problems - they were always still there when I woke up in the morning, but I also had the guilt/hangover etc to worry about.
I would definately mention the anxiety and the drinking to the physcologist, hopefully he can recommend a talking therapy - medication isn't always the right choice for anxiety sufferers.
I believe that alcoholism is a progressive illness, and it will keep getting worse until you get sober (and then it patiently waits to pick up where it left off).
Can I ask why you aren't keen on an AA group? Is that due to the anxiety? I had panic attacks at every meeting I went to for a couple of weeks, but after that it gradually started easing - an AA meeting is one place that I feel safe and comfortable now (almost - its still early days). Could you not just go to a meeting and see what it is like before you write it off - a lot of alcoholics suffered from anxiety disorders and if you just go there, say you are new and anxious, they'll take it from there.
I would definately mention the anxiety and the drinking to the physcologist, hopefully he can recommend a talking therapy - medication isn't always the right choice for anxiety sufferers.
I believe that alcoholism is a progressive illness, and it will keep getting worse until you get sober (and then it patiently waits to pick up where it left off).
Can I ask why you aren't keen on an AA group? Is that due to the anxiety? I had panic attacks at every meeting I went to for a couple of weeks, but after that it gradually started easing - an AA meeting is one place that I feel safe and comfortable now (almost - its still early days). Could you not just go to a meeting and see what it is like before you write it off - a lot of alcoholics suffered from anxiety disorders and if you just go there, say you are new and anxious, they'll take it from there.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Since you are an engineer, you know how to do the research.
Get and read the book "Beyond Recovery". (Must Read)
Another good one is "The Recovery Book".
Also I would strongly advise the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
All should be at any good book store.
Look into REBT, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
Before you rule out AA please consider the following:
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
--HERBERT SPENCER
Get and read the book "Beyond Recovery". (Must Read)
Another good one is "The Recovery Book".
Also I would strongly advise the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
All should be at any good book store.
Look into REBT, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
Before you rule out AA please consider the following:
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
--HERBERT SPENCER
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
eemag there are a lot of ways to get and stay sober, I also am well educated and did a lot of research on drinking, the anxiety and depression meds are/were not part of my story, if you enjoy the technical/scientific aspect of alcoholism I highly reccommend 2 books "Under The Influence" & "Beyond The Influence" both of them compile the scientific research into alcoholism and also delve into recovery options.
I found that will power and knowledge alone did not equate to my own sobriety, the knowledge did help me to understand that it is a proven scientific fact that alcoholism is a disease which helped me some what to overcome the guilt and shame of thinking I am weak willed or immoral.
Some people can simply stop drinking on thier own accord even if they are alcoholics, usually these folks are still fairly early in the progression of thier disease. Others, especially in more advanced stages of the disease need help of some sort, be it a long term recovery program, therapy or a combination of the 2, some of us progress to the point in our disease where our physical addiction to alcohol requires medically supervised detox in order to even begin to think about staying sober.
The most important things I have found to get and stay sober is first of all, brutal honesty both with ones self and others. The second thing is the willingnsess to to what ever they have to do to get and stay sober. Without brutal honesty and unending willingness many never do get sober and die from alcoholism.
Do not close the door on any option to get sober including AA, the one door you refuse to open may very well be the only one that will help you get and stay sober.
Oh I had to add one very important thing, your story is far from unique, we all like to think that we are unique, we are the only ones that drank that much, or drank that long, or was the only doctor, lawyer, clergyman, professor or what ever that was an alcoholic. IQ, occupation, nor education mean a thing when it comes to alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a totally non-discramnatory disease!
I found that will power and knowledge alone did not equate to my own sobriety, the knowledge did help me to understand that it is a proven scientific fact that alcoholism is a disease which helped me some what to overcome the guilt and shame of thinking I am weak willed or immoral.
Some people can simply stop drinking on thier own accord even if they are alcoholics, usually these folks are still fairly early in the progression of thier disease. Others, especially in more advanced stages of the disease need help of some sort, be it a long term recovery program, therapy or a combination of the 2, some of us progress to the point in our disease where our physical addiction to alcohol requires medically supervised detox in order to even begin to think about staying sober.
The most important things I have found to get and stay sober is first of all, brutal honesty both with ones self and others. The second thing is the willingnsess to to what ever they have to do to get and stay sober. Without brutal honesty and unending willingness many never do get sober and die from alcoholism.
Do not close the door on any option to get sober including AA, the one door you refuse to open may very well be the only one that will help you get and stay sober.
Oh I had to add one very important thing, your story is far from unique, we all like to think that we are unique, we are the only ones that drank that much, or drank that long, or was the only doctor, lawyer, clergyman, professor or what ever that was an alcoholic. IQ, occupation, nor education mean a thing when it comes to alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a totally non-discramnatory disease!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 26
tellus:
generic Serzone is called Nefazodone. If you have been on it since 13, I'm surprised your doctor hasn't warned you about the possible liver failure.
thanks for the kind words. As someone mention, the large group at AA would probably aggrivate my anxiety, but if thats what it takes, then I wouldn't rule it out. Gotta be better than waking up sick every morning. I'll see what my doctor says tomorrow.
generic Serzone is called Nefazodone. If you have been on it since 13, I'm surprised your doctor hasn't warned you about the possible liver failure.
thanks for the kind words. As someone mention, the large group at AA would probably aggrivate my anxiety, but if thats what it takes, then I wouldn't rule it out. Gotta be better than waking up sick every morning. I'll see what my doctor says tomorrow.
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