Rose_james

Hi again, I’ve decided to start a new post – even though it’s a continuation of my last one. I’m still living at my parents with my 2 kids – 3 and 4. He sees them occasionally when he’s not high and goes off when he needs to get high. So I’ve told him that I won’t move back into the house even if it is getting fixed up if he insists on using there. He told me once the house is fixed up he’ll be able to quit. Here we go again - I was told it would be when we have our family vacation in June, then when he received a lump sum of money in September. And now the house needs to be fixed up. I told him that he is stalling and putting off the inevitable. Every time I say I’m not moving back (he’s usually high when we talk) he agrees with me that he needs help, needs to quit. Then when he’s not high he gets mad at me like I have this plan and there’s someone else. How do you deal with someone who you just want them to get better, and I end up feeling so guilty for thinking of separation like that’s going to push him over the edge. His brother committed suicide 3 years ago when his wife left so I’m always thinking about that. And his mother died 5 years ago so he’s had a rough go of it. I know I’m making excuses, but that’s what goes on in my head.

Even though we are living apart – neither of us can seem to face the finality. I can’t get past this point.

cece1960

Hi Rose,
If you are not ready to make anything final, just stay in today until things become clearer.
You have given him choices, and he's made the wrong ones as is evident with the current living arrangement.
As is said here "time takes time".
Hang in there, and know that we are walking with you
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Ann

You don't have to decide anything until you are ready. Doing nothing is an action too when it is waiting until you are ready and your head is clear.

My thoughts are to stay where you are, it's safe and it's away from addiction. If he is serious about getting clean, let his actions speak for his sincerity and let him put in a fair amount of clean time before doing anything so that his action is not just a dog and pony show to get you back.

I'm sure this is hard for you and my prayers go out for all of you. Just know that whatever he does or doesn't do is not because of you. Please don't let him hold you as an emotional hostage over what he says he may do. He needs help and there is lots of help out there, you don't have to be his only option no matter what he says.

Hugs

justjo

As usual Ann and Cece have give you the best advice. My only suggestion would be this. Be honest with yourself and ask what is holding you to him.
I know when we love someone it is hard not to want to help. You are not responsible, nor is it your fault for someone elses actions. My as and ds both have had it tough but at the end of the day they have to deal with it, we cant do it for them. If he knows he can keep running back to you, he just will!