jpjerico

I am looking for some advice, or perhaps just some validation. My husband and I have been together for 4+ years, married for 1 1/2, and have a 12 month old son. We have both been drinkers and pot smokers, him more on a daily basis, myself- more socially. Since our son was born, I have found that many of my views & values regarding what I do recreationally have changed. I was under the assumption that my hubby's views would also change. As I just stated, he is a regular (mostly daily) user. This never bothered me before.
What bothered me was when he started drinking more often, and more heavily. He has never been physically abusive, but he got to the point on more than one occasion when I did not feel comfortable keeping myself and our infant in the house. He was more loud, obnoxuis, verbally abusive, etc. So one night I took our son to my mothers overnight. I did not return home until the next afternoon, when we set an appointment with a marriage counselor.
You see, he did not, and still has not, admit that he has a "drinking problem". He has admitted that there is a problem because "you took my son away" to quote him. He would not consider going to AA, so I thought marriage therapy would at least be something.
My hubby is very proud of the fact that he has not had more than a couple beers since that night a month ago...and I was proud as well. The problem is that he has replaced the alcohol with smoking pot again. When I tried to explain to him that I did not want this in our house anymore, and that I did not want to expose our son to it, he called me controlling and asked why I didn't tell him this before we had a child.
My main concern is for our son's safety. It is true that I never thought of my husband as being intoxicated or irresponsible while he was stoned. He was fully capable of driving, working, cooking, being a husband, etc. Now that we have a son, I don't feel that way anymore. I worry that my husband will be too stoned to handle an emergency.
He feels like I am overreacting. I don't want my husband getting stoned or drunk every night with my son and I in the house. Am I asking too much???
BTY, my family tells me I should leave him, and his family just tells me that if we had sex more often then there wouldn't be a problem. I just want my son to be safe!!!

frankly

((jpjerico))

Welcome to SR. It sounds like you are on the right path. You and your son are the most important thing in this world. Can you find a face to face meeting for Naranon or alanon in your area? Sometimes seeing our problem in someone else can give us the answers that we need. In the mean time read, read and read some more. Educate yourself on addiction. And keep yourself and your son safe.

Others will be along, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

Hugs and Prayers
B

carl11

hello jp....keepng your child safe is of course job one...it appears that you and hubby may have to compramise.....maybe weening him off of it slowly , step by step....is he open to that?

MeggieStar

No way are you overreacting. It is not to much to ask, ever, to feel safe and comfortable in your own home. It sounds like since you've become a mom, your priorities have changed and your husband's have not. Just the fact that he asked why you didn't mention this before you had a child...as though if you had he would have said "I'd rather have pot than a baby".

Your husband absolutely not be smoking weed around a child. That is just irresponsible and shows disregard for the joy of parenthood and for the safety and health of your child.

Only you can decide what is best, and sometimes that comes from first deciding what you are able to put up with and what you are not.

Welcome!