An Update and Some Promises....
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
An Update and Some Promises....
Hi Guys…
When I first got here nearly 4 years ago, now; I was hurting worse than any time in my life. I posted desperate pleas for help. I was on these boards all day, and most nights. I risked my job posting from my work computer, because I NEEDED to find others who had been through this. I needed hope. I needed your experience, and I needed your strength.
I got to know many of you quite well. Some have since drifted off… no longer desperate for the information or experience of those also walking this path. I had trouble understanding that. As long as my kids were addicted, I would be here!
But I, too, have discovered I am not here as often as I once was. Perhaps it is because one of my kids is currently clean, though she doesn’t work a program. The other, though he was the one who DID work a program (somewhat), has made a decision to go back out and experiment a bit more.
It could be I’ve reached a level of acceptance and don’t need hourly reminders that things will be ok. I am very involved in my “real life” recovery process – and that does take me away from the computer. But I have noticed something else is happening, as well. I am living life. Out in the real world – what a thing!
Last night, and for a few nights before that, I just rested on the couch with Mr. Big in the living room, not really engaged with any particular television show – but just enjoying being in the room with him. We were calm, and shared a few anecdotes from our day, but nothing newsworthy, really. I got cold, he built a fire. I did dishes, he expressed gratitude. Little things. But I wasn’t on the computer, and not drawn to be on the computer. And this has been happening more and more.
In four years, life has dramatically changed for me. I have changed. Those around me (even those not in any program) are responding to me in a different way. I am calmer. I accept life on life’s terms, instead of constantly trying to mold it into MY idea of what the ideal life “ought” to be. I accept that events that appear “bad” or feel painful might well be “growth opportunities”. And I accept that if I don’t learn a particular lesson, it will be presented to me over and over again, until I ‘get it’. I am calmer, more at peace. Some days, I am even serene.
Some of this sounded really familiar… it occurred to me. I am starting to experience some of the promises of Alanon.
From page 269, Survival to Recovery:
What Al-Anon Can Do for You
If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of The Twelve Steps and work the program, our lives will be transformed. Members work their program by being willing to attend meetings on a regular basis, reading Al-Anon/Alateen literature, getting a sponsor, working toward applying the 12 Steps of recovery to their lives and by becoming involved in Al-Anon Service work as they begin to recover.
1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
2. We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.
3. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth
4. Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.
5. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will yield hope to share with others.
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
7. Our secrets will no longer bind us in shame.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-d’s ease, balance, and grace.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in life’s paradox, mystery, and awe.
12. We will laugh more.
13. Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
Can we really grow to such proportions? Only if we accept life as a continuing process of maturation and evolution toward wholeness. Then we suddenly begin to notice these gifts appearing. We see them in those who walk beside us. Sometimes slowly or haltingly, occasionally in great bursts of brilliance, those who work The Steps change and grow toward light, toward health, and toward their Higher Power. Watching others, we realize this is also possible for us.
Will we ever arrive? Feel joyful all the time? Have no cruelty, tragedy, or injustice to face? Probably not, but we will acquire growing acceptance of our human fallibility, as well as greater love and tolerance for each other. Self-pity, resentment, martyrdom, rage, and depression will fade into memory. Community rather than loneliness will define our lives. We will know that we belong, we are welcome, we have something to contribute, and that is enough.
:ghug2
When I first got here nearly 4 years ago, now; I was hurting worse than any time in my life. I posted desperate pleas for help. I was on these boards all day, and most nights. I risked my job posting from my work computer, because I NEEDED to find others who had been through this. I needed hope. I needed your experience, and I needed your strength.
I got to know many of you quite well. Some have since drifted off… no longer desperate for the information or experience of those also walking this path. I had trouble understanding that. As long as my kids were addicted, I would be here!
But I, too, have discovered I am not here as often as I once was. Perhaps it is because one of my kids is currently clean, though she doesn’t work a program. The other, though he was the one who DID work a program (somewhat), has made a decision to go back out and experiment a bit more.
It could be I’ve reached a level of acceptance and don’t need hourly reminders that things will be ok. I am very involved in my “real life” recovery process – and that does take me away from the computer. But I have noticed something else is happening, as well. I am living life. Out in the real world – what a thing!
