the hearing is tomorrow.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 31
the hearing is tomorrow.
(please see my previous post for a breadown of what happened)
...to extend the protective order. And the AW will be there. And I will have to explain all the horrific things she did, with her there. This sounds really lame, but I am still afraid of her wrath. Even though this isn't rational, I still fear that, as she threatened when she was drunk, she has been in contact with people who will kill me and/or my family members. Maybe I need to realize that she just isn't my friend anymore. I don't know what her lawyer has planned, but I hope it isn't to paint _me_ as a bad father because I got her alcohol all the time and because I didn't leave after the first time she was abusive...
So I met with the lawyer today, and I am going to try to get a protective order for 2 years with the only exceptions being A)family counseling in her rehab in jail and B)supervised visitation after she completes rehab, gets out of jail, and undergoes outpatient substance abuse counseling and psychiatric care. In addition, CPS called today, so now I have to call them and explain what happened the night she got arrested. What should I say to them so they think I'm a good parent?
The lawyer also said that if I'm thinking about getting divorced I should file ASAP because it takes a year from date of filing to get into court. I'm not ready to make that mental leap though--she only got arrested 2 weeks ago. But she was getting ready to leave the night she got arrested, taunting me that I'd only see the kids once a month, etc...
Again, perhaps I need to realize that she can't control me by threatening to kill me or anyone else, and that she isn't my friend anymore. Besides, I would rather die than go back to the insane way of life that used to take place in our house.
I'll reply to this post with an update tomorrow night.
...to extend the protective order. And the AW will be there. And I will have to explain all the horrific things she did, with her there. This sounds really lame, but I am still afraid of her wrath. Even though this isn't rational, I still fear that, as she threatened when she was drunk, she has been in contact with people who will kill me and/or my family members. Maybe I need to realize that she just isn't my friend anymore. I don't know what her lawyer has planned, but I hope it isn't to paint _me_ as a bad father because I got her alcohol all the time and because I didn't leave after the first time she was abusive...
So I met with the lawyer today, and I am going to try to get a protective order for 2 years with the only exceptions being A)family counseling in her rehab in jail and B)supervised visitation after she completes rehab, gets out of jail, and undergoes outpatient substance abuse counseling and psychiatric care. In addition, CPS called today, so now I have to call them and explain what happened the night she got arrested. What should I say to them so they think I'm a good parent?
The lawyer also said that if I'm thinking about getting divorced I should file ASAP because it takes a year from date of filing to get into court. I'm not ready to make that mental leap though--she only got arrested 2 weeks ago. But she was getting ready to leave the night she got arrested, taunting me that I'd only see the kids once a month, etc...
Again, perhaps I need to realize that she can't control me by threatening to kill me or anyone else, and that she isn't my friend anymore. Besides, I would rather die than go back to the insane way of life that used to take place in our house.
I'll reply to this post with an update tomorrow night.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
I will face a similar scenario as you. I will tell the court how I honestly feel. I love her and miss her very much but I had to surrender to the fact that I cannot control or stop her drinking. If I seek divorce it is not to hurt her, but for the future of our child.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
(((((((((((((((fff)))))))))))))))))))
Stay strong and stay the course sweetie. Let your lawyer do his job....you have told him how you feel and I seriously doubt that you will have to say anything at all. Thats what we pay them (lawyers) for. But make sure that your lawyer knows exactly how you feel so he can convey this to the judge or magistrate for you. Good luck and keep posting okay we are here for you like the others have stated.
Stay strong and stay the course sweetie. Let your lawyer do his job....you have told him how you feel and I seriously doubt that you will have to say anything at all. Thats what we pay them (lawyers) for. But make sure that your lawyer knows exactly how you feel so he can convey this to the judge or magistrate for you. Good luck and keep posting okay we are here for you like the others have stated.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I keep thinking that my Aex BF/babys dad is like the characters in a horror/zombie flick who get infected, and are now a vampire or zombie, even though they look like the person that you loved, or that loved you.
Mine would definitely kill me, if we were a movie. I would be busy saying to myself, "OH he wouldnt do THAT,or go THAT far..." Truth is, he did everything I thought was beyond him. He DID go that far. He is not my friend, and not because of me, or because he is bad. Because he is sick. He really isnt ANYONEs' friend. Even his own.
It is so hard to walk away from someone. I am trying. Im sorry. Your kids are lucky to have you there.
Mine would definitely kill me, if we were a movie. I would be busy saying to myself, "OH he wouldnt do THAT,or go THAT far..." Truth is, he did everything I thought was beyond him. He DID go that far. He is not my friend, and not because of me, or because he is bad. Because he is sick. He really isnt ANYONEs' friend. Even his own.
It is so hard to walk away from someone. I am trying. Im sorry. Your kids are lucky to have you there.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"like the characters in a horror/zombie flick who get infected, and are now a vampire or zombie, even though they look like the person that you loved, or that loved you"
True, very true. I call it Jekkyl/Hyde. It amazes me how two polar personalities can reside in the same human body.
FFF, hope your hearing went well, and hope you check in soon to give us an update.
True, very true. I call it Jekkyl/Hyde. It amazes me how two polar personalities can reside in the same human body.
FFF, hope your hearing went well, and hope you check in soon to give us an update.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 31
...thanks for all the kind replies...just got back from trick or treating with the 4-year old!!! =)
well, her lawyer and mine agreed to simply extend the current order until her trial on dec. 20, so the hearing to extend it will be concurrent with that. This works to our advantage because it gives us more time to prepare. We did carve out a couple exceptions: A) I am willing to participate in any family counseling component of her rehab and B) some third party contact through her mom regarding the kids, how they're doing, etc. But the hearing...seeing her made my anxiety level shoot up about 500%. It could not have been more awkward. She came in in cuffs and a blue jail outfit, like the button-up shirt with a thermal under it. She smiled when she saw me, then she looked bummed that I didn't really look at her that much or smile at her. I don't know what she expected. She said "You can look at me, you know." =| I felt much better not looking at her though, especially her "crazy eyes," which she appeared to have even though she was sober. So after about five min., they cuffed her again, led her through the door in the back of the courtroom, and she was gone.
In all honesty , I am probably leaning towards divorce, but I will wait until after family counseling to file. Not because I could ever live with her again, but because we will still be a family--with mommy and daddy living in different places. I might look into mediation, if that is an option in this state...
well, her lawyer and mine agreed to simply extend the current order until her trial on dec. 20, so the hearing to extend it will be concurrent with that. This works to our advantage because it gives us more time to prepare. We did carve out a couple exceptions: A) I am willing to participate in any family counseling component of her rehab and B) some third party contact through her mom regarding the kids, how they're doing, etc. But the hearing...seeing her made my anxiety level shoot up about 500%. It could not have been more awkward. She came in in cuffs and a blue jail outfit, like the button-up shirt with a thermal under it. She smiled when she saw me, then she looked bummed that I didn't really look at her that much or smile at her. I don't know what she expected. She said "You can look at me, you know." =| I felt much better not looking at her though, especially her "crazy eyes," which she appeared to have even though she was sober. So after about five min., they cuffed her again, led her through the door in the back of the courtroom, and she was gone.
In all honesty , I am probably leaning towards divorce, but I will wait until after family counseling to file. Not because I could ever live with her again, but because we will still be a family--with mommy and daddy living in different places. I might look into mediation, if that is an option in this state...
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by fff 
Do you mean in the Freudian sense?
She said "You can look at me, you know."
That is exactly what AH said to me our first day in court. Gave me chills.
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