seasea

Hello everyone....you can read a bit of my previous post in the substance abuse forum...i am a recovering alcoholic and posted my concerns about my husband's pickin up pot again there...i am so used to posting as a recovering person...now i am on the other side.....

a made a choice to stay to wait until things get back to then give a warning and then to move on if the warning is not taken..a warning...really a plead to stop to put our marriage first and not the pot.....

i spoke with another recovering addict...and if it were him he could not stay - he has a zero tolerance rule.... for now, i have no desire to use pot...i rather prefer, my daily goal is to live sober rather than one anything not even an allergy pill...but if that changes then so must i

now for me to be on the other side...now for me to worry about the codependency issue, if they have not already started..to try and not treat him as a child making wrong choices..but as an adult who should take responsbility for the choices he is making...but how painful to me this choice is

i project to all the possible problems we may have....jail...loss of work incentive...my sobriety...our relationship has changed...i am just trying to control him he says...i should honor him...and let him be...THIS STINKS...and I am so sorry for the hurt I have caused my love ones when I was one....

so i will wait... not project the what ifs and wait for a what if to occur...then he cant say you are just worried about nothing...yes, we or i may lose....the house we rent...we rely on his income as well as mine and if he were to get "caught" he has prior DUIs...he would lose his license again for 6 months to a 2 years. (and that devestated him so) he just got it back after 5 yrs in May 2007...if jail is it we would lose his SSD check or he would he has it for 20 yrs...but they stop it when he was in jail....you know where this goes...i can barely make it on my own income....

we were in this marriage and life as two sober - maybe I should use clean..people....now we are one....me....i thought the issue was resolved...but when he was able to drive and see his supplier ( that is what i call him---but it is his son, a big alcoholic and pothead) again....well he either made a conscious decision to do it again or he was overwhelmed by the temptation.....i rather think the latter but i really dont know..the latter hurts less...

sat he is going to see his son after 1 week without pot...tonite is my last nite with him clean...i guess he will get some, use then wait until he sees him again....or maybe use to he does not run out...GREAT HUH!!! i will try to take a picture of him before he goes..i tried before he started but he did not like it..just so i can compare him to let's say 2 weeks from now... now that he has my permission!!! more like he has my promise not to bother him....he rather be without me i believe...then to have me harp on him over this...he has an issue with "controlling people" for a long time...i never thought i would be labled as such....i would do the same for him..i have and do...even if i briefly entertained the thought i using..the cons of it far outweigh the pros...

I will write again...soon in a few days to let you know how he is ....how i am....you know my heart my soul sings joyous tunes when i think of him..without this issue...but it pains me, physically when i think of him with this in his life...even if he does not use alot...WHAT IS NOT ALOT??? he said if the feelling of joyous ever changed then something is wrong...REALLY NOW...but the denial or desire in him must be too strong...thanks for listening

Ann

Seasea, one of the finest people I know is a codie like me, but she is married to a man who drinks too much. Aside from the drinking, he is a wonderful man, works and is good to his family and doesn't drive when he drinks. My friend made a decision a long time ago that she wouldn't leave today but would stay in her marriage one day at a time. I believe that worked well for her and she is still with her husband last I heard.

My point is that only you can decide what is right for you in your marriage. Only you can decide what you are willing to tolerate or not. And only you can decide to stay or go.

Something that may help you keep your balance through all this is to go to Alanon, Naranon or CoDA, 3 similar programs for codependents who need help detaching and learning to live their life well....regardless of how the addict is doing.

I'm glad you joined us, we have several double winners here so know that you are among friends who care.

Hugs

hope213

it is good that you are aware that you can not make him quit using. you are powerless over him.nobody can make him quit untill he is ready. learn to take care of you.do not let anybody bring you down. my prayers are with you both.keep coming back & let us know how u both are doing.you deserve so much.

greeteachday

Seasea, One of the things I've learned is I can only do what i feel comfortable with. You sound as if you understand where you are at and know that projecting will just bring worry and sadness while doing nothing to change the future. It is okay to chang eyour boundaries tomorrow if need be...Keep focusing on you...that's the key on this side of the addiction dance. He will do what he will do...you can choose what path you take for you! Hugs and prayers for both of you and congratulations on your sobriety!!