Last night, and for a few nights before that, I just rested on the couch with Mr. Big in the living room, not really engaged with any particular television show – but just enjoying being in the room with him. We were calm, and shared a few anecdotes from our day, but nothing newsworthy, really. I got cold, he built a fire. I did dishes, he expressed gratitude. Little things. But I wasn’t on the computer, and not drawn to be on the computer. And this has been happening more and more.
In four years, life has dramatically changed for me. I have changed. Those around me (even those not in any program) are responding to me in a different way. I am calmer. I accept life on life’s terms, instead of constantly trying to mold it into MY idea of what the ideal life “ought” to be. I accept that events that appear “bad” or feel painful might well be “growth opportunities”. And I accept that if I don’t learn a particular lesson, it will be presented to me over and over again, until I ‘get it’. I am calmer, more at peace. Some days, I am even serene.
Some of this sounded really familiar… it occurred to me. I am starting to experience some of the promises of Alanon.
From page 269, Survival to Recovery:
What Al-Anon Can Do for You
If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of The Twelve Steps and work the program, our lives will be transformed. Members work their program by being willing to attend meetings on a regular basis, reading Al-Anon/Alateen literature, getting a sponsor, working toward applying the 12 Steps of recovery to their lives and by becoming involved in Al-Anon Service work as they begin to recover.
1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
2. We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.
3. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth
4. Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.
5. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will yield hope to share with others.
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
7. Our secrets will no longer bind us in shame.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-d’s ease, balance, and grace.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in life’s paradox, mystery, and awe.
12. We will laugh more.
13. Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
Can we really grow to such proportions? Only if we accept life as a continuing process of maturation and evolution toward wholeness. Then we suddenly begin to notice these gifts appearing. We see them in those who walk beside us. Sometimes slowly or haltingly, occasionally in great bursts of brilliance, those who work The Steps change and grow toward light, toward health, and toward their Higher Power. Watching others, we realize this is also possible for us.
Will we ever arrive? Feel joyful all the time? Have no cruelty, tragedy, or injustice to face? Probably not, but we will acquire growing acceptance of our human fallibility, as well as greater love and tolerance for each other. Self-pity, resentment, martyrdom, rage, and depression will fade into memory. Community rather than loneliness will define our lives. We will know that we belong, we are welcome, we have something to contribute, and that is enough.
:ghug2
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((BigSis)))
As someone who met you when you first arrived and who has watched in awe as you found your wings and learned to fly...I can honestly say I am still inspired every time you post.
That is an amazing description of the gifts of recovery and I am so grateful that you share yours with all of us.
Big Codie Hugs
As someone who met you when you first arrived and who has watched in awe as you found your wings and learned to fly...I can honestly say I am still inspired every time you post.
That is an amazing description of the gifts of recovery and I am so grateful that you share yours with all of us.
Big Codie Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
(((BigSis)))
I have always been drawn to your threads and posts because of the "real life" experience you put into them. It helps me understand. Your and a few others posts helped me to figure out that I wasn't CRAZY (believe it or not) and that I could be happy. You helped me to figure out that my happiness shouldn't rely on anyone else's moods. That was a HUGE step for me and for that, I am forever grateful.
((((BigSis))))
I have always been drawn to your threads and posts because of the "real life" experience you put into them. It helps me understand. Your and a few others posts helped me to figure out that I wasn't CRAZY (believe it or not) and that I could be happy. You helped me to figure out that my happiness shouldn't rely on anyone else's moods. That was a HUGE step for me and for that, I am forever grateful.
((((BigSis))))
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You put the F in fellowship. This program works because we carry the message and support one another. Thank you for your continual insightful, wise and kind shares.
Often you say just what I need to hear. Those of us that are parents of ADs + ASs
are here because we are GOOD parents; sometimes we need to be reminded of that.
You don't let us forget to live the fabulous lives we are meant to live no matter the situation with our grown kids. You demonstrate that it does get better if we work our own program. You R awesome.
Often you say just what I need to hear. Those of us that are parents of ADs + ASs
are here because we are GOOD parents; sometimes we need to be reminded of that.
You don't let us forget to live the fabulous lives we are meant to live no matter the situation with our grown kids. You demonstrate that it does get better if we work our own program. You R awesome.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
I second everything all these fine people have said. I have learned a thing or two from you myself. I thank you for that. I certainly would not want to walk this journey without you on my side.
Your pretty darn terrific if you ask me!
((hugs))
Broken AKA Kim
Your pretty darn terrific if you ask me!
((hugs))
Broken AKA Kim
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
((Sis))
You have always been such an inspiration to me. You came in here frustrated and angry and sad... and you shared from your gut. You have a good way of expressing yourself and you share your thoughts and feelings and fears honestly and openly. You share your experience, strength and hope... the stuff that has worked for you.
It has been so awesome to watch you grow in your recovery. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. And thanks for being my friend.
Hugs
Cats
You have always been such an inspiration to me. You came in here frustrated and angry and sad... and you shared from your gut. You have a good way of expressing yourself and you share your thoughts and feelings and fears honestly and openly. You share your experience, strength and hope... the stuff that has worked for you.
It has been so awesome to watch you grow in your recovery. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. And thanks for being my friend.
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hey Sis,
Yep...what 'they' said and then some, and even though I "know" that I am older than you
I want to be 'you' when I grow up!
I know that you 'own' your own wonderful program but I also know that others who have gone before us all in recovery shared their ESH and....you are but one blessed result of that tradition.
Thanks to all who make it a 'we' program and pass all the good stuff right on down to the newcomer, the oldcomer, the one that goes away and returns and the one who needs a little extra time and patience (like me) to come into recovery at all.
Thanks for sharing page 269 with us- I'm blessed to know a few of those results too and wait to experience a good deal more.
Yep...what 'they' said and then some, and even though I "know" that I am older than you
I want to be 'you' when I grow up! I know that you 'own' your own wonderful program but I also know that others who have gone before us all in recovery shared their ESH and....you are but one blessed result of that tradition.
Thanks to all who make it a 'we' program and pass all the good stuff right on down to the newcomer, the oldcomer, the one that goes away and returns and the one who needs a little extra time and patience (like me) to come into recovery at all.
Thanks for sharing page 269 with us- I'm blessed to know a few of those results too and wait to experience a good deal more.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Originally Posted by BigSis 
3. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-d’s ease, balance, and grace.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in life’s paradox, mystery, and awe.
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-d’s ease, balance, and grace.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in life’s paradox, mystery, and awe.
There's some days I don't come either. But, it's usually because I don't have the time.
I love coming here. But I realize we all have other lives too.
This is such a wonderful place, and you are part of that wonderfulness.
Thanks BigSis for all you have done for me and all of us.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Big Sis))
You have all the words perfect. The life you live now, is such a wonderful example of hope for newcommers and seasoned codies alike. I liked you the first time I "met" you. Your spark, your temper, your love, your kindness. Everything about you seemed so Alive. You have always been an inspiration. You are a wonderful lady.
Hugs
B
You have all the words perfect. The life you live now, is such a wonderful example of hope for newcommers and seasoned codies alike. I liked you the first time I "met" you. Your spark, your temper, your love, your kindness. Everything about you seemed so Alive. You have always been an inspiration. You are a wonderful lady.
Hugs
B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
((((((((Sis)))))))))
You really captured the rewards of a hard-worked, hard-faught recovery program.
I am so happy for you...and so inspired by you...to keep on working the program because your post and your life are proof that it works.
Big old hugs to you Big Sis!!:ghug3
I'm so grateful to walk this road to recovery with you!!!
You really captured the rewards of a hard-worked, hard-faught recovery program.
I am so happy for you...and so inspired by you...to keep on working the program because your post and your life are proof that it works.
Big old hugs to you Big Sis!!:ghug3
I'm so grateful to walk this road to recovery with you!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
So powerful...and so inspiring. Like others before me said, I have always gained such strength and comfort from your wisdom and I love how "real" you are. You continue to be my inspiration. Thanks so much for sharing this...I'm so happy that you are busy living life! Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
sis, u were here just a short time before me. your post have always meant alot to me. you are shining in your recovery & seem so "together". thank u for staying with us & sharing with us this road we call recovery.hugs,
